EVANGELION: NEXUS
by Tristan-Delecour
Summary: HEY DUDES, EVANGELION NEXUS IS BACK AFTER A REALLY LONG HIATUS SORRY ABOUT THAT COME ON DOWN AND READ SOME AWESOMENESS
1. THE BEGINNING

EVANGELION: NEXUS  
By Tristan Delecour  
  
--  
  
Things were finally winding down in Tokyo 3, seven years later after the supposed final angel that came in the form of Kaworu Nagisa. After his destruction, things went rather down hill for NERV and their staff was greatly reduced. Destruction of humanity, the human genome project, and all of those were all failures.  
  
"I'm so glad they're finally letting me out of the hospital!" Asuka exclaimed to no one in particular. The seven years of therapy after her coma had not been kind to her. Shinji, now twenty-one years of age, was only vaguely remembering what she was like outside to the world. Misato, on the other hand, was more than overjoyed that she was finally coming to.  
  
"We're bringing bad news, Asuka, as we arranged for you to be taken out of here for one more chance." Misato said with a large penguin covering her still most lucious breasts.  
  
"Oh no.. You don't mean..." Asuka sat back and stood agape with her hands covering her mouth.  
  
"Yes, two months ago one of the old satilites we had orbiting picked up a trace of blue pattern."  
  
"But I thought everything was safe again!" Asuka complained, frustrated with this news.  
  
"It's true. NERV has begun rebuilding Rei's old unit-" Misato was interrupted by Shinji laughing and mumbling about "Rei's unit".  
  
"Ahem, Rei's Unit 00 was rebuilt, and yours and Shinji's are sitting happilly in the cold storage." She continued.  
  
" I won't do it! I'm not any good at it! I suck and stuff!" Asuka whined, making jabbing motions with her fists.  
  
"We planned on that. That's why we have found another pilot." Misato said, smiling slightly.  
  
"Another pilot?" Shinji and Asuka thought together. Shinji mostly focusing on how many baths he could take with this possible new dream-boat, and Asuka mostly concentrating on what EVA was going to be piloted.  
  
"But what will they pilot?!" Asuka asked, dreading the inevitable answer of her shiny red EVA.  
  
"Unit 04." was the reply.  
  
"Unit 04?!"  
  
"Yes, 04. The original 03 was a failure, and the 04 was thought to be lost after a certain accident that still remains classified, but they recently found it. Turns out it was under a rock or something. Yeah..." Misato said while sitting down on a nearby park bench. "It's got that funky ass S2 core so it doesn't need to be plugged in like your EVA's, or toasters."  
  
"Now who's the pilot?" Asuka asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm afraid I can't tell that unless you guarantee that you'll pilot again.." Misato said producing some papers from the inside of her jacket.  
  
"... Oh fine, I was getting sick of that place anyways," Asuka said, signing away her life. "Where am I going to be staying?"  
  
"We're going to be a family again!" Misato said while cheering.  
  
"... I thought you hated doing that!" Asuka looked over at Shinji who was idly cracking his knuckles.  
  
"Well, er... It's not like it's an issue with me and Shinji any more.."  
  
"Wait...." Asuka said, while having this new information scream through her brain. "does that mean..."  
  
"Oh no, no, no! Shinji's is straight as a hair pin!" Misato said, chuckling.  
  
"I'm not gay!" Shinji yelled while admiring the view of the water.  
  
"Sure you aren't," Misato said.  
  
"I can guess where the new pilot is going to be, right?" Asuka sighed, already knowing the answer.  
  
"WITH US!" Misato yelled with a cheer.  
  
---  
  
The sixth pilot sat happily within his seat playing with his disc-style player that hooked up to his Sony MDRV700DJ headphones. They were an older model, far surpassed by other full ear enclosure style headphones as far as weight, sound, and portability, but they were quite comfortable and had a classic feel to them that the pilot liked.   
  
He got up and stretched around the cabin, as he was the only one in the whole passenger compartment. His various travel supplies all in crates and boxes around him, the plane itself was huge. He was the only one in the passenger compartment, spare two guards who were asleep, so he was free to travel around the cabin.  
  
Down the stairs in the cargo bay, his prized possession, a 1998 Mazda RX-7 with its 13B motor, modified sequential turbocharger setup, and heavily modified suspension by Tein, featuring fully adjustable coilovers, adjustable pillow mounts, caster and camber settings, and engine with a wide variety of parts from Trust/Greddy, HKS, and APEXi, sat tied down to the floor. He refused to leave it back at home, as he had it imported from Japan, and he felt that it should return to the land it was built. It was an old car, but he just loved the smooth curves and the 50/50 weight ratio that the car had and made handling like a dream. Unfortunately, the parts for the car were very difficult to find after second impact, so he had scoured all corners of the earth for them to build it. He hoped to find some new ones back in Japan.  
  
"In time...In time..." He said to himself, as he dragged his finger across the painted carbon fiber hood.  
  
---  
  
Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Misato, and the recently released Dr. Ritsuko Akagi all stood around the air strip, awaiting the arrival of the pilot of Unit 04, which was already in storage, ready to run, and Asuka was beginning to get a bit irritated.  
  
"Where the hell is that plane? I thought it was supposed to be arriving at 3:00 PM! It's 3:20 now!" She whined, while Ikari and Ayanami chatted idly about the weather, when the drone of props came in.  
  
"Well, well, well," Ritsuko said to Misato, "Looks like this one got the full treatment."  
  
"Did you hear who he is?" Misato asked. "I for one am quite impressed..."  
  
"Or is that envy?" Ritsuko mumbled to hersellf.  
  
"The plane has arrived." Rei chimed and held up a sign which read in rough English, "WELCOME AMERICAN PILOT HAPPY FUN TIME HYPER HYPER NEON SATURN". Asuka had laughed at her sign, but Rei knew it was the most friendly thing she would ever do, and that Asuka was a dumb cunt that no one liked.  
  
The plane finally taxied to a halt and the rear cargo hatch dropped down. Within five minutes the sound of a very loud car started to cut through the air.  
  
"What's that?" Asuka said, while holding up a sign that read "You will be subserviant to me or I will eat your brains.". Luckily no one in the group knew English well enough to figure out what it said, so Asuka had won in that respect.  
  
A small dot started growing, and it started to take form as the familiar shape of a third generation RX-7. Misato was the first one to notice what kind of car it was.  
  
"A seven, eh? He must have big bucks to still run that thing on gas..." She said to herself.  
  
"What kind of car is that-" Shinji started when the car suddenly veered to the left then quickly turned to the right causing the car to skid sideways to the small group.  
  
"The fuck is he doing?" Asuka yelled, getting ready to run.  
  
But the car came to a halt about ten feet in front of them, and the pilot opened the door of the car and exited from the right side.  
  
"Howdy! I'm Tristan Delecour!" The pilot said.  
  
---  
  
"Tristan Delecour? You mean THE Tristan Delecour who is a SUPERSTAR TRANCE DJ AND WORLD FAMOUS CHAMPION RALLY DRIVER?" Asuka screamed, throwing her sign to the back, clocking a gaping Rei Ayanami on the forehead. "I have ALL your CD's, but my ultimate FAVORITE of all FAVORITES is "TRANCE IN UPLIFTING FLUFFY UNDERWATER". You're, like, so cool!!!"  
  
"Don't you know it!" Tristan purred from behind a pair of dark sunglasses in Japanese. "You must be Asuka, the only real English speaker of the group. I saw your photo earlier. I must say, you're... a bit different from the picture," he said, eyeing her up and down.  
  
"Well, I, um, er.." Asuka said, backtracking and trying to cover herself up. She knew she would have to get back into perfect shape if she wanted the Tristan to be with her at night.  
  
"You're fine you're fine! It's a joke!" he said, smiling, and flipped the keys out, the car running on its APEXi turbo timer.  
  
"Ah, and you must be Shinji and Rei, my other fellow pilots," He said, switching back to his perfect Japanese.  
  
Rei had no idea what was coming over her. For the first time in her life, she was feeling something that she had never felt before! A passion for something, and it was Tristan. He was just too much for her rather stunted emotions to handle!  
  
"Hello.." She said, trying to pull of her normal indifference, with great difficulty.  
  
"You're even prettier than they had said. I'm surprised they let you out during the day," he said, carefully repositioning his perfect brown hair.  
  
"Well I-" and she stopped herself from answering. "Thank you." She said, blushing. She thought to herself how she was going to make herself look prettier the next time she was going to see him.  
  
"So you're the great Ikari, eh? Not much to you though. Doesn't your dad run the whole package here?" Tristan said, listening to the car shut down.  
  
"Well, um.. Yes?" Suddenly, Shinji felt a bit down, as he had a feeling that Tristan wasn't going to go take baths with him like Kaworu did. Or perhaps that he was going to suck even more.  
  
"That's great! I've heard great things about you!"  
  
"Ahem, if I may?" Ritsuko interjected, lighting a cigarette. "You may have heard that we had a blue pattern recently, and that's why you are being brought over to Japan." she said, pointing at Tristan.  
  
"Yeah, so I heard. Good thing I'm around and all given the fact that Unit 04 was recovered!" Tristan said with a slight wince about Unit 04.  
  
"Yes, losing NERV 2 was a huge loss for us all," Ritsuko continued. "I know you lost someone personal in that one."  
  
"... I'd rather not talk about it," Tristan said, his eyes narrowing at the blonde, then rubbing his eyes.  
  
"I understand."  
  
"So, where will I be staying?" Tristan asked, his eyes watching Rei run her slender fingers around the curves of the fender on his car.  
  
"With me," Misato spoke up, smiling.  
  
"Oooh, you're the one with the Renalt, eh? I was wondering what you were doing around here." Tristan said, as he looked over at the men removing the crates of his equipment from the plane.  
  
"I'm your commanding officer. You will do as I say as long as you are a member of NERV. Here is your ID and papers, along with communicator." Misato gave Tristan a generic looking ID card and some papers, along with a cell phone. Tristan tossed them in the back of his car.  
  
"Now why am I staying with you?" Tristan asked, "I'm not a little boy." He said, winking.  
  
"We need to make sure you're not too "rowdy" around here, along with the fact that we need to keep an eye on your status as a pilot. Asuka and Shinji will be staying with me as well."  
  
Misato grabbed her keys. "C'mon, let's go."  
  
"Who wants to ride with me?" Tristan asked, popping open the passenger side door on the RX-7.  
  
"ME ME ME ME ME!" The redhead yelled, jumping at the opportunity.  
  
"Sold to the lovely redhead!" Tristan said, putting the sunglasses back down. Rei looked hurt, but Tristan gave her a thumb up and smiled at her. She nodded and walked over to Ritsuko's jeep.  
  
"Ow, my fucking head!" Asuka yelled in English.  
  
"Got to watch out for that rollcage!" Tristan said with a grin, and started the car back up, listening to the smooth rotary engine hum.  
  
"Alright, let's head back to the place. Asuka, your stuff will be moved back in the house, along with Shinji's,." Misato yelled over Tristan revving the engine of the RX-7. She got into her own car with Shinji in tow and drove off, Tristan ready to follow.  
  
"Fun time!" Tristan yelled and put in one of his multi-platinum albums on the car stereo. It didn't sound nearly as good as a decent amp or his headphones, but he would have to deal with the sub par results of the horrible interior acoustics of the RX-7.  
  
---  
  
"Are your tires okay after doing that?!" Asuka said, dazed at the beautiful drift techniques that Tristan was applying through the turns as they pulled in the driveway of their new abode.  
  
"Probably not," He grinned and opened the door for himself. "We're here!"  
---  
Tristan knew that he was in a tough situation when he got to the Japanese-style house that he was going to be staying in. After parking his RX-7 behind Misato's car, he looked around and entered the house after removing his shoes to remain somewhat kosher with their culture.  
  
"So... This is the new home?" Tristan thought as he tried to remember what his parents would think of him now. His mother was an employee of NERV 2 in Nevada shortly before her death when NERV2 went up in a complete crater with Unit 04. She was quite proud of her work on Unit 04, but Tristan never knew exactly what she was doing there. He sighed and entered the door where Asuka, Shinji, and Misato were waiting.  
  
"So, where's MY stuff?" Tristan said, looking around the room and the amount of tatami that was in it. That was going to change, he thought to himself and hummed a little melody out from his last CD.  
  
"Well, it'll be here by tonight!" Misato stuttered, in between bites of a generic japanese snack food.  
  
"Good! This place is so inspiring to my creativity and simply must have my sequencer and my synthesizers to comform for this place! In fact, I'll be right back!" Tristan said, running back outside, without putting on his shoes.  
  
"Where is he going?" Shinji asked while turning to the plasma monitor TV screen that covered the south wall. Asuka was watching the RACE channel, her true love in life.  
  
"Could you change that?" Shinji asked Asuka, who simply gave the remote to Shinji and leaned her chin on her knees, thinking of Tristan and how handsome he was. Shinji changed the channel to the "Entertainment and Fashion" channel and some old crow was yelling about the latest in hats.  
  
"Don't you think those are so precious?" Shinji asked to no one in particular.  
  
Before she could get too deep in thought, Tristan came back in with a laptop that looked like it had gone through three World Wars. The cover had various stickers in the middle (one of them reading off HELLO KITTY, which only Misato understood) and duct tape on the corners.  
  
"This is the center of my work!" Tristan proudly exclaimed and placed it on the floor, opening the cover. The insides of the laptop were beat, but still working.  
  
"Wow, I'm, like... so impressed!" Asuka said, not knowing what it really was, but knowing that it was probably something important. And she knew that she did not want to displease Tristan.  
  
"Woah cool! It's a completely built up analogue synthesizer emulator!" Shinji said, pointing at the lit screen where dozens of knobs were covering it.  
  
"This thing kept me busy the whole time while I was flying over on the plane!" Tristan said, pointing at the sequence work that he had made.  
  
"That wouldn't have been the only thing that would've kept you busy if I was around.." Misato chuckled to herself.  
  
"Oooh! Saucy!" Tristan said while grinning, showing off his white teeth.  
  
Asuka frowned at this, as she was not the type to let someone that she felt attached to so much go free. "Ahem, can we get to business?" she asked, pointing at the large number of boxes which held mostly the contents of her things, along with some of Shinji's.  
  
"Fine.. fine..." Misato said, throwing her jacket onto a chair in the corner. "At least the place is furnished."  
  
"Hey, what's in the fridge?" Tristan asked, walking over to where the kitchen was. It was empty, spare a small welcoming gift of some fruit. Tristan wasn't so fond of the apples that were provided and grabbed an orange, peeling it slowly on the table.  
  
As he began to peel the orange, Asuka slowly walked to the door frame and leaned against it casually.  
  
"So what do you think?" Asuka said, eyeing Tristan peeling the orange.  
  
"I think it's quaint, in its own way. I miss my apartment though, but people like you are more than enough to make up for it, I'm sure it will be." He replied, not really thinking about what he was saying. He had been alone for over a year now, touring what was left of the world after Second Impact.  
  
"Really?" Asuka said. "I haven't even known you an hour yet."  
  
"Well, er," Tristan scratched his head, and tried to think of something to reply back with besides wanting to sleep with her. He threw a couple of pieces of orange in his mouth, with his long fingers delicately holding each piece.  
  
"Guys, we have to go over to NERV, right now!" Misato yelled, pulling on a set of pants which she had pulled out a box of.  
  
"Nice underwear." Tristan commented to her in particular. Misato merely yanked her pants up and tightened the belt, running outside to her car.  
  
"Well, Mr. Delecour, shall we?" Asuka asked, pulling her hair back loosely.  
  
"Of course," As Tristan threw the peeling into the trash, and grabbing the laptop.  
  
--  
  
"So I see we have our new pilot here," Gendo Ikari said from up above NERV's main computer systems, the MAGI.  
  
"How are you, Sir?" Tristan yelled up to his commanding officer.  
  
"Not well. You were not supposed to have been called here, but I'm sure you're a bad enough to save us!" Gendo said, pulling at his graying beard.  
  
"Well, I'm here now, sir!"  
  
"That is not the main issue, it's the fact that we're finding blue patterns dispite the fact that we haven't had one in over seven years."  
  
Tristan remembered what had happened over seven years ago and turned his head away.  
  
"Yes, we were surpised to have found Unit 04 as well."  
  
"Well, duh!" Tristan thought to himself.  
  
"Shinji, Asuka, Rei, you all know why you were called to return here. If Unit 03 was not such a catastrophic disaster, we would have called Toji back, but unfortunately, he was lost in an accident."  
  
Shinji remembered that night well. It had been over three years, but the night that Toji had decided to drink and then ride his motorcycle way too fast for his own good, flying right into a building in Tokyo three. And he had just gotten him to open up...  
  
"Yes, I know, sir!" Shinji also had the event with Unit 03 etched in his mind forever more.  
  
"Tristan, I want you to get in Unit 04 and show us the usage of the S2 core."  
  
"But I've never piloted before!"  
  
"... That's the point. You are going to pilot Unit 04 for us."  
  
"Sir, yes, sir!" Tristan saluted and followed the NERV employee to the ready room.  
  
---  
  
"Mm.. Nice and tight!" Tristan snickered and scractched his thigh with the gloved hand. The hair clips seemed useless, but they had him wear them anyways.  
  
"Come this way, Delecour!" A man in fatigues lead him to a large cylinder shaped object and opened a hatch. "Good luck, sir!"  
  
"... Thanks?" Tristan said as he sat down in the seat. Red lighting filled the cylinder and he grabbed the handles. "Yaay! Happy time in EVA again!"  
  
"Welcome to your first true mission," A screen popped up with the blonde in three-d, hovering to Tristan's right. "There will be LCL link fluid filling your plug shortly." she said in English.  
  
"Okay." Tristan said, feeling the liquid cover his chin, spilling into his mouth. "Japanese LCL tastes funny. And I thought you spoke Japanese?"  
  
"You'll get used to it," Ritsuko said, holding a cat figurine. "You'll feel a slight shifting, but that's just you being inserted into your Evangelion. It won't be long before we'll have you launched. The system has a translator that works realtime with voice acoustics and various other factors. I'll explain it to you later."  
  
Within the filling of the cylinder, the whole unit felt like it was sliding downwards.  
  
The whole cockpit lit up with english statistics like damage, direction, weapon systems, and a three dimensional model of the silver eva.  
  
"Nice... Nice... We're working well!" Tristan said to himself, not knowing that he was being watched on the large screen by the people he just met.  
  
"Preparing Unit 04 for activation! Will be engaged as soon as surface breach!"  
  
"Well, let's hope that NERV2 won't happen here, because that would really suck-diddly-uck!" Gendo said while reviewing Tristan's files.  
  
--  
  
"04 has reached surface! Commencing activation of Unit 04 and S2 core!" Misato called out to the operators. "Check those restraints!"  
  
"All restraints functional!"  
  
"Release the restraints!" Ritsuko ordered.  
  
"Released!"  
  
"Hey, this thing seems to be cool!" Tristan said, seeing the outside forests of Japan. The activation screen appeared about two inches in front of his nose and dissapeared quickly. Suddenly, power went out and he felt the whole Unit 04 fall over into the mountain side.  
  
"S2 core not activating!" A technician reported.  
  
"Well why not!?" Gendo demanded to know, holding back anger. Unit 04 was to be his new key of everything, including releasing Yui, along with getting his record played all over the air waves.  
  
"Unknown sir- wait, something is not right!"  
  
In the cylinder it was dark and the warm LCL fluid was not comforting the lone pilot.  
  
"Did we have to fall over like that?" He asked to himself before the entire cockpit was filled with a bright light.  
  
"What the fuck?!" He yelled, grabbing at the controls which were not responding at all. "What's going on here!?" he yelled again, when the screens went back to normal.  
  
"Just a small problem!" Ritsuko said, watching the ratio of Tristan and Unit 04. "Your EVA wasn't quite ready for our systems."  
  
  
---  
  
"Hey, there it goes!" Tristan yelled as the screen popped up in a hexagonal shape saying that the S2 core was activated. His EVA promptly fell over, again.   
  
"Delecour's sync ratio is falling rapidly!" Maya yelled, watching the bar decrease.  
  
"What's going on, Tristan?" Misato asked through the communcator.  
  
"I don't know?!" he said, looking around and trying to get up.  
  
"What's the status!?" Ritsuko asked Maya.  
  
"He's almost being rejected!" Maya yelled, watching the bar graphs come dangerously close to absolute minimum.  
  
"I still can't get up!" Tristan whined.  
  
"You suck Tristan!" Asuka yelled, watching the silver EVA wiggle helplessly on the ground. Shinji and Rei nodded in agreement. "I can't believe I wanted to sleep with you after only knowing you for ten minutes!" Everyone looked at Asuka. She simply shrugged it off.  
  
"But I really don't suck! And that hurt!" Tristan yelled and pulled at the butterfly handles helplessly.  
  
Suddenly, all of the screens in NERV popped up with an alert. A foreign entity twice the size of the EVA's had appeared opposite of Unit 04.  
  
"What is that?! Switch cameras to camera four and seven!"  
  
The screens showed the beast with its rather strange biomechanical features that were covered with a smooth gel that resembled a human, if not for the large ribbons attached to the back and the head that was very irregularly shaped. Its mouth showed jagged teeth and it drooled an acid onto the ground.  
  
"Get to your EVA's now!" Misato commanded to Shinji, Asuka, and Rei. "This is not a test!"  
  
"You think? Now I get to be the winner boy! Tee hee!" Shinji said, running to get his plug suit on. "And I so like those tight plug suits now!"  
  
"Get him down from there!" Ritsuko yelled, while the new creature started to plod over to Unit 04.  
  
"Unit 04 is not responding," a technician replied, furiously typing into the terminal. "We already pulled the umbilical and it's running delta wavelength. And pro wrestling moves are being carried out for no particular reason on Unit 04!"  
  
"FUCK!" Ritsuko yelled, pulling at her hair.  
  
---  
  
"Oh shit," Tristan said, pulling more at the sticks, getting a faint movement. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." As the beast drew nearer and dripped acid through the ground, Tristan began to think about all the things that happened through his life. The people he had met. The women he had yet to swoon. The thrills of victory. The agonies of defeat. The loss of his mother those seven years ago.  
  
"But I don't want to die yet! I'm to beautiful to die!" Tristan whined, and wrapped himself into a ball.  
  
The beast was right on top of him when it started to drool on the back of Unit 04, slowly starting to eat through the back armor.  
  
"Aaagh!" Tristan felt his back sear with pain. He grabbed the sticks again and pushed all the buttons. Nothing was working like back in the testing lab. He was so good back in the lab. They gave him presents there.  
  
The pain was increasing, and he felt himself losing conciousness. His vision went white as he knew this was the end.  
  
---  
  
"Don't give up, Tristan! Fight, Tristan! Fight for everlasting peace!" A familiar voice said through the whiteness.  
  
"But I can't! I'm not getting anywhere!" Tristan yelled towards the voice. "I like, suck and stuff!"  
  
"I will be there..."  
  
"Wait.. Is that you mom?" Tristan yelled and the whiteness started to fade.  
  
---  
  
"WHY AREN'T THOSE EVA'S OUT THERE?!" Misato screamed as she watched the new creature pick up Unit 04 and throw it across into a side of a mountain, then put Unit 04 into a Million Dollar Dream, followed by a Camel Clutch.  
  
"We were supposed to have two weeks to defrost Unit 00, Unit 01, and Unit 02!" The technician yelled, machinery blasting in the background. "We're trying our best here! Unit 00 should be ready in five minutes!"  
  
"I don't have five minutes! We do not have five minutes! Humanity does not have five minutes! We are going to all die if you do not get those EVA's operational with the next two minutes!" Misato screamed, throwing the headpiece across the room.  
  
"Tristan are you still there?" Ritsuko said, concerned as the armor on Unit 04 was stronger than the previous versions, but had a few weak points that were being exploited by this new creature. She was not getting any response from Tristan.  
  
---  
  
"Mom?! Mom!?!" Tristan yelled, and pulled at the controls. Suddenly everything came together for Tristan and he knew what he had to do. The creature was plodding back over to him and he concentrated. But nothing was happening. "Come on!" he thought, and the ribbons shot out at his EVA, grasping the arm joints and lifting it high in the air.  
  
"... Shit." Tristan said once more, and felt himself lose all hope, when Unit 04 stiffened up, its mouth opening to show its jagged red teeth.  
  
It grabbed the creatures tentacles with its hands, clawing at them with an unheard of speed and strength with the EVA series.  
  
"It's you, isn't it..." He thought, thinking of the times he had with his mother back when he was younger.  
  
---  
  
"What the..." Everyone in NERV looked up at the screen as Unit 04 screamed much unlike Unit 01, and began to claw at the unidentified creature.  
  
"I thought Yui was the only one, Gendo," Fuyutsuki said, to Gendo who was watching with a look of interest.  
  
"I obviously underestimated how kick-ass Tristan Delecour is!" Gendo remarked cooly, turning a page in the CD booklet of Tristan's nonstop MEGAMIX CD.  
  
---  
  
Limbs were strew everywhere as Unit 04 began to hack away at the creature with its fists, acid slashing up and hitting the armor of Unit 04. The silver EVA could not be stopped and it began maniacally tearing away at the flesh of the creature which screamed in a sense of agony, if there could be one. It began to convulse, but Unit 04 didn't stop until it got to the core where it found an entry plug shaped item.  
  
Whether Unit 04 was being piloted still by Tristan, or the EVA had taken control of itself, it was unknown. All connections were severed to NERV and it had its own power supply.  
  
NERV's staff sat in awe as the EVA destroyed the plug by shoving it into its jagged teeth, acid burns all over its armor. The plug disintigrated and turned to dust in Unit 04's mouth.  
  
"Unit 01 and Unit 02 are launched!" a technician yelled as Unit 01 and 02 stood in a battle formation, although Asuka's Eva wasn't responding well.  
  
Unit 04 lurched around from the prone creature and stood up, facing the pair of EVA's with its eyes brightly shining from an unknown source. It crouched in a ready position, staring at the two other EVA's.  
  
"Hold your position!" Misato ordered, waiting for the rogue EVA to move. "If it moves toward either of you, attack!"  
  
Instead, Unit 04 closed its mouth, gave a thumbs up to the other two EVA's, and then waved at the cameras.  
  
"Unit 04 returning to normal rates!" Another technician yelled, and Unit 04's information returned to screen, showing all the status of both the pilot and the EVA.  
  
"That was... strange," Ritsuko said, noting to herself to look into Tristan's psyche file.  
  
---  
  
"I can't believe what happened!" Tristan said, idly smoothing out his still wet hair. His thin, yet muscular frame showed off through the red and silver plugsuit. "It's like I'm destroying creatures directly from a foriegn planet for a cartoon show!"  
  
"Oh Tristan, you're so brave!" Rei said while holding up his CD. "Will you give my sole posession of love and life a signature?"  
  
"Rei, the only signature you're ever going to get from me is half a DNA signature!" Tristan laughed, and signed her CD anyways. He also put the cellphone number on it, for later.  
  
Ritsuko choked on her coffee, but no one else seemed to get the joke, or come on line, for that matter.  
  
"So were you controlling the EVA while it was in that mode?!" Asuka yelled, wanting to know how Tristan was such a good pilot.  
  
"Mm... Maybe yes, maybe no. I'll tell you a little later, if you want." Tristan said to Asuka, eyeing her form under her plugsuit.  
  
"Delecour, you are to report to Ikari's office immediately!" An announcement came up ove the PA system.  
  
"Looks like I'm being paged!" Tristan said, while running off with his plugsuit still on. "I'll talk later!"  
  
---  
  
"Wow, you certainly are kickass!" Gendo said, offering Tristan a drink.  
  
"I know! I am the best pilot ever!" Tristan said, drinking down the liquid. "That's what Mom says!"  
  
"Tell me Tristan, do you know what the whole point of NERV is?" Gendo asked, shooing Fuyutsuki away from cleaning up an empty glass.  
  
"To defend the world against those pesky angels!" Tristan said, raising his fist.  
  
"Yes, yes, but we've expanded on that within the last few years. We're also merchandizing, producing CD's, and making a boatload on models of EVA's." Gendo explained, having Fuyutsuki bring out charts showing how NERV was making money.  
  
"Ooh! That cute little model of my EVA is so cool! Can I have one?" Tristan asked, not paying attention to Gendo.  
  
"Only if you tell me how you pilot so well!" Gendo asked, "and then I'll give you this model of you AND an RC version of your car!"  
  
"No way!" Tristan said, gaping at them both. "Well, it's easy. Mom's in there and I just go 'Yo yo yo! Let's get synchrolicious!', and BANG! We've got contact!" Tristan said, knowing that it really wasn't like that, but it worked anyways.  
  
"You really are the most badass pilot!" Gendo said, and Fuyutsuki cheered.  
  
"Don't thank me, thank my righteous skills!" Tristan said, knowing that he was going to so score tonight.  
  
---  
  
"So were you scared at all Tristan," Asuka asked from her five point harness in the Sparco seat in the RX-7, "I know I would've been because I suck at piloting now."  
  
"Well, the secret is... You have to love your mommy!" Tristan said in jest.  
  
"Oh shut up! I hate my mother! EVA's are big robots!"  
  
"With a soft chewy Mommy core!" Tristan said in response.  
  
"I still don't think you're right, but I have enough issues to sink a ship," Asuka said, looking out to the window as Tristan gripped through the mountain road with unparalleled ease.  
  
---  
  
"Yay! Let's all party because Tristan is the best and everything!" Misato said opening a can of beer. "But we can't party too much because you've all got school tommorow!"  
  
"Oh no!" Tristan yelled, and proceeded to play another NONSTOP UPLIFTING DANCE TRIP on his Technics 1200mkII's.  
  
"We're just so lucky to have him around!" Shinji said, drinking a wine cooler. "I wouldn't know what we'd do with out him now!" he added with a flip of his wrist.  
  
"Yes, he is just so cool!" Asuka said, admiring him as he mixed track after track of PROGRESSIVE TRANCE. He was just so perfect in every way that she could ever want a man. Unfortunately this made her very nervous around Delecour, so she could never quite know what a cool guy he actually was.  
  
---  
  
Outside the house, a figure lurked, and peered through the windows of the house that they were living in and examined Tristan's RX-7. He took aim with a pistol, aiming at the car, only to stop himself from shooting. He knew that he would have to save it for later. On the hood of the car, he put his calling card on it, which was a CD. To know that he was a threat made him even more happy.  
  
---  
  
Tristan put on a chillout CD on his setup and got back down from the decks as things started to wind down. Asuka was hammered and leaning against the wall, looking at him through bleary eyes. Misato and Shinji were unconcious on the couch, Misato making groping motions at Shinji, and Shinji batting them away.  
  
"Hey Asuka, you okay?" Tristan asked, with a sense of concern for the poor girl.  
  
"All I want.... is.. to have.. have.. a ch-child of my own...." Asuka said and fell to the floor.  
  
"Okay Asuka, you've had too much stuff to drink!" Tristan said, picking her up and supporting her to the bathroom where he put her in the shower and turned on the water, complete with clothing on.  
  
"What are you doing?!" She screamed, her hair hanging in her face. "I'm f-f-f-fine!" she yelled and supported herself on the wall.  
  
"Enuck-chuck!" Tristan yelled and pulled her out of the shower. "Strip and put the towel on so you can go to sleep."  
  
"Weaaaaait I don't feel so hot.." Asuka said, and bent over the toilet to throw up.  
  
"Oh, I hate Japanese beer," Tristan said, sighing, and flinging the towel over Asuka while she vomited her beer. "I'll be back in a while, going for a drive."  
  
"Will you... Come back to me?" She asked looking up.  
  
"Yes, but not when you're barfing dinner!" Tristan laughed and closed the door, while Asuka resumed vomiting.  
  
---  
  
Going out to his car, Tristan noticed something that was terribly wrong. Someone had been there and left something on top of his car. Now normally this wasn't much of an issue to him, but he saw the small jewel case on the hood, he knew that there was only one person who would dare do that...  
  
"Oakenfold..." Tristan said, and crushed the CD with his hand, getting splinters of plastic in his right hand. "I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, WAITING AND WATCHING FOR ME!" he yelled into the air, only to be yelled at by his neighbors to "please be quiet."  
  
  
END CHAPTER ONE. 


	2. BATTLE STYLE

CHAPTER TWO:BATTLE STYLE  
  
  
Tristan finally made it back to the house at 1:00 AM where he found Shinji and Misato still on the couch, passed out. He continued through the house and hobbled over to where a bed was and collapsed. Some time in the middle of his sleep cycle, he felt someone flop beside him, but that was not as important as his sleep for the next day was.  
  
When he awoke that morning at 7:00 AM, he saw the familiar form of Asuka Langley wearing a loose t-shirt and sleep pants beside him. He sighed as he stood up and stretched, noticing no one but himself was up. Asuka rolled over and continued to sleep, clutching a pillow to her well formed chest.  
  
"Ah.. What an inspirational area!" Tristan said as he went out to the rather small back yard and practiced his Jeet Kun Do.  
  
After practicing for a half hour, he wondered what exactly he was to do, so he went back inside and turned on the plasma monitor TV set, ignoring Shinji and Misato for the time being. He flipped through the channels and finally settled on the news.  
  
"Yesterday, for the first time in seven long years, an angel attack struck Tokyo Three! The JSDF, as usual got their ass kicked, but what seemed to be a new Evangellon unit defeated it and saved the day! To the pilot of that defense robot, we salute you! Thanks to your skills, you saved everyone and didn't break anything like seven years ago!"  
  
Tristan smirked and cracked open a can of his favorite beverage in the world, Red Bull open, chugging it down.  
  
"In other local news..." The reporter carried on and Tristan got up to put the cases of Red Bull in the refridgerator, on top of the beer.  
  
"Aack!" Tristan yelled as he saw the black and white thing down below him move. "What the hell is that?" as it got up and took out a beer from the refridgerator.  
  
"Oh that's just Pen Pen," Misato said, yawning and grabbing a beer for herself. "He's my pet penguin."  
  
"Ah! Cool!" Tristan petted him on the head.  
  
"You better hurry to school!"  
  
"WaitÐ School?" Tristan asked, slightly confused.  
  
"Yes, back to college, TOKYO-3 UNIVERSITY!!" Misato said, chugging the beer. "The others are up now and you should probably give them a ride."  
  
"Sorry, but my car only seats two, Misato."  
  
"Just tow one of them behind you." Misato threw the can across the room and it flopped into the barrel.  
  
"Fine, he can play in the jungle gym of my rollbar" Tristan said, rolling his eyes in disgust, then going back to his room, emptying out the box of his clothes.  
  
Tossing aside the variety of KIKWEAR pants, he decided to wear his army green 40" wide at the bottom UFO's, with a plain black T-shirt. He put on his shoes which were of the OSIRIS brand, although they were quite beat. He knew he had to get some new ones soon, or else he would end up hurting himself via improper arch support. He saw Asuka tumble through the house wrapped in a towel, digging through the boxes of her stuff for clothing. She eventually pulled out a generic green strap top and some pants, which Tristan complimented when he saw her come out.  
  
"Oh, Tristan, you are just so sweet!" She giggled.  
  
"Heh, heh!" Tristan chuckled, "Don't I know! We'd better get Shinji or he's going to make us late for class! And you know what that means!"  
  
"... Uh, no?" Asuka looked at Tristan a bit confused.  
  
"That means they'll have to deal with... uh... I'll get back to you on that.." Tristan said, trying to think up of something so suave and sexually tittilating.  
  
"I'm coming!" Shinji cried out as he ran down the stairs of the house. "My hair was just so imperfect!"  
  
Asuka sighed and went back to admiring Tristan.  
---  
  
Tristan drove very slowly on the way in to school as to not to disturb Shinji's spiky hair. He had carefully gelled it for that reason alone. Asuka, not quite sure what to do at this new college considering her degree was already earned, meekly followed orders, along with the ability to stay closer to Tristan.  
  
"Tristan, the next turn is to the left... and... oh no!" Shinji said as the Mazda was boxed in by several black Nissan Silvias that look like they meant buisness. The one on the right of Tristan signalled him to pull over.  
  
"It's the Yakuza! And they look angry!" Asuka said, pointing at the men in their dark sunglasses.  
  
Tristan pulled over and stepped out of the car. "Can I help you?" he asked, not closing the door.  
  
"You're passing through JOINT-EXPLOSION-DRIFT-YAKUZA turf! Give us your car and we might spare your lives!" The leader with the acne-scarred skin said.  
  
"Hmm.. Well, I really do like my ultimately super kick-ass RX-7, but I will do this one thing," Tristan said, pointing at the mountain road ahead of him. "I'll drift against you down this mountain road and if I lose, well, you can have that redhead for your sexual pleasures over there, AND my car! But if I win, you have to leave us alone and give me respect!"   
  
"Whaat?" Asuka yelled, but she was confident in Tristan's driving skills.  
  
"... Hmmm," The Yakuza considered, as this 6' tall white kid could not possibly defeat his Silvia in drift-combat. And that red headed girl was just what his perverse sexual fetishes ordered. "Deal."  
  
"Okay, just don't touch the goods until the end!" Tristan said, telling his two passengers to exit his car.  
  
---  
  
At the start of the mountain, Tristan felt a slight breeze in the air. The smell of fresh ADVAN tires and exhaust fumes from his APEXi GT-SPEC exhaust-system filled the air with a synthetic taste to his pallette.  
  
"The deal is, that you are to get to the end of the road as fast as possible past that pole at the end of the road!" The Silvia owner told him.  
  
"Understood." Tristan said, getting back into his car and strapping himself in, glaring at the other driver.  
  
One of the fellow gang members stood at the start and prepared the cars for the start. Tristan revved the 13B and knew that he was going to win. He didn't like racing the FD, as his real race car was back at home, but Asuka was on the line, so he knew that he had to win.  
  
"GO!" The starter yelled, putting his hands down. The RX-7 lurched forward leaving the S13 Silvia in the dust. Tristan's mountain driving technique was superb. Truly both man and machine were well prepared for this race.   
  
Tristan drove very fast and won by a large distance. He pumped his fists in the air as the S13 Silvia came to the end of the road behind his RX-7.  
  
"Wowwie!" Shinji yelled, so obviously impressed by Tristan's impressive driving skills. "You won, Tristan!"  
  
"Your skills are impressive, but you still lose!" The Yakuza yelled and had all eight of his men attack Tristan at once, but Tristan was way too fast for them all to see him move and he quickly broke the leg of the first man who attacked him with a well placed kick.  
  
"Oh no! I cannot watch!" Shinji whimpered, covering his eyes.  
  
"Throw me the tonfa's in the back, Asuka!" Tristan yelled while giving a flying reverse roundhouse kick to the head of another Yakuza.  
  
"Yes sir!" Asuka yelled and threw them in the heat of battle.  
  
"Hai!" Tristan jumped up in the air and caught them, bringing the first one down onto the top of the head of a Yakuza member. Tristan eventually beat all of them except the first driver that he went against in the beginning.  
  
"You are as good in hand to hand combat as you are driving! Impressive!" The Yakuza member said. "But we are not to battle yet! Till we meet again, Tristan Delecour!" and he got back into his car, spinning the tires as he drove off.  
  
"Wow! I didn't know you were so tough, Tristan!" Asuka said, running up to him. "Your bet of me was sure a gutsy move! I'm so glad you find my body worthy of betting!"  
  
"Ha ha ha! Yes, but I knew that my car was more than enough of a deal!" Tristan said, and much to his chagrin, he got a peck on the cheek from Asuka.  
  
"Thank you!" She said, going back to the car.  
  
Shinji just sort of stood there and looked at the mountain road and the tire marks all over it.  
  
"Well, we better get to class or else we'll be in big trouble!" Shinji said, worried that he might be missing some important information in whatever class that they were currently missing.  
  
"Aye aye, Captain Shinji!" Tristan gave a mock salute and got back into the car, rocketting down the road to Tokyo-3 University.  
  
---  
  
"We made it, finally," Asuka said, breathing a sigh of relief.  
  
Tristan pulled the car into a parking spot and noticed a red and black 1986 Toyota Trueno Sprinter sitting in the lot. He ran up to it and admired it.  
  
"Wow, wow, wow! This car is classic!" Tristan said, looking at the boxy styling of the car in comparison to his own sleek white RX-7.  
  
"Oh, that's just Rei's car," Shinji replied.  
  
"Wow! I will have to do some 'special teaching' for Rei then!" Tristan smiled and joined up with Asuka and Shinji.  
  
---  
  
The three finally arrived at the class where the teacher was droning on and on about Second Impact and how it effected Japan's fishing industry. But after sitting down, Tristan felt like he was being watched, and admired. He turned around and looked behind him.  
  
"Hello there!" a boy with skin almost as pale as Rei's, red eyes, and snow-white hair said to him. "What's your name?"  
  
"My name is Tristan Delecour!" Tristan said, extending a hand. "What's your name?"  
  
"Kaworu Nagisa!"  
  
Shinji turned around and shrieked when he heard those two words together.  
  
"I thought I killed you!" Shinji said, turning around to see the supposed final angel.  
  
"Well, that was just my clone when it was under the control of the angels that you are battling now!" Kaworu explained, making various hand motions. "And SEELE is really bad!"  
  
"Wow, I certainly am lucky to have you around!" Shinji seemed estatic to have Kaworu back around. Tristan, however, wasn't as trusting as Shinji, because Tristan is so good with everything.  
  
---  
  
"I'm going to go back with Kaworu!" Shinji announced once the class was through. "We have a lot of catching up to do! And stuff."  
  
"Make sure you respond to an Angel attack, even though I'll keep everyone in Tokyo 3 safe!" Tristan said to Shinji. "But I need to find that blue haired girl! Come on Asuka, we have to go find Rei!"  
  
"Okay, Tristan!"  
  
---  
  
Rei sat happily in the corner of the cafeteria with her freshly found Photek CD, Form and Function. After selecting the last track, she prepared herself for the beautiful concaphony of sound that was ALMOST as good as Tristan's latest CD, but she had to buy a new PROGRESSIVE TRANCE MEGAMIX CD since Tristan had just signed it the other day.  
  
Just as she had started the track, who but the number one SUPERSTAR TRANCE DJ in the world, Tristan Delecour to show up in front of her.  
  
"Umm... Hello?" Rei said, blushing while removing her ear buds. It was so embarassing to be listening to someone else's CD when the great Tristan Delecour was around.  
  
"Do you drive the 1986 Toyota Trueno Sprinter," Tristan asked her. "you know, the red and black one out in the parking lot?"  
  
"Yes, I do?" She said, wondering if this was pleasing Tristan and increasing her chances to sleep with him, or if her car was not cool enough and that Tristan would never even think of sleeping with her thus ending her purpose in life. She tried to think of what she was going to get instead of that car that would please Tristan's car knowledge.  
  
"That is SO COOL! I will teach you how to drift it, among.. other things," Tristan said, putting his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Oh joyous of joys!" Rei cheered internally as a fanfare went off in her mind. She knew she was on the fast track to success, but she also knew that she could not be too apprehensive to Tristan, as she needed to make sure she was looking perfect for when they were going to drift together.  
  
"I would be more than delighted," She responded, pushing the stop button on her CD player.  
  
"Great. I'll pick you up around 10 tommorow, as tommorow is a weekend and we will be partying tonight! You can come with us if you want!" Tristan said "I am DJing tonight at a local club for a benifit for more gas stations to open for our cars!"  
  
"Wow, that certainly is a worthy cause, Tristan!" Asuka said, clinging at Tristan's arm, vying for his attention rather than him giving Rei all the satisfaction of Delecour's words.  
  
"I know it is, Asuka, I know it is."  
  
Asuka just merely hummed away.  
  
"So see you at ten tommorow morning, Rei?" Tristan asked again.  
  
"Off course!" Rei replied and smiled a little, JUST for Tristan.  
  
---  
  
"Tristan," Asuka whined, "would you teach me how to drift?"   
  
"Of course I would Asuka!" Tristan responded, "but we need to get you a car too! Maybe once my first car arrives, I will let you drive that one!"  
  
"Oh boy, you mean you would do that for me?" Asuka asked with her eyes wide. Tristan was offering her his FIRST car?! She couldn't believe what a lucky girl she was.  
  
"Yup! It should be arriving in two weeks or so!" Tristan said, and threw the car around the corner.  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile at NERV...  
  
"I just can't believe the performance and mixing skills that Tristan Delecour has!" Gendo said, putting on one of Tristan's CD's on his personal CD player. "It's too bad I didn't have a daughter because Tristan is the son that I always wish I had and Tristan could marry her and he could call me Dad!"  
  
"But Gendo, don't you think you should have that meeting with SEELE now?" Fuyutsuki said, not wanting to interrupt the beautiful music that was being played.  
  
"I guess so." Gendo said and went to the room.  
  
"Hello Gendo," SEELE group members said to him. "The Unit 04 repairs are by far too expensive to keep up! You simply must cut the budget somewhere!"  
  
"I assure you that the sixth pilot has the skills so that the evangelion will remain undamaged. We have developed a new shield to combat its weak points, and have created a set of tonfas that go along with Delecour's hand to hand combat style!"  
  
"We hope you are not lying to us! Or we will make you pay dearly! We have our methods!"  
  
"Me? Lie?" Gendo asked.  
  
The SEELE team members dissapeared except one that remained as an audio only box.  
  
"Gendo, this is the chairman of SEELE here, I want you to discontinue Tristan Delecour's service and dislocate him from the nation of Japan!"  
  
"But why! Angels are showing up and we need the best pilots we can get!"  
  
"Dooooo iiiiiit!" The voice commanded.  
  
"No! Tristan is by far too much of an asset to NERV and Unit 04 is essential for saving humanity forever." Gendo said in return.  
  
"Fine. You may expect... Dire consequences of this decision," The voice pillar dissapeared and everything was gone.  
  
"Golly gee, Gendo, are you sure about that decision?" Fuyutsuki asked.  
  
"What are they going to do? Cut our funding? It's not like we don't already make double what SEELE gives us with our marketing abilities."  
  
"I sure hope you're right, Gendo!"  
  
"Relax. I have everything under control!" Gendo said, pushing play once more on the CD player.  
---  
  
Tristan Delecour drove back and started to unpack all of his equipment and clothing into his new room. On the wall he put his "2017 WORLD PROGRESSIVE TRANCE TOUR TRISTAN DELECOUR" poster up that he had signed himself "To: The best Trance DJ in the world, Tristan Delecour, who is just so sexy", along with a Mitsubishi poster of him winning the 2018 WRC along with his old navigator who was , along with the photo of him, his mother, and his father on the small desk that was provided.  
  
"Oh Dad, I hope I am making you proud!" Tristan said, chewing at a fingernail. "I try so hard to please everyone!"  
  
---  
  
After unpacking all of his things, Tristan went into Asuka's room and sat on a chair, watching her unpack various items that were all around her.  
  
"Ooh that's cute," Tristan said, pointing at the dress Asuka was unpacking.   
  
"You really think so?" Asuka asked, questioning the whole reason as to why he would like something so plain.  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"I am sorry that I ever doubted you!" Asuka said, continuing to hang up her clothing. She took a box of underwear and put it in a drawer.  
  
"Are you coming to the gas station benefit club night? I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE will be there!" Tristan said with enthusiasm.  
  
"Oh, I would not miss it for the world!" Asuka said, flinging her arms around Tristan. "You know I would never miss my favorite DJ, rally car driver, drifter, Jeet Kun Do expert, and gormet chef in the world!"  
  
"Yeah, I know!" Tristan said as he smiled.  
  
---  
  
After cooking a wonderful meal with all the special ingredients, Tristan figured it was time to go to the club to get ready. But the phone rang and he answered it.  
  
"Hello?" He answered it. It was his old buddy, Timothy VanPatten, the only interesting person he knew, on the phone.  
  
"Oh no!" Tristan said after he listened for a few minutes. "Dude, I have to go now... but I don't know if I can deal with the news! I'll talk to you later!"  
  
Shinji walked in wearing a robe after taking a fresh bath. "What happened, Tristan?" he asked as Tristan looked very sad.  
  
"My old girlfriend dumped me!" Tristan said, tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm so... heartbroken and surprised at this!"  
  
"Oh no! I am here for your condolences, Tristan!" Shinji extended his hand in an effort to show his trust.  
  
"Thank you, Shinji, you are too kind!" Tristan said, wiping away his eyes. "Are you going to my super trance DJ show tonight?"  
  
"No, me and Kaworu are going to go to the gardens," Shinji said with a smile.  
  
"Wow, that's pretty cool, and stuff, I guess." Tristan mumbled, dissapointed that Shinji didn't want to hear his latest UPLIFTING REMIXES.  
  
"But I'll make sure I go to the next one!"  
  
"Right on!"  
  
A small horn sounded outside and Tristan went out to look. A pale yellow and white Nash Metropoliton was in the driveway behind his RX-7, with the convertable top down and Kaworu in the front seat.  
  
"What the hell?" Tristan blinked at the sight before him.  
  
Shinji yelled out the window, "I'll be right down!"  
  
Kaworu merely winked and shut off the engine. "Mind if I check out your powerful engine until Shinji gets ready?" he purred.  
  
"Sure!" Tristan said, ripping of the Sparco hoodpins on the RX-7.  
  
"Oooh a rotary!" Kaworu squeaked with joy as he saw the mess of vacuum tubes around the sequential Hitachi turbo's and the 13B. "I guess that means you can't stroke your pistons!" he said with a note of dissapointment.  
  
"No, but you can put bigger apex seals in it!"  
  
"Mmmm hmmm, boy I sure wish I could stroke your engine!" Kaworu said while turning to Tristan who was busy looking at the ignition coil.  
  
"You can do that with Rei's!" he replied, not looking up.  
  
"But she's not my type!" Kaworu whined.  
  
"..." Tristan shrugged and put the hood back down.  
  
"I'm reeaaaaady!" Shinji yelled as he ran down in a pair of black leather pants and a form fitting button down shirt, no doubt made by Armani or perhaps Vincent Valentino.  
  
"Nice shirt!" Tristan said, as he had a full Emporio Armani suit in the closet along with his other clothes.  
  
"Thank you! Shall we, Kaworu?"  
  
"Oh, but of course!" Kaworu replied and led him over to the Metropoliton. "Until next time we meet, Delecour-chan!" Kaworu called out and drove off.  
  
"Such a strange one! I find him oddly appealing for some reason..." Tristan started to think before he was interrupted by Asuka's howling.  
  
"WHO TOOK MY LEATHER PANTS?!"  
  
---  
  
The club was packed as Tristan pulled in his specially reserved parking spot where only the VIP's can park. He noticed that Rei's car was there, along with Ritsuko's jeep and Misato's Renalt. Did they all want their gas too?  
  
Walking through the back enterence alone (He made Asuka go through the line as he had to concentrate on the mix session he was about to throw down HARDCORE STYLE), he checked out his library of records that he brought along. All matched to BPM, and ready to knock down the show.  
  
The show currently had some LAME DJ up, and his set was nowhere near as good as Tristan's, nor were his mixing skills. Tristan waited patiently as the retard finally finished his poorly choosen set, and then Tristan walked up, with a hush in the crowd. He pushed the vocoder button on his setup and uttered one word. "Hello."  
  
The entire audience threw their hands up in the air and cheered as Tristan started off the set with another fresh and hot UPLIFTING INFINITY TRANCE TRACK that everyone loved.  
  
As the night progressed into the morning, Tristan began to slow the set down and the crowd responded.  
  
But something was not right.... Tristan felt it in the crowd and he searched it. He checked his cellphone and saw the manager was signalling it was time to end. Tristan put on one last BLISTERING TRANCE ZYGOTE TRACK on, and called it a night.  
  
But something was stilll not right. As the track faded to the close, there was no applause, only silence. The crowd cleared and there was only one man standing in the middle of it. It was OAKENFOLD, and he was wearing a blue polo shirt and khaki's.  
  
"I CHALLENGE YOU, DELECOUR!" Paul Oakenfold, former superstar DJ yelled.  
  
"No you can't!" Rei yelled from the crowd and threw herself at Oakenfold. He tossed her to one side and she collided into a bunch of people.  
  
"You send women after me, Delecour?" Oakenfold yelled, demanding to seek his title back. "You are pitiful! Show yourself!"  
  
"Here I am, Oakenfold!" Tristan yelled, preparing for the ultimate battle right then and there.  
  
"Triistan is just so brave!" Asuka said to a random club goer.  
  
"He certainly is!"  
  
Tristan ran down from the podium and lept into the circle. The bodyguards of the club laid unconcious from Oakenfold's combat skills, but Tristan knew that he was much more agile than them. He crouched into the traditional mantis position and sized Oakenfold up. This was not going to be an easy battle.  
  
"You don't deserve the title of Best DJ in the world!" Oakenfold hissed as he lashed out a fist at Tristan. "SEELE wants you dead!"  
  
Tristan merely dodged it easily and kept circling Oakenfold, waiting for the perfect position to apply his backhand fist against his face. The moment was drawing near and he struck Oakenfold square in face with his reverse backhand. Oakenfold shook his head and stepped back, not ready for the absolute power that Tristan had. Oakenfold kicked at Tristan, but Tristan was too fast and dodged that too.  
  
"THIS IS THE POLICE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP, OAKENFOLD!" One of them yelled.  
  
"Tonight is not the night!" As Oakenfold ran out the exit into the night.  
  
Tristan considered following him, but the fallen form of Ayanami made him rush over to her side.  
  
"I'm sorry I could not defeat him, Tristan," She wheezed out, holding her ribs. "I'll be fine in a few hours."  
  
"Well that's okay, just make sure you're okay for tommorow's lesson, or do you want me to cancel?"  
  
"No, I wouldn't miss it for the world!" She meekly smiled at him as he helped her back up.  
  
"Until then, Ayanami, Until then," Tristan said as he let her go out to her car.  
  
---  
  
As they were driving back to the house, Asuka stared at Tristan in a sense of awe. He was just everything to her now, and she needed to let him know that night.  
  
As they pulled into the driveway, Asuka coughed lightly and Tristan looked over. "Something wrong?"  
  
Asuka looked to the stars and sighed. "Tristan?"  
  
"Yes, Asuka?"  
  
"Do you like me?" She asked as Tristan shut the car down.  
  
"Of course I like you. You make my pants stiff when you're in your plug-suit!" Tristan smiled.  
  
"Oh good, I thought you didn't!" She declared with a happy note.  
  
"Well how could I not?"  
  
"Right!" Asuka reaffirmed her ego and exited the caged RX-7 with ease and dignity. "I had a really nice time, Tristan."  
  
"Hopefully it will be the first of many, if not for that bastard Oakenfold!"  
  
Asuka kissed Tristan and entered the door, dragging him lightly by the hand. "Come on, let's get inside," She said, taking note of his dislike for Oakenfold.  
  
"Mmm hmm." Tristan said in agreement.  
  
---  
  
After Tristan took his shower, he re-entered his room only wearing a towel. He dropped it and put on his pajama bottoms and went to his bed to sleep. He got in it when he felt another body beside him and the hand wrapping around his side.  
  
"Oh, Tristan, I cannot hold back my love and heart for you anymore! Will you make love to me, Tristan?" Asuka asked passionately.  
  
"Well, when you put it that way, sure!" Tristan responded and the two of them had the best sex ever.  
  
---  
  
"Wow, for a virgin, you were pretty good!" Tristan remarked to the post-orgasmic blissful Asuka that Tristan had put her in with his perfect sexual technique.  
  
"Yeah..." Asuka said woozily, as Tristan put his bottoms back on. He got up and started to walk out the door. "Tristan?"  
  
"What is it, Asuka?" Tristan didn't turn around to her as he was deep in though.  
  
"If I don't see you before Easter... Have a nice one, okay?" Asuka said with her eyes half open.  
  
"Yes, Asuka." Tristan exited the door for a drink of orange juice before he decided that he too would join her in sleep.  
  
"Oakenfold, someday... Some day you will be defeated! And so shall SEELE!" Tristan vowed. He went back into the bedroom and went to bed with Asuka in his arms.  
  
END CHAPTER TWO 


	3. LOVE BLOOMS?

CHAPTER THREE: LOVE BLOOMS?  
  
Rei Ayanami awoke precisely at eight o'clock AM in her still rather small apartment. Her few treasured possessions sat on the desk to the right of her bed, which included Gendo's heat broken glasses, Tristan's signed CD, and her small CD player, the headphones coiled up, still connected. The apartments walls had a few Japanese calligraphy paintings, a reproduction print of "The Great Wave" by Hokusai, with a message on the frame that read "This was the spirit of Japan you are fighting for" along with a small NERV symbol besides it, which was quite ironic considering Hokusai's own work was heavily influenced by Western-style art in Japan's period of isolationism, but to Rei, this was her home, and she liked it.  
  
As she rose from her bed, she stretched carefully, as to avoid extending any of her finely tuned tendons. Her face was a little puffy after staying up all night, she noticed after glancing at the mirror, so she headed over to her freezer which contained an ice-gel mask that she would wear for the rest of her morning routine.  
  
While doing her stomach crunches, Rei felt a slight pain in her abdomen, no doubt because of her actions with Paul Oakenfold the previous night. Rei stood up and lifted her shirt, feeling the skin around the area of pain. There was no bruise, which she was thankful for, but the skin was tender, and she winced as she pushed the center of it.  
  
Heading over to her white tiled bathroom, Rei disrobed casually and left her clothing on the floor. She looked at herself in the mirror once more, removing the gel-pack, pleased to see her eyes were looking much less puffy. Turning on the shower, Rei removed the body lotion and skin care gel from the cabinet under her sink, along with a soft, natural sponge to apply it. The water reached the desired temperature and she stepped in with never before seen grace and beauty. As she rubbed the sponge softly against her pale white skin, Rei thought about if her car was prepared correctly or not, because she did not wish to disappoint Tristan.  
  
After applying the body gel and moisturizer to her skin in the shower, Rei applied the shampoo to her mid length blue hair, gently rubbing in the roots of the hair for a full shine. She rinsed her hair with the removable shower head, watching the soapy water go down the drain. Once her hair was rinsed, she removed a bottle of conditioner and put the conditioner in, running her hands through her hair, the warm water cascading over her breasts and the rest of her torso.  
  
She rinsed her hair and turned off the water, wrapping a towel around herself, her damp hair sticking to her pale skin, looking for any imperfections that she could find in her face. Satisfied with the fact she could find nothing wrong, she removed her hair drier from the cabinet, replacing the body care bottles in their proper containers, while she dried her hair, carefully. She was aiming to keep her "cute and natural" look, but in reality, it took a careful hand and many different hair care products to keep it that way.  
  
From L'oreal, Rei removed the gel and produced a small dab of it to apply to her hair. It spread evenly throughout her hair as she gently fingered it in, and made the controlled mess of hair that she worked so hard to keep. She put the gel back away and looked at her face one nose, making various expressions. Sullen, overjoyed, devious, depressed, horny, happy, indifferent, she tried them all. A small makeup kit was on her sink counter, and Rei considered putting some on, but something in her head made her think that Tristan was the type who liked natural rather than made up, at least when he was teaching her new techniques. Instead she decided on a small dab of moisturizer for her face, along with a hydrating facial mask to be applied five minutes after the usage of the moisturizer.  
  
Rei returned to her bedroom nude, her hair, face, and body prepared for her lessons from Tristan Delecour. She opened her closet and looked through it. In it were several old High School uniforms, a few dresses from various designers like Gucci, Emporio Armani, Chanel, Prada, Versace, and various other fashion designers, that Gendo had given her, most of which she had worn once and hung back up, three silk kimono; red, blue, and white, and a few various t-shirts, sweat shirts, and some collared shirts that were from people over the years. She pulled out a dark red t-shirt that cut off a bit below her navel. She found some underwear and a bra, both of which were white cotton, and pulled them on while holding the t-shirt in between her teeth.  
  
For her pants (an evening gown was not going to be able to work well in her newly installed five-point restraint system by Sparco) , she decided to wear something that was loose and comfortable, yet would not get in the way of her footwork on the car's pedals. She decided on a pair of light blue cotton/polyester blended cargo pants that she kept around for the weekends to relax in while not being bothered with things like her uniform. After putting them on with her shirt, Rei felt hungry and decided to eat something that was both filling yet healthy for her skin and body.  
  
Rei opened her refrigerator and delicately removed a kiwi from the top most shelf, along with a stainless steel knife in the cabinet next to it. She went over to her table, sitting down with a plate, the kiwi, and knife. As she slowly peeled the fuzz of the kiwi, her mind wandered to Tristan again. "Was he going to be on time? Was he going to be friendly to her?"  
  
As she was deep in thought, Rei did not even notice that she had cut her thumb with the knife while peeling the kiwi, the drops of red blood falling on the plate. She looked down in a perverse sense of interest and put her thumb in her mouth, dropping the knife on the plate. She ran over to her bathroom, pulling out a band-aid, and then rinsing the bleeding digit under the cold water before applying the new band-aid. Rei returned to her table and carefully dipped her finger in the small bit of blood that leaked on the plate. Its coppery taste was not unpleasant, but it was not something she enjoyed. She put a piece of the kiwi in her mouth, and savored the taste. The kiwi soon disappeared, and Rei ate another two before being satisfied.  
  
The small clock on the wall read nine twenty, Tristan was not due for another forty minutes, and Rei was bored. The small television on the wall did not offer much entertainment, and she did not feel like staying inside on her computer on such a pleasant day. Rei grabbed her portable CD player and her keys, exiting her apartment after putting on a pair of white sneakers.  
  
She was the only one in her building, and she walked down the hallway alone, listening to the buzzing of the fluorescent lights, along with the sun pouring through the windows, adding light yellow colored squares to the otherwise dull gray carpets. She reached the stainless steel doors of the elevator, pushing the down button. She wondered to herself if her small collection of tools was going to be good enough for the adjustment of her freshly installed Tein coil overs. Rei had visited Gendo right after talking with Tristan, and Gendo decided that if she was going to drive like that, he would have her car prepared to the upper echelon. Within five hours, Gendo had a team of forty-six NERV employees transform the humble commuter car into a full out drift machine.  
  
Rei gently pushed the plastic button for the basement, the soft yellow light illuminating the face behind it, giving off a small sense of comfort. She was not at all worried about people entering the building unsupervised, as it was closely guarded by NERV guards whom she had yet to learn their names. As the elevator doors quietly closed, Rei removed the small black plastic ear buds from her pocket and gently inserted them in her ears, brushing aside the hair that covered them. She pushed play on the roll-style remote and skipped to track number four, her personal favorite track.  
  
As the beat progressed on her headphones, the elevator sped to the basement, and Rei felt the slight bit of weightlessness that one feels while in an elevator that falls at that speed. The doors reopened and Rei headed out to her red Trueno. A two meter tall, eight meter long, red tool-rack sat undisturbed in front of it, locked with a padlock. Along the side were eight sets of ADVAN tires, which were Yokohama's racing tires, that were pre-mounted on bronze Volk TE-37 rims. Rei entered the familiar combination on the lock, and the steel doors easily opened with a silent grace that could only be compared to the likes of royal guards. She looked through the tools, which contained various metric socket sets and custom tools for removing or adjusting just about any component on the car. Rei opened the bottom cabinet and went through the components. A few different spring rates, six quarts of synthetic oil, wiring, three head gaskets, two sets of balanced pistons with rings, a complete rear end assembly for the Trueno, and various other parts that were of little consequence at the moment.  
  
She sat down on the front bumper and was content to listen to her CD player, and she gently sprawled herself on the carbon fiber hood on the car, carefully laying her back on it as to not crack it. Time passed and she stared at the flickering light in the concrete ceiling. The ceiling had been recently done over, but for what reason, Rei couldn't figure out. It seemed so useless to be the only one in the entire thirty story apartment complex. She relaxed to the music and closed her eyes, ignoring the outside world.  
  
---  
  
"Rei, Rei? Are you okay, Rei?" Tristan tapped Rei gently on the shoulder. It was Tristan Delecour and he was wearing a navy blue t-shirt along with a pair of loose fitting gray pants that seemed to be made of a plastic and cotton blend. His hair was gelled slightly, holding the strands of hair together in a very attractive manner. His face had a days worth of stubble, giving that masculine, rugged look to his face that made Rei feel rather... different than she usually did.  
  
"Oh, Hello.. I was... just..." Rei began to speak, her own red eyes darting away from Tristan's deep brown eyes. She quickly removed her ear buds and placed the silvery CD player in her side pocket for later usage. It was quite a nice system, considering the fact that it would stand temperatures upwards of 200 degrees centigrade, along with managing to be waterproof to an impressive 100 meters. Neither of those she had tested, but the box said so.  
  
"Resting?" Tristan asked with a chuckle. "I understand, I mean, you were up at the club last night!"  
  
"Yes... I was..." Rei shyly looked to the ground.  
  
"Wow, so this is your car? It looks a lot different..." Tristan said, looking at the heavily modified AE86.  
  
"Well, I had some help..."  
  
"No shit... It looks like you've got more cash in this car than I do on my seven!" Tristan exclaimed, walking around the car, but not taking his eyes off of Rei's form.  
  
"Gendo did that..." Rei said quietly.  
  
"Heh, I need to get some connections to him like that," Tristan thought, returning to Rei at the front of the car. He dragged his finger over her hand and then gently tugged at her arm. "Let's drift..." Tristan said with a hushed voice, their eyes meeting for the first time.  
  
Rei understood and slipped off the front bumper with incredible grace and ease, as if she was a dancer in the ballet. She opened the driver's side door and slipped in the red suede Sparco seats, and pulled the black woven restraints over her thin shoulders. Tristan did likewise closing his door and sitting back quietly. Rei inserted the key, and the engine leapt to life, expelling a stentorian note. Tristan glanced over to Rei, but she seemed determined to make this a worthwhile session.  
  
"Okay Rei," Tristan said, "Let's take the route up to the..."   
  
Rei sharply turned the car to the right, then tossing the wheel to the left, inducing a perfect drift while maintaining the angle of the sideways drift with a combination of the throttle and light emergency-brake work.  
  
"Right then, you choose where you want to go..." Tristan said, looking out at the cityscape of Tokyo-3.  
  
---  
  
Rei tossed the rear end of the old Trueno out to the exit of the turn, with skill that intimidated Tristan's own drift skill. It was clearly obvious that this girl knew what she was doing.   
  
"That was good, Rei.." Tristan said, noting the intense amount of concentration that was shown on Rei's face. She brought the car up to its new 9000 RPM redline and jammed the car into third, pulling the two of them higher up the empty mountain road. Tristan looked out the side and saw a lake that reflected the mountain like a mirror image. He was about to tell Rei to pull over at the next rest area, when she braked the car and slowly turned into an old dirt stop where a bench sat. Rei turned off the motor and pulled the cool metal lever that held the fastener together. Tristan looked over at her, but she had already exited the car.  
  
"She's quite abrupt.." Tristan thought as he undid his own harness and exited the car. He followed Rei to the bench and sat down a few inches beside her.  
  
"It truly is beautiful, isn't it?" She asked with a subdued tone in her voice, "I come up here to think for myself and reflect upon my actions, be it decisions in combat, or in my life," She turned and looked to Tristan, her eyes giving a pleading look for approval. "Don't you think?"  
  
Tristan was just breathless by the serene beauty that Rei seemed to have found. The mountain reflection. The clouds in the sky. The subtle distortion that made it possible to know which side the sky was on... It was almost magical.  
  
"It truly is beautiful," Tristan said, looking back at Rei, who had moved herself even closer to Tristan, and then leaned over on his side.  
  
"Sometimes, I get so tired of fighting," Rei said, slipping her slender fingers around Tristan's hand. "Don't you get tired of it? Don't you want to escape from it all? Does the fame get to you? I want to know how.." Rei trailed off, her voice breaking up.  
  
"I don't know how," Tristan said, looking back over at the mountain road. "It's hard. After losing my mother those seven years ago to NERV2, and my father shortly after that, it's like I've had no one to look up to other than myself, and other people to set examples for me. I've done what everyone has wanted me to do to the fullest extent that I can.. And sometimes I do want to stop it all..." Tristan looked back over to Rei, who had a single tear in her eye. "What's wrong?"  
  
"... I'm worthless." Rei stated bluntly, turning her head away from Tristan's gaze. "I'm nothing compared to you."  
  
"No you're not! You're a great girl!" Tristan said, trying to console her.  
  
"I am not! I'm nothing but a worthless clone!" Rei turned away even more to Tristan, showing her back to him.  
  
"What do you mean?" Tristan asked with a great deal of concern for the girl. "Surely you had parents at one point or another! You must have been loved as a child by someone! It's a biological thing!"  
  
"No, no, I am nothing but a useless genetic experiment that failed. An attempt at one man trying to make himself a god, rather than caring about his own son. A try to control mankind's destiny seven years ago, and I am all that is left of that horrible project." Rei said, the tears flowing freely at this point.  
  
Tristan looked at Rei with both an extreme case of sympathy and new found curiosity. "What are you cloned of?"  
  
"I am half Angel, and half of Ikari's former wife, Yui Ikari," Rei said, burying her head in Tristan's chest while wrapping her arms around his torso. "I died three times previously. I don't remember much before those times, but I do know I did not survive."  
  
"Half angel?" Tristan thought to himself. What was this girl? Was she really this far fetched story? She was different than other girls her age, but she wasn't some sort of horrible monster that tried to destroy Tokyo-3, or the world. "I don't care about any of that..." Tristan said, holding Rei close to him gently, the sun sparkling over the water.  
  
"Aren't you afraid of me? Aren't I a freak of nature?" Rei said, her tears dripping down on her shirt, leaving small water stains around the top of her chest. "Don't I frighten you?"  
  
"No, Rei, you do not," Tristan said with great sincerity. "You're truly a special girl and I want you to know something that I feel between us..." he continued, gently wiping away her tears from her eyes. She looked absolutely stunning to Tristan, given the scenery, her pale flawless skin and hair contrasting each other, the mirror-like lake creating even more of a mood.  
  
"I-" Tristan took Rei's face in his hands softly when he felt his left leg spasm off and on. "... I will get back to you on that." Tristan removed his hands and answered the small red cellphone.  
  
"A blue pattern!?" Tristan exclaimed, forgetting totally about the drift lesson with Rei. "Yes, we'll be right over!"  
  
"There's another attack..." Rei stated, looking over to the evergreen forest. "They're coming again."  
  
"We have to get back to headquarters..." Tristan said, standing up. "No time to go get my car, you'll really have to show me your skills now!"  
  
"I will do so to the best of my abilities!" Rei said, wiping her face with her hand, wishing that Tristan had not brought his phone along. Rei had left her phone on her desk, just for the chance that was going to happen between the two of them.  
  
---  
  
"INVADOR ALERT! INVADOR ALERT!" The sixty centimeter flat-screen monitor read. Maya Ibuki looked over to Ritsuko Akagi, who kicked the terminal that sat under the steel metal desk. The screen quickly changed to "BLUE PATTERN" with a close up of a cellular structure.  
  
"Be so kind as to note that error down for us, Maya?" Ritsuko asked her assistant.  
  
"Yes, ma'am!" the brunette responded, rapidly typing some keys.  
  
"Where are our pilots?" Ritsuko asked, looking up to the terminal with her eyes finding Gendo.  
  
---  
  
Asuka Sohryu Langley was not in a pleasant mood. Not only was Tristan gone before she awoke, but also she was crammed in the back of Misato's Renault, heading over to headquarters with Shinji. Sure, it might have been fine to fit back there when she was a few inches shorter, but getting her entire 5'9" frame into the back of the car was an ordeal in itself. Kaworu didn't seem to mind puttering along behind them in his Metropolitan, but he was no longer a pilot, but merely served as a consultant for those pesky creatures that SEELE seemed to be sending recently.  
  
"I'm dying from lack of oxygen back here!" Asuka whined, tugging at her white sleeveless top which was clinging to her chest in a way that suggested that it was a few sizes too small.  
  
"Hey, you're the one who lost!" Shinji said to Asuka, who calmly held on to the Renault's interior handle. "I got evens, and you put a one out. I did the same. I win."  
  
"Would you two shut up?" Misato yelled, speeding through the traffic, the accessory siren blaring, causing her head to wrack in pain along with the siren's blare. Unfortunately, the old Alpine did not have a CD player, otherwise she would have been playing one of Tristan's CD's that Shinji had sitting in the left hand side driver's compartment. Misato sighed and pulled down her black DKNY sunglasses and tore into the underground Geofront.  
  
---  
  
"Zoom in on the creature!" Ritsuko ordered. The remote scout plane flew overhead, closing in on the angel's impact area, which was approximately ten kilometers away. The entire city of Tokyo three was already underground, and the plain white combat buildings were in their place, ready to dispense various weapons, if the pilots were out fighting.  
  
"Dear God..." Fuyutsuki said while covering his mouth. "It's wearing a hula skirt?"  
  
"Yes, it apparently is..." Gendo replied slowly, looking at the massive angel on his personal monitor, before the entire GeoFront was shook by massive reverberations from the angel's call.  
  
"HALUGLAUGALUAGA!" The creature screamed again. The Angel seemed to be entirely black and white, as if it was drawn, rather than grown, with the mushroom shaped head with nine eyes, huge mouth, circle with another circle on the chest, along with being a bipedal humanoid body type, and the strangely placed hula skirt. It truly was disturbing.  
  
"Where hell are they!?" Ritsuko yelled as the beast closed its nine eyes, opening its mouth, and raising its fists in apparent anger.  
  
---  
  
"Hurry up, Rei!" Tristan said as the Trueno Sprinter broke through the gates and ran up along side Misato's Alpine. Shinji gave a friendly wave and they were fast approaching the center of NERV. Rei pulled over to one side, ripped out the keys and ran to the entry plugs. Shinji, Asuka, and Tristan followed up right behind. While they were running through the silvery halls of NERV, they finally reached the entry plugs, each one labeled appropriately.  
  
"Let's go!" Tristan yelled and threw himself into Unit 04's entry plug. The other pilots followed suit and sat in their entry plug while the LCL link fluid filled their plugs.  
  
"Launching unit's 00 through 04!" Misato yelled from the control room, slightly disheveled from her jaunt through the hallways.  
  
---  
  
The Angel watched the four units launch from their respective pods carefully. It stood still and cried out once more, in frustration with its task. Having to destroy Lilith and retrieve Adam was not their goal. But now there were four relatives standing in between its task and that couldn't do.  
  
"What is that thing?" Asuka muttered, grabbing for an ax. "Tristan, you take point, and Rei, you back him up and I'll go in with Shinji!" she commanded, much more secure of her piloting skills again.  
  
Unit 01 was sitting on a building side, examining a new energy-style rifle that came out of one of the combat buildings. "Such a dreadful instrument!" Shinji said to himself, picking it up and looking at it. What he didn't know is that he had his finger on the trigger, and that he had just shot up one of the pure white GeoFront buildings.  
  
"Sorry!" He said, handing it over to Rei in her blue EVA.  
  
"Shinji-kun," He heard over his personal intercom, and it could only have come from one special person. "There's something strange about that angel. I'm working with the systems here to try to translate what it's saying!"  
  
"Good work Kaworu!" Tristan said, grabbing a very large scale MP5 along with what seemed to be a giant Plexiglas shield that had a large NERV logo on it along with white bordering. "Are you ready Asuka?"  
  
"Let's go!" Asuka cried and ran towards the target, her ax wielded high above her EVA's head. The Angel, however, had different plans for her, and screamed once more. The reverberations of "HALUGALUGALUGALUGALUGALUGALUGA!!" ripped through the air, and Asuka stopped dead in her tracks, her red evangelion clutching at its head in a sense of pain.  
  
"What is it doing to me?" Asuka screamed and clutched at her head. The pain was unbearable and throbbing, probing at her deepest corners of her mind. It was like her mind rape all over again. "Not again! Not again!" she whimpered pathetically, yanking the aluminum butterfly handles with   
  
---  
  
"Pull her out of there!" Misato ordered, her fists clanging on the metal desk of the command console.  
  
"Disconnecting neural network linkups to Unit 02... Now!" a technician announced calmly. This was all part of the job for him. He fiddled with a pen and typed in the command to disconnect Unit 02's network. "Disconnected!" he said as the status report on Unit 02 disappeared from the main view screen.  
  
"Do you know what it's saying Kaworu?" Ritsuko turned to the pale, red-eyed man who was calmly sitting in his chair, watching Shinji's status.  
  
"... Well, I'm not sure, and it seems completely crazy, but it's saying something along the lines of a demand for 'dongs'?" Kaworu blushed slightly and sat back a small bit more.  
  
"Dongs. You're saying it wants 'dongs'. Not penis, not male genitalia, but 'dongs'?" Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at the former Angel known as Tabris. "It's a little bit of a fucking wrong time to be making jokes right now, Kaworu."  
  
"I'm not making any jokes at all!" Kaworu stood up, slowly reciting this information. "He's saying something about putting dongs in his mouth."  
  
"Look Kaworu, we can't deal with your bullshit any more, so why don't you just leave!" Misato roared, turning her attention from the fallen Unit 02.  
  
"Why would I lie at this stage?!" he replied calmly  
  
"Rei," Gendo commanded, ignoring the squabble below him, "Move in with great caution, and aim for the circles!"  
  
"Yes sir," Rei blinked and Unit 00 ran in for the kill.  
  
---  
  
"What is she doing?" Tristan thought to himself, knowing that Rei was going to be thrown back like Asuka, if she tried to attack with her progressive knife.  
  
"Rei, no!" Tristan cried out, but it was too late, as the angel had already thrown Rei back with its brawny arms. Unit 00 sailed through the air, colliding head first into the ground, unable to get back up. "Rei!" Tristan ran his silver and black Evangelion over to the impact area where Unit 00 laid limp and tangled within itself. The shoulder fins were deep in the ground, and the right hand twitched slightly around the progressive knife. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine..." Rei spat out, tasting her blood once more in her mouth. "although my EVA is trashed..."  
  
"I know! I'll take care of him for you!" Tristan promised Rei, stroking the head of Unit 00, the black hand of Unit 04 carefully running down the edge of it.  
  
"What are we going to do, Tristan?" Shinji asked, firing a few rounds of the energy rifle at the new Angel. They merely bounced off the Angel's AT field, causing the Angel to seem to get even angrier.  
  
"Does this Angel have a name yet?" Tristan yelled to the control room.  
  
---  
  
"That's a positive, Tristan," Ritsuko said while carefully balancing a cup of coffee in her hand.  
  
"Well, what's its name?"  
  
"... Pants," Ritsuko replied, taking a large sip of the coffee. This was going to be a long day.  
  
"Pants?" Tristan asked back, trying to take this seriously.  
  
"That's what Kaworu said its name was," Ritsuko pointed her thumb back at Kaworu.  
  
"Pants. That's completely and utterly asinine!" Tristan ranted at Ritsuko.  
  
"Tristan!" Gendo yelled to Tristan, commanding his full attention. "I want you and Shinji to form a double point formation and close in on it. It's getting way to dangerously close to Terminal Dogma!"  
  
"Don't you think they shouldn't know about that?" Fuyutsuki nudged Gendo in the side.  
  
"They were going to know any ways, or one of them already knew. I can't keep track of all this stuff!" Gendo said, not looking over at Fuyutsuki. "Now where are my puddin' pops?"  
  
---  
  
Tristan concentrated for a moment. The beautiful clear sky stood out the most in his mind while he looked through the almost plastic-looking false city stood before him. Unit 01 stood to the right of him, maybe a few hundred meters away, while the angel "Pants" was lumbering past the fallen Unit 02 and heading towards the center of the city.  
  
"Tristan!" Kaworu came on over the video screen to Tristan's left view-port. "It's demanding dick now!"  
  
"... What the hell are you talking about?" Tristan said, looking closely as Pants blinked its nine eyes sequentially.  
  
"Don't ask me what it wants, but it's saying something to the effect of 'Put your dicks in my mouth for a special surprise!'" Kaworu gave his trademark smirk and shrugged.  
  
"Um, Kaworu, I know you're of the, ah, different persuasion, but this is hardly the time," Tristan furrowed his brow at Kaworu.  
  
"Why doesn't anyone believe me?" Kaworu said, making a face.  
  
"I do. And I'm going to try this as a distraction. Look, I'm going in on this one, Shinji, cover me when I'm going in!"  
  
"Roger that, Tristan!" Shinji said back, grabbing a spear that was over the length of his own evangelion.  
  
---  
  
"YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE THE MOST ABOUT LIFE?" Unit 04's PA system hammered through out the air. "IT'S LICKING DONG!"  
  
The angel "Pants" turned around from its path to terminal dogma and blinked a few of its eyes at the Evangelion. "HALUGA?" it said, the giant hula skirt shaking slightly.  
  
"YES, THAT'S RIGHT. I HAVE ALL THE DICKS YOU COULD EVER WANT!" Tristan called out to the angel, gripping the virtual progressive knife in his hand. "FRESH, HARD, AND LONG FOR YOUR SUCKING PLEASURE!"  
  
"HALUGALUGA!" The Angel seemed to be pleased with this news and began to plow through the giant white buildings to Unit 04, when with lightning quick speed, Tristan tore through the angel's AT field with the progressive knife, piercing the center of the chest of the angel, cracking the S2 core.  
  
Within the moment that the progressive knife contacted the S2 core center, four square kilometers of the city disappeared, along with Unit 04 and the angel.  
  
"Where's Tristan?" Asuka mewed while watching the battle from her fallen EVA. "Where did he go!? Where's the angel?!"  
  
NERV quickly scrambled, attempting to get radio contact with the lost EVA. Trucks were deployed to recover the fallen pilots as well as the evangelions themselves. Two minutes of absolute silence occurred as the trucks drove out with the recovery equipment before a small black dot was seen in the air.  
  
"What's that?" Ritsuko asked, fiddling with the controls to zoom in. "Wait a second... That's Tristan's EVA! Everyone clear out from under it!"  
  
Tristan's EVA fell through the sky at a blistering pace, the ground approaching the bottom of his EVA way faster than he desired. The EVA fought to respond to Tristan's commands, and finally managed to get into a proper landing procedure that would most protect the entry plug, which was on its two feet, in a crouching position with its right hand out in front. With a giant crash-impact, Tristan's red-soled Eva came in contact once more, promptly falling over after landing from an approximate height of over two kilometers.  
  
---  
  
"Tristan is safe!" Misato happily reported over the PA system. One of the cameras on the view screen showed his entry plug, fully intact, being removed. "Thank the heavens!" she said, sighing and drinking down a bottle of water.  
  
"Yes indeed!" Kaworu chimed in. "I sure do wish he says what he said to that angel to me some day!"  
  
Ritsuko gave a strange look to Kaworu, but she continued on her business with the MAGI system.  
  
"Prepare the pilots for debriefing within the hour," Gendo said with an icy tone to Misato. He had his hands perfectly folded in front of his face, and it was obvious he wasn't happy.  
  
Unit 02 and Unit 00 were found to be in recoverable condition, and their status was shown on the large projection screens, blueprints of them rotating, highlighting damaged areas. "Armor breaching is minimal to none on Unit 02, Unit 00 shows slight structural damage to the head and right arm, full recovery is estimated within a week," Ritsuko calmly read off the screen to herself, not paying attention to her cup of cold coffee that was sitting in her hands. "Unit 01, excellent condition, Unit 04... excellent condition?" Ritsuko scratched her head, and took a sip of the cold coffee.  
  
"Something wrong?" Misato queried Ritsuko.  
  
"No, just that Unit 04 is apparently perfect condition after that fall. Probably just some damaged sensors in the leg areas that won't report in, or maybe a few bugs in the system still..."  
  
"INVADOR ALERT! INVADOR ALERT!" the MAGI screamed through the headquarters. Maya Ibuki, mimicking her favorite among favorite women, kicked the side of her workstation. The alert stopped and things returned to normal.  
  
"Would someone please fix that? Christ on a cross!" Ritsuko muttered while making intricate paper-folds to make an EVA.  
  
"Right then. I better go collect the pilots... We don't want the men upstairs to get cranky," Misato said, fixing her bra strap.  
  
"As you always are."  
  
---  
  
"Wow, that sure was some report I had to give!" Tristan said as the four pilots along with Misato and Kaworu exited to the lot where their cars were parked. The pale white ceiling and walls gave the lot an open feel.  
  
"Yeah, but you did a good enough job," Kaworu sighed happily as he reached his car. "If only you could speak to me like the angel!"  
  
"Uh, what?" Tristan shook his head and continued over to the Toyota. "Well, any ways," he turned to Asuka. "I've got to go over to Rei's apartment to get the Seven, so I'll be back in a bit!"  
  
"You better be back!" Asuka looked disappointed but she got in the 70's Renault Alpine 310 with no qualms. Misato got in and they drove off, leaving Shinji with Kaworu and Tristan with Rei.  
  
"Ooh! Can I drive?" Tristan asked. He had always wanted to drive a Japanese AE86. "I promise not to smack it into the mountain!" he kidded to Rei, who could only grin amusedly at his antics.  
  
"Sure, why not?" Rei replied, "It's not like you're completely and totally better than I am!"  
  
"Like I needed that reminder!" Tristan laughed and went to the driver's side of the Sprinter/Trueno, opening the glossy red door with his right hand. "Shall we?"  
  
"I can't wait!"  
  
---  
  
After a stunning display of car control and drift technique that was excellent, Tristan finally reached the apartment complex that Rei lived at all alone. The armed guards let him pass and into the empty parking garage, spare his beautiful RX-7, and he let the twenty valve 4A-GE with quadruple open throttle bodies hum to a stop when he parked in front of the tool wall.  
  
"There's something appealing about such a simple engine," Tristan said as he brushed his hair back with his fingers. "It's so simple, yet it does so much..."  
  
Rei merely undid her belt system, and put them carefully back on the seat, then walking around her car to Tristan. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"  
  
"Well," Tristan said, looking over at his car, then at Rei, who had an expression that would suggest that she would break into tears if he was going to reject her offer. "I do have to go tune my fuel injection system on my seven..."  
  
"Fine then, go do that..." Rei said quietly, turning her face away from Tristan so he wouldn't see the tears roll down her delicate, white cheeks.  
  
"But I can always do that another day!" Tristan smiled and wrapped his left arm around Rei's shorter body. "With you, there's only so many chances!"  
  
"You really would?" Rei's expression changed to that of one of pure joy. "I'm just so glad!"  
  
"You know, I am too," Tristan said and walked her up to the elevator.  
  
---  
  
Rei unlocked her door with the key card that she was given so long ago. The door creaked open and her perfectly kept apartment was wide open for Tristan. He walked in and Rei followed a perfect two steps behind him, as to not disturb him. He walked up to one of the calligraphy works and looked at it closely.  
  
"Absolutely beautiful," Tristan muttered, "much like Rei."  
  
"You're too kind," Rei said, Tristan being the first one to ever have been so say such kind words to her. "Would you... like something to eat?" Rei offered pathetically. She was not used to being the host at all.  
  
"Sure! What have you got?" Tristan asked, while moving to the cleared out dining area. It was plain and spartan for himself, but it had a certain design minimum style that he could appreciate. The furniture seemed to be straight out of the 1930's German Bauhaus movement. The simple black bed frame with its mono-pod base, and the surrounding Japanese art just worked perfectly. Tristan was quite a gifted graphic designer that most people didn't realize at all. He had done work for lots of companies, like Sony, Toyota, Pepsi, and lots of CD case design.  
  
"Well," Rei looked through her refrigerator. "I've got... um... fruit... water... some lettuce... a tomato... some soft drinks... sake..."  
  
"Hmm.. No meat?"  
  
"Well... I don't really like it," Rei said, closing the refrigerator.  
  
"Oh come on, you got to like it! I know, I'll go get us some sushi delivered and we'll have that, okay? Vegetarian for you, I'll assume."  
  
"... Okay," Rei said, brightening up. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was turning a gorgeous orange color. She handed him a phonebook that was never used. Tristan looked up a number quickly, ordered quite a bit of sushi for the two of them, and then hung up the phone, placing it back on the wall carefully.  
  
"It should be here within twenty minutes or so," Tristan said to Rei, who was sitting contentedly on her bed.  
  
"That's... nice," Rei said, pulling out the CD player that was in one of her pockets. She tossed it to one side of the bed and it sat there, motionless at the moment.  
  
"Well..." Tristan said as he sat down in one of Rei's chairs sitting around the small rectangular table. "I can't say that I'm more than impressed by your apartment!"  
  
"Really?" Rei lit up at this compliment. She had never thought of her apartment as much more than a living space.  
  
"Yeah, I like it a lot," Tristan continued. He looked over to Rei who was fidgeting with her hands. "Something bothering you?"  
  
"No, it's nothing..." Rei said, putting her hands flat on her knees.  
  
"Anything decent on your TV there?" Tristan pointed over to the screen.  
  
Rei merely shrugged and handed Tristan the remote. He turned it on and flipped through the channels after he sat next to Rei on the bed. He flipped through them once, and then finally found a show he could settle on, which was his favorite show in the world, Sea Lab 2021. Fortunately for Rei, she had studied enough English as to understand the conversation, but unfortunately, miss out on the clever jabs at early 2000 pop-culture and humor. Tristan, however, enjoyed Sealab 2021 to its fullest extent, and lucky for him, it was a 24 hour Sealab 2021 station, which was set up in honor of Erik Estrada, CHiPs star, star of Sealab 2021, who bravely gave up his life to save the children of the next century. Truly a great American hero in all senses.  
  
The door rang, and Rei jumped up to get the food.  
  
"I'll pay for it!" Tristan said, pulling out his wallet.  
  
"But I didn't have any food to eat and that's why we had to order out!" Rei tried to explain.  
  
Tristan stopped her from talking and handed the delivery boy a large bill. "There are more ways than just money to repay me, Rei!"  
  
"..." Rei stared blankly at Tristan, who could only sigh in frustration.  
  
"I meant I enjoy your company and it's worth more than any amount of money," Tristan said, holding the tray of sushi. "Now why don't you go get some plates out and we can eat?" he suggested, motioning to her cabinets.  
  
---  
  
"That was some very good sushi!" Tristan said, laying down beside Rei on the bed. Rei was feeling very pleasant from the two drinks she had earlier, however she did not feel drunk at all, and she lounged on her side, her elbow propping her head high enough so she could easily look at Tristan.  
  
"Yes, it was," Rei said and smiled, running her hand down Tristan's side.  
  
"Woah, there feisty!" Tristan laughed and flipped off the 24 hour Sealab 2021 station, much to his own disappointment. "You're doing things that you might not want the consequences of!"  
  
"And what if I do?" Rei said, putting her chin on the side of his shoulder, rubbing her chest against his arm. "You never did get to finish what you were going to say by the lake..."  
  
Tristan thought back to that and reacquainted himself. "Oh yes, of course..." he said, stroking a length of her blue hair. "I was meaning to say that you're so special in so many ways to me, that I just never knew how to express it!"   
  
Rei once again was overcome by her newly found emotions and could only feel to reply her own emotions to him. "I've felt a bond with you since the day you showed up in your heavily modified 1998 RX-7 with modified Hitachi twin-turbos, ADVAN tires, a fully painted carbon fiber hood, an Apex twin-chamber blow-off valve, Apex turbo-timer, Apex GT Spec stainless steel exhaust with a piping of 90 mm custom fabricated by Apex Japan just for you, and many, many, many other modifications that just made my heart melt."  
  
Tristan held her face in his hands delicately, like a precious flower that would wilt if he was to touch it incorrectly. "Rei, you named off all my modifications in a beautiful manner. You're so wonderful.."  
  
Rei closed her eyes slowly and then reopened them, to show her contentment for Tristan's presence. "I would give anything for you, Tristan. My body, my heart, and if I had a soul, I would give it to you. Tristan, please take me," she pleaded him.  
  
"Well, since you put it that way, Sure!" Tristan said and kissed Rei Ayanami passionately. She responded ardently, which was such a change from when she normally fantasized about such a situation. Tristan made sure to guide her hands over his stomach to feel how carved his stomach was. Clothing was removed, bodies moved in harmony and writhed in ecstasy, and Tristan made Rei feel truly loved for the first time in her life.  
  
---  
  
"Tristan," Rei said as she sat watching the twinkling lights of the cityscape, and the occasional car passing by from her bed, "why were you really sent here? Were you sent here for me?"  
  
Tristan sat up and wrapped his arm around Rei, watching her turn her head to look at him. "I was sent here to defend this city, but I'd like to think that I was sent here for you," he smiled and she smiled back at him.  
  
"Up for another go?" Rei elbowed Tristan in the side.  
  
"But that's number four!"  
  
"Don't be a wuss!" She teased, climbing on top of Tristan. "If I wanted someone who couldn't get me off, I'd have gone to one of the Ikari's..."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Rei could only laugh inside as she kissed her new love.  
  
END CHAPTER THREE 


	4. SURF'S UP!

CHAPTER FOUR: SURF'S UP!  
Tristan awoke from his place next to Rei, in a rather confused state. He was actually somewhat tired after his sexual escapades the previous night. He looked over at the contently sleeping blue haired girl, with a few strands of her hair on her face. He gently brushed the strands aside and stood up to go to the shower. With the warmth beside her gone, Rei felt there was something wrong and woke up from her peaceful slumber, stretching gracefully as the sheets cascaded down from her nude body. Her hair was matted all in the back from sweat and sleeping on it.  
"Well that was something else!" Rei exclaimed while getting up to kiss Tristan on the cheek. "Giving me six orgasms in one night certainly makes you the best, but then again, you are the ONLY"  
"Well, how could I not!" Tristan said, pulling her pale body up to his finely tuned body and pulling her lips to his own, running his tongue along hers. "It's a good thing it's Sunday"  
"It sure is"  
"Hey, my surfboard is supposed to come today along with my other car!" Tristan said with a happy note.  
"Wow, I certainly can't wait until I see your kick-ass new car"  
"It's a classic, and even cooler than my RX-7!" Tristan said and headed over to the shower. "You should come along and you could see it"  
"Oh, I would be most delighted, Tristan! I throw myself to your most perfect feet and ask for your permission!" She joked, standing up, showing off her tight, lithe body for Tristan.  
"Hey, where are my pants?" Tristan asked.  
"You threw them out the window in a fit of passion, saying that you'd never need them again," Rei giggled and pointed at the window, which was slightly open.  
"Ha ha." Tristan laughed flatly and looked out the window, before walking to Rei's bathroom.  
"Have you ever considered waxing those legs?" Rei said as she walked over to her refrigerator on the balls of her feet, running her hands through the strands of her hair.  
"No, I'm not into that kind of stuff, well at least yet," He said as he started the shower. "Why, do they bother you"  
"Nope, just wondering," Rei called from the kitchen area, placing an orange on the counter. She wandered over to her bathroom and joined Tristan in the shower. "Don't drop the soap"  
"Heeey"  
-  
Tristan drove his highly modified RX-7 with Rei right on his tail, which was quite an accomplishment considering how much more technically advanced the RX-7 was versus the old technology Trueno was. "She's got to have a Formula Atlantic engine in there!" he mused to himself as he took the last turn, exiting the corner at over 140 km/h. Rei exited slower as she didn't want too much to go wrong at that moment.  
"There it is!" Tristan exclaimed to no one but himself. His first car, a red 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX stood standstill in front of the house that he was staying with Misato, Shinji, and Asuka with. The Eclipse was far more heavily modified than the RX-7, having a fully built Lancer Evolution Three 4G63T with balanced Cosworth 9:1 compression pistons, JUN Machine work rods, a knife edged crank, HKS 272 degree grind intake and exhaust camshafts, Denso 1100 cc injectors that were held onto by an aluminum fuel rail, a ported and polished head for maximum flow into an ultra rare HKS-built equal-length tubing exhaust manifold that hooked up to a custom built Garret T04 with a SARD 45mm external wastegate venting directly to the atmosphere that went down to a modified Apexi GT Spec stainless steel down-pipe, then to a full 95 mm mandrel bent exhaust system built for the custom application with Apexi. A HKS inline fuel pump (ATL racing cell with surge box) and a custom built by SARD fuel pressure regulator kept the required 110 octane flowing. On the intake, a custom built temperature/pressure sensor hooked up to a Motec programmed ECU to run without the stock 1997 MAS which was a large restriction for such a large turbo. The intercooling setup was a custom Vmount setup utilizing an Apexi intecooler core allowed Tristan to run 2.0 bar of pressure on the turbo (he usually had it only run 1.5 bar for street usage), which was vented to the atmosphere by a SARD large diameter blow off valve. Taking in all this power through an AP RACING triple plate clutch was a custom built, straight-cut sequential gearbox RalliArt transmission with Hewland built gears magnesium case that sent the power to both the front wheels and the rear wheels via a carbon fiber-weave drive shaft where it met a the custom built RalliArt rear end with a Cusco 1.5 way rear LSD. Cusco LSD's were in the front diff, along with the center differential that was split 35/63 for absolute smooth power transfer that was biased to the rear. On the inside, a fully welded cage that was up to FIA touring car regulations was built, along with a fully strengthened chassis that had over 200 man-hours in construction. Yet it still had a carpet, along with very supportive Bride Zeta III seats, a full Eclipse stereo system, Stack cluster gauge, Greddy boost, Oil temperature, Water Temperature, Fuel Pressure, Oil Pressure, and exhaust temperature (hooked up to the number one exhaust runner) electronic analog gauges lined the dash. The exterior of the car featured a custom one-of-a-kind widebody that was remeniscent of the JGTC Silvia's. The stock 1997 hoop style wing was gone in favor of a fully adjustable carbon fiber Sard Fuji GT wing, which Tristan didn't like very much, but was required as the old style hoop had a habit of making the rear of the car lift at over 200 kph. The wheels were 18 x 11 inch wide Volk five spoke Challenge P Zero wheels, chosen mostly for their style, but eight sets of magnesium black Volk 18 x 12" TE-37's were already in the garage. As far as suspension, full triple adjustable threaded Penske coilovers with remote resivoir valving sat on all four corners with forged aluminum control arms, coaxial hats, solid pillow ball upper mounts along with Hypercoil springs on the coils to increase the neutrality of the car. The paint, however, was far from perfect. It was quite clear that this car had been used in many endurance races, with the cracks in the fiberglass, the darkened metal plate above the exhaust, and permenant rubber marks beside the wheel wells showed the car's age. Fourteen inch Brembo slotted rotors with eight piston Brembo calipers sat in the front, while 12 inch, four piston Brembos were in the rear. One could feel the raw power eminate from the Eclipse as it sat by the front of the house. The white number plates stood bare, begging for a number to be put on them. Truly this was one of the ultimate racing machines left in existance.  
Tristan stopped his RX-7 in the driveway, and pushed open the door, hopping out of the RX-7. He started over to his heavily modified Eclipse but then something in the garage caught his eye. It was his 7' long Ashton surfboard, along with his Wavelength wetsuit, hanging up with a few more boxes of his clothes.  
"I wasn't supposed to get this stuff for another two weeks!" Tristan cheered and went over to pick up his surfboard. But before he could do that the door of the house opened and Asuka ran out, and jumped on Tristan.  
"Where were you! I was so worried, not that Tristan Delecour could ever be defeated by a mere man or men at any time, but there are so many people who want to kill you and I stayed up all night waiting for you and you never called!" Asuka wept into his shoulder. Rei slowly walked up to behind Tristan and grabbed his hand.  
"I was at Rei's for the night, I couldn't make it back in time! Yeah!" Tristan said, thinking of what to say. "I wrote you a haiku though"  
"... You did? Wow"  
"Yup! Here it is: Your words fall/love for a warm place/night returns" Tristan said with the prose and excellence of the traditional Japanese haiku author.  
Asuka's rings around her eyes from staying up all night suddenly didn't matter as she wrapped her arms around Tristan and cried out with joy of what wonderful poetry he wrote for her. It was like he summed up everything she had always wanted from a man to do, and skillfuly compared it to the ways of nature. So nice he was to write that poem of pure beauty to her. "Oh thank you!" Asuka cried, "you are too kind"  
"Hey... What's going on out there?" Misato yelled from her upstairs bedroom, obviously hung over from the previous night. Her alchoholism had gone away after the issue with Kaworu and Shinji moving out, but returned once she learned she had to take care of the three pilots.  
"Nothing! Hi Misato!" Rei said with a disturbingly broad smile, waving at her.  
Asuka stopped sobbing long enough for her to start talking. "Tristan, there's a surf contest at Tokyo 3 beach! Do you think you could enter it"  
"Enter it?" Tristan said, looking at his surfboard, "I'm going to win it! You two can go watch me win! Here are the keys to the Eclipse, Asuka! I trust you know how to drive a stick, right? The keys should've been given to one of you guys"  
"I um.. Yes! Of course I can! I've got the keys in the house!" She responded, not wanting to fail Tristan. "I'll go grab the beach supplies and we can all get changed"  
Rei looked sad, because she did not have a bathing suit with her at that moment. Tristan noticed this, and spoke up "You can just go naked! You're so stupid, Rei"  
"I can't believe I didn't think of that myself! I should go do that! You're right Tristan, I am so very stupid"  
"But isn't that against the public law?" Asuka asked, extremely jealous that Rei was getting all the attention from Tristan, as well as the fact that she was acting very strangely. Not to mention walking like a cowboy who had rode about four hundred kilometers on a horse.  
"Right then, she can just wear one of yours then. Give her the smallest one you've got because you're a few inches taller." Tristan declared, showing off a dazzling row of teeth at the end of the sentence.  
"Right! Rei, follow me!" Asuka shouted, grabbing Rei by the hand.  
"I'm going to win!" Tristan yelled, pumping his fist in the air, and looking for the surf rack to put on his RX-7.  
-  
"Wow, this certainly is one fine beach get-together!" Kaworu from his bright red swim trunks exclaimed to Tristan, Asuka, Rei, Shinji, Misato, Ritsuko, Maya, Gendo, Fuyutsuki, and Pen Pen.  
"Yes it certainly is!" Shinji sighed and and dutifully applied the SPF800 to Rei's pale skin. Asuka had truly given her the smallest swimsuit she had, which was hanging together by mere threads.  
"I don't want to get burned," Rei said laying on her stomach, while watching the waves roll in. A few people were out already, preparing for the contest. "Make sure you get ALL over, Shinji," she continued lowering the rear of the bottom of her bathing suit. Shinji just mumbled and kept applying it.  
"Why do I have to do this?" he complained, rubbing the cream into Rei's rear.  
"Because Tristan is waxing his surfboard and we are all busy getting drunker!" Gendo said, patting his son on the shoulder. "Don't give up, you've still got Ritsuko, Maya, and Misato to go"  
"This sucks"  
"Ahh... I love the ocean breeze," Tristan said to Kaworu who was sitting next to him. His muscles flexed as he applied the wax in a circular motion on the board.  
"Mmmhmm" Kaworu agreed, wathching Tristan. It was so wonderful to watch the master at work.  
"Oh no! There are a group of people in black trunks approaching with surfboards!" Ritsuko cried out, only to have sand kicked in her face by one of them.  
"Which one of you is Tristan Delecour?" The leader of the group said who had a bone white surfboard.  
"It's you!" Tristan said as he heard the voice. "DJ TIESTO"  
"Oh no!" Fuyutsuki said, "It's the Surf Yakuza"  
"... The surf yakuza?" Asuka asked, raising an eyebrow. "How many fucking Yakuza's are out there?" she continued, drinking down a malted beverage.  
"Well," Misato interrupted, "There's the Drift Yakuza, Jeet Kune Do Yakuza, the Pimp Yakuza, the Surf Yakuza, the ultra scary and oh so powerful Fanfiction Yakuza, the Circuit racing Yakuza, the Skateboard Yakuza, the Pro Wrestling Yakuza, Cooking Yakuza, Plumbing Yakuza, Karate Yakuza, Catshow Yakuza, DJ Yakuza, Mafia Yakuza, Arcade-game Yakuza, Giant Robot Yakuza, and a bunch more"  
"Um, Misato... What's fanfiction?" Rei asked. "Well Rei, it's where lonely people who live in their parents' basement write out situations about fictional characters created by someone else," she replied, looking at Maya get progressively drunker on wine coolers, dangling at the arm of Ritsuko.  
Rei looked blankly at Misato before squeaking. "Watch where you put those fingers!" She glared at Shinji, who was bowing his head and begging for forgiveness. "Anyways, could you clarify that at all"  
"Let me try," Ritsuko interjected, wearing a white one piece bathing suit. "It'd be like someone typing something up like having Shinji and Asuka falling in love, having a child, and that child battling new and more powerful angels, but with cartoons shows or Gundam or something like that"  
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other blankly. Asuka began to laugh hysterically. "You mean to say someone spends their time writing that kind of shit about fucking cartoons? That's so pathetic! I mean, do they ever get out?" "I doubt that!" Tristan said, beginning to laugh at that concept.  
Everyone started laughing at the idea of fanfiction, including the Surf Yakuza. "Even the Cat Show Yakuza beats them up!" DJ Tiesto said, laughing to one of his compatriots. "Ahem! Enough delaying despite the hillarious and pathetic writers of one of our brother groups, we shall defeat you... in SURF COMBAT"  
"Yeah, yeah, We've heard it all before," Asuka yawned, tying her string bikini top a little tighter, lifting her breasts together even more. "That's what the last guys said and Tristan kicked their ass"  
"..." DJ Tiesto didn't know what to say. "Yeah, but we're the Surf Yakuza! He won't be so easily winning this time around! We're winners! And you can be one too! Because saving the planet is the thing to do! Looting and polluting, is not the way, so here's what Captain Planet, has to say"  
"Don't you have to go practice?" Tristan yawned while he sat back on the beach. "I'll have you know that pollution controlls are the LEAST on my mind with my cars"  
"Ooooh! We'll defeat you yet, you miserable DJ, rally car driver, pro circuit racer, sex god, jeet kune do master, and all around kick ass superhero!" one of the surf yakuza members said, shaking his fist. "And your little penguin too!" Pen Pen hissed and threw a beer can at them.  
"Fat chance!" Gendo said, eating a pudding pop. Fuyutsuki had finally come through. "Sex god, eh?" Misato thought to herself. It had been a while and Tristan did have that certain charm that Kaji had, plus a bit more.  
-  
Tristan picked up his surfboard and brought it to the ocean. The contest was finally starting and the Surf Yakuza was already out on the crystal aqua waters of Japan's east coast. "Time to rip up the water"  
"You can do it!" Kaworu cheered from the beachside.  
"We believe in you!" Asuka and Rei cheered, jumping up and down for no apparent reason other than to cause a few of the surf judges to stare at them through binoculars.  
"He certainly is brave!" Maya smiled, flat drunk, pointing at Shinji who was getting more wine coolers for her. "Go Shinji! I know someday you'll make up with your dad"  
"But he already did," Gendo whined, his pudding pop almost done. "Thanks to Tristan, that is"  
"But Dad, I.." Shinji said before being interrupted by his father.  
"Zip it"  
Tristan sat out on the water and watched the waves come rolling in. He sat up on his surfboard with the fellow members of the Surf Yakuza also wading in the ocean waters. A nice two meter tall swell approached Tristan and he rotated himself on the board, preparing to paddle. The wave broke, and Tristan paddled, catching it right on the top, swishing down the water.  
-  
"Wow! You certainly showed those Yakuza how to surf!" Rei exclaimed, running up to hug Tristan, who had just become the ultimate surf champion of the world. "Won't you please teach me"  
"No way! Me first!" Asuka yelled, shoving the paler of the two to the ground. "I had him first"  
"Mine!" Rei cried, getting up off the wet sand that covered her hands and rear. "You always get them! I want one for once! I want to be in the spotlight! I always get stuck with Shinji! They always hit on you, you stupid bitch"  
"... Girls, girls, there's more than enough Tristan Delecour, superstar DJ, to go around!" Tristan laughed and put his arms around both of their waists, wiping the sand off Rei. He started walking with the three to the group, who were already celebrating Tristan's victory over the Surf Yakuza.  
"He's right you know!" Asuka conceded defeat. It was not easy for her to do that with someone like Tristan Delecour, but who knew what was in store for them both.  
"That was a great job out there!" Misato said as the three pilots approached the group. "I couldn't have done better myself"  
"Mmmm hmm! Why don't you get out of that wetsuit, Tristan?" Kaworu said, eager to help. "It couldn't be good for your skin when you are out of the water"  
"Wow, you're right, Kaworu!" Tristan articulated and Asuka eagerly helped Tristan out of the Wavelength wetsuit.  
"Tristan, I brought along some Technics 1200 MkII's for you if you want..." Gendo said as he called forward the NERV employees who quickly brought forth a PA system that would fill the entire beach with sound.  
"Oh, would I love to! But I don't have my records!" He said, dissapointed with himself.  
"That's okay, I brought that along with your Yamaha RM1x sequencer, a Juno 106, two Roland TB303's, a TR909, a Korg Monopoly, and a Korg Prophecy! Oh yeah, and there's some other stuff like a Kawai K5000 and some Akai MPC's and samplers if you want.." Gendo smiled and pointed at the men in the back of a truck carefully placing them on the stage.  
"Gendo, how much did all that vintage equipment cost?" Fuyutsuki asked in a hushed voice.  
"Fuyutsuki, if you have to keep on asking me those questions, I am going to fire you." Gendo hissed.  
"Yes, sir!" Fuyutsuki said, shutting up as promptly as possible.  
"Sugoi sugoi!" Tristan exclaimed, running up to the equipment to start creating a MASSIVE EPIC TRANCE TRACK. Everyone on the beach loved it and as the day progressed, so did the music which went from DEEP EPIC UPLIFTING TRANCE to DREAM GLOSTICK PROGRESSIVE FLUFFY TRANCE that could not be stopped. Everyone loved the music and danced. Even Fuyutsuki liked some of it and held up his arms to Tristan's most wonderful music.  
"Ooooh! I'll show that miserable rat!" DJ Tiesto said to former supertrance DJ Paul Oakenfold.  
"You must learn patience," Oakenfold said. "As the current ruler of SEELE, we must not miss anything, otherwise we would show ourselves as the true bad guys"  
"... But he's so much better than we ever were"  
"SILENCE!" Oakenfold demanded and planned his next move from the darkness.  
-  
"That was some concert you put on!" Asuka proclaimed, lounging on Tristan's shoulder. "I was wondering if you were going to do that filtersweep on that bassline and bam! right out of nowhere, you rock the house down with that Juno 106 string! It's like the music talks to me!" she bubbled over with enthusiasm for his music, her breath coming in rapid spurts as her face and upper chest began to turn a light pink hue, before she collapsed on the beach, moaning.  
"Right then," Tristan shrugged and picked up the dazed Asuka off the ground. "Get to your feet! You still have to drive my baby home"  
"I'm so, so, so sorry, Tristan!" Asuka apologized and looked over at Rei Ayanami, who was clutching Tristan's hand. The feisty red-head had more than a few questions for her on the ride back in Tristan's car. The three approached the NERV group while pushing through layers upon layers of virgin Japanese school girls that wanted to have their chests signed by Tristan. He merely ignored them in favor of his two girls that he had with him at the moment. Asuka looked around briefely and dried off the fluid that had run down between her legs.  
"And another thing... I want to tell you who's behind all that bull shit is!" Maya yelled, still drunk from wine coolers while pointing at Kaworu. "Homoman"  
"What ever could you mean?" Kaworu asked, holding up a hand against his chest. "I'm certainly not sending an viscious army of gaybo's bent on destroying your dick!" he finished his statement off while wiping Shinji down with a towel. Shinji and Kaworu had run in the water while they were waiting for Tristan's NONSTOP DANCE TRANCE TRACKS to finish.  
"It was such a good idea of you to bring that equipment to the beach, Gendo!" Ritsuko said, casually batting Maya's attempts to grope her breasts. "I mean, really"  
"Naw, don't thank me for that super radical sharkleberry idea, that was all Tristan"  
"Let's have a cheer for Tristan, the best TECHNO DJ, DRIFTER, RALLY CAR DRIVER, JEET KUNE DO EXPERT AND EVA PILOT EVER!" Misato shouted, throwing up her hand with a beer in it and almost bouncing out of her top. Everyone cheered for Tristan and knew that he was certainly the best pilot ever who could smash everyone in a pulp with his backhand fist.  
"Wow, I must thank you all for this treatment, being a world wide super trance DJ isn't as easy as it looks, but with friends and bosses like you all, it certainly makes it a lot easier"  
"He sure is a nice boy!" Ritsuko said, dreamily.  
-  
"That was one fun-filled and exciting day!" Tristan said as he sat down for dinner with Shinji, Rei, Asuka, and Misato. Rei had changed finally into one of her Armani dresses after Tristan had expressed his attraction to them. Asuka was still wearing just a regular blue t-shirt with some khaki pants, and her jealousy was raging after she saw Tristan walk out of his room in a finely made McAllistair Rowe tuxedo.  
"Yes it was!" Rei said, pounding down a beer STRAIT, and belching afterwords. "It was especially great how you kicked and punched your way through those hoardes of Dragon Ninja that ambushed us on the way back! You even defeated Karnov"  
"What can I say? I'm BAD!" Tristan said while pumping one of his arms up rapidly.  
"That and you rescued president Ronnie!" Asuka cheered, throwing a starchy mess of rice that Misato had made at Shinji. "He was going to take you out for a burger! Ha. Ha. Ha." Shinji ducked and the rice hit the floor with an audible thumping noise.  
"Indeed!" Tristan said, finally sitting down. "What's this food"  
"Crap," Asuka declared, throwing the plate at the wall. It shattered and remaing rice stuck to the wall. "Misato, you suck at cooking"  
"I suck at a lot of things!" She said, winking while holding up a can of Ashahi. "Even maybe Delecour-chan!" Rei and Asuka both glared at Misato before she sunk back down from her comment.  
"We should go out and eat," Shinji quietly said, not to disturb the electricity between the women.  
"Now that's a good idea!" Tristan said, slapping Shinji on the back. "Got any ideas, bestest buddy in the whole wide world"  
"Well we could go to that steak joint that Misato had promised us seven damn years ago!" Shinji said, his face twisted at Misato. Nothing had quite ticked Shinji off like an empty promise by Misato. Not only did she not show her cleavage nearly as much as her photo suggested, but she made him cook, clean, and made his life hell for over a year, and couldn't even scrape up the cash to let him go to the steak joint he was promised after defeating an angel. One that could have DESTROYED ALL OF MAN KIND! Shinji shuddered at that thought.  
"Yeah, what ever happened to that?" Asuka asked, pulling her blue t-shirt down a little more over her stomach. It was a useless task as it was too short to cover her well-toned and flat abdomen, but it was just a habit she had picked up from somewhere.  
"Err... I err... Let's go!" Misato said, running to grab her keys off the still sparkling counters.  
"I'll pick up the bill!" Tristan said, and ran for his Eclipse. "Who ever doen't reach the car first has to drive the seven or their own car!" he called to Rei and Asuka who shot up at this new rule.  
"You're going down, bitch!" Rei said, running for the door.  
"He was mine first!" Asuka growled, grabbing Rei's ankle, causing her to crash in the remains of Misato's dinner. "I slept with him!" Rei cried out as she slammed chest first into the wooden table as Asuka ran by her face. Asuka wasn't going to win that easily as she was knocked down by a sudden invisible wall in front of her. "Using your AT field is cheating!" Asuka sniffled as she picked herself up, and Rei started to bolt toward the door.  
"That's true, Rei," Tristan said, watching from the side living room area.  
"But Tristan slept with me too!" Rei screamed, "He made me feel alive!" she finished and ran to the door. Unfortunately for her, she tripped over her own chunky sandles, and Asuka, wearing a pair of simple white Nike's, ran right by and reached the 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse's passenger side, gleefully pulling open the door.  
Rei sadly picked herself up and resigned to her Trueno, which was parked behind the RX-7. "It's okay," she said to herself as she straightened out her dress. "She'll never get even with me"  
-  
The three cars arrived at "Rucky Dan's" (It was actually spelled out as "RUKI NO DAN"), one of the few remaining places where one could eat most "traditional" American food items, along with Japanese beef cuisine. There was no vegitarian cousine at Rucky Dan's. Everything had some variety of meat in it. Even the water. This made it quite an expensive meal.  
"I don't like meat," Rei said humbly, slowly walking in behind Asuka.  
"Have you ever had it?" Shinji asked her, wondering why.  
"No"  
"Well how do you know you don't like it?" he asked."See Rei, meat will be perfectly fine for you!" Tristan said, patting her head with his hand. "Everyone should eat meat"  
"Like me!" Asuka smiled.  
"Yes, like you. Asuka"  
"Can we eat already?" Misato asked, "I'm starving. For dick." The five went throug the door into the surly bistro, ready for anything.  
-  
"So what will it be tonight?" The cheery waitress asked the five.  
"I'll have the 8 oz Steak please!" Misato said while handing the menu over.  
"Dammit, I can't read all this nong bong chong crap!" Tristan muttered, throwing the menu down in disgust. "Fucking kanji can blow me. Everyone should speak english or shut up!" he turned to the horrified waitress, smiling. "Anyways, I'll have the grilled chicken"  
"I'll have the same as him," Asuka said, pointing at Tristan.  
"I'll have the Texas Steak dinner plate," Shinji handed over the menu.  
"And you, Miss?" The waitress turned to Rei."Miss"  
"I'll have the 2 kg Steak, rare," Rei stated, taking a sip of the ordered red wine. It wasn't that bad, a 1978 vintage bottle that Tristan had ordered. A bit better tasting than sake at least. "Might as well start off with the big stuff." she mused while looking at Tristan's face.  
"Definately. Definately agree with that," Tristan replied, putting his arm around Rei.  
-  
As the food was brought forward, the five began to engage in the usual small talk. Rei kept drinking glass after glass of red wine while she was eating the massive steak with a quiet type of efficiency that one would not expect from such a long-time vegan. The food for Tristan was considerably dry for his tastes, so he ordered a fine bottle of Chardonnay white wine to go along with the chicken for himself and Asuka. Asuka, however was more intent on glaring at Rei for getting attention from Tristan.  
"Ahem," Asuka coughed with her eyes narrowed. "It has come to my attention that Rei has had sex with Tristan"  
Tristan dropped his fork and the four looked over at Asuka who looked like she was going to begin a tirade that would stop the world.  
"... This is true," Rei replied. "What of it"  
"I also have had sex with Tristan," Asuka calmly stated, taking a sip of white wine. "This is a problem"  
"... Indeed," Rei said, chewing a piece of steak that was half gone. "So what"  
"Well there is only one way to solve this problem"  
"Uh, how?" Tristan asked, poking the chicken.  
"I will have sex with both you and Rei!" Asuka smiled and finished off her glass of wine, pouring herself another.  
"..." Rei didn't respond.  
"That's quite an idea," Tristan said, looking over at Misato and Shinji who had their mouths agape at Asuka's suggestion in their company. "Hey you guys, here's 300,000 yen. Go out and party for the night"  
-  
Tristan walked over to his SONY brand CD changer and held up a compact disc case. "You like Phil Collins?" he asked to Asuka and Rei, who both looked up at him, not saying a word.  
"I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work," Tristan continued, walking across the main room to the windows which had a gorgeous night view of the forest. "It was too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke when Phil Collins' presence became more apparent." Tristan finished, leaning against the door frame to his bedroom. Asuka and Rei turned their heads around to follow him in his finely made tuxedo.  
"I think Invisible Touch is the group's undisputed masterpiece," He recalled, backing into the bedroom, beckoning the two into the room. The redhead briefly looked over at the paler of the two and they both got up off the couch. "It's an epic meditation on intangibility." Tristan sat on the bed as the pair walked into the room, Asuka's blue t-shirt riding up on her chest.  
"At the same time it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceeding three albums," he remarked calmly, patting both sides of the bed for the pair to sit on either side of him, Asuka to his right, Rei to his left.  
"Asuka, take off your clothes." He said off-handedly, continuing his critique as Asuka stood up and began to remove her shirt and picked up a white negligie. "Listen to that brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins, and Rutherford." Tristan mused as he stood up once more off the bed and pulled over a tripod mounted with a MiniDV Canon XL1.  
"You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument," Tristan said as he put the camera down about two meters from the bed. "Rei, remove your dress"  
Rei stood up and began to unzip the back of the black Armani dress as Tristan continued to talk about Phil Collins. "In terms of lyrical craftsmenship and sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of proffesionalism." Rei pulled the dress down to her black strapless bra and black thong, turned from Tristan. "Rei, why don't you, uh, dance a little." Tristan said as he continued to set up the complex camera. Asuka walked back over in the white negligie into the front of the bed.  
"Take the lyrics to 'Land of Confusion'," Asuka sat down on the bed, looking at Tristan talk about the music, not quite interested but quite in the mood. "In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of an abusive political authority," he said, picking up a white sash while Rei slowly moved to the music behind Tristan and Asuka.  
"'In Too Deep' is the most moving pop song of the 1980's about monogomy and commitment," Tristan said as he wrapped the sash around Asuka's neck gently. He pulled Asuka's chin to look up at his face. "The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock"  
Tristan spun the camera around, aiming it at the bed, looking through the viewfinder. "Asuka, get down on your knees so Rei can see your asshole." Asuka complied as she turned around and got on her hands and knees, her rear facing Rei, who was still slightly dancing to the song. "Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial. and therefore more satisfying in a narrower way, especially songs like 'In the Air Tonight' and 'Against All Odds'." Tristan folded his hands, satisfied with the setup of the camera, walking over towards Rei. "Rei, don't just stare at it. Eat it." he commanded, pointing at Asuka who was still bent over. Rei stopped her dancing and headed over to Asuka.  
"I also think that Phil Collins works best within the confines of a group than as a solo artist. And I stress the word 'artist'." Tristan said as he headed back over to the CD player to change the track, Rei timidly approaching Asuka on the king-size bed. "This is 'Sussuido.' A great, great song. A personal favorite." Tristan said as he began to remove the jacket and tie of the tuxedo.  
-  
Asuka Langley laid on the bed nude beside Tristan Delecour and Rei Ayanami, her heart rate pounding, various orifaces oozing mixtures of her own and others' bodily fluids, her chest and arms covered with a sheen of sweat, but she was happy with her decision. She pulled Rei over who was more than happy to fufill her open mouthed kiss with their tongues intertwined. She broke off the kiss and then dropped her head onto Tristan's finely toned chest.  
"Now that was worth it," Asuka mumbled as Tristan ran his fingers through her soft red-brown hair.  
"Certainly was for me!" Rei said and smilled, her pale white face glowing with a pink tinge to it. "I mean I never thought I would be able to be with you, Asuka"  
"Well, you know," Asuka giggled and ran her finger up and down Tristan's carved abdominal muscles.  
"Well heeeey, what about me?" Tristan said, holding his head up while looking at both of the nude girls. "I mean I'm something, aren't I"  
"Of course you are!" Rei said, crawling on top of Tristan's stomach while straddling his waist, her breasts delicately swaying. "I mean if it wasn't for you, I'd have had to take out a personal ad! And considering how loud you are Asuka, it's a good thing he got rid of Misato and Shinji"  
Asuka blushed and threw a pillow at Rei's head, her shortened red hair boucing off the front of her face. "It's not like you just laid there"  
Rei caught the pillow and dropped her head down beside Tristan's. "Quiet you!" she said with a smile and ran her tongue around Tristan's earlobe.  
"Too much!" Tristan said and stretched his arms. "You girls tired me out pretty well, maybe we'll watch the tape later, eh?" he pointed at the Canon video camera that was sitting on the floor under a few white pillows.  
"Yeah," Rei yawned and reached for the light switch. "It's 3:00 AM... We've been at it since"  
"Ten, Ten o'clock. Around there. And I'm feeling a little sore," Asuka filled in the time for her laying back while wrapping her thin legs around Tristan's athletic right leg. "Goodnight Rei, goodnight Tristan"  
"Night girls!" Tristan said, ready for sleep.  
"Night you two," Rei murmered quietly, kissing them both on the foreheads. Tristan puiled her down to his mouth and let her go. "Hey! You do not want to get me going again!" she laughed, laying down beside Tristan's opposite side, her wiry body pressed against Tristan's, almost on top of him.  
"No we don't!" Tristan laughed and settled down for a long sleep.  
END CHAPTER FOUR 


	5. I NEED TWO BIG BOTTLES! BY TONIGHT!

CHAPTER FIVE: I NEED TWO BIG BOTTLES... BY TONIGHT!  
  
"And so, Second Impact had a huge impact on Japan's fishing industry, thus causing an economic failure that was destined to..." The teacher prattled on and on while Tristan slept peacefully in his Graphic Design 2 class. Asuka, Shinji, and Rei were all also asleep as the teacher was prattling on and on about Second Impact when they could actually be learning about something useful.  
  
Just as Asuka was lightly dozing off to sleep, her computer pleasantly beeped at her. She looked up at the screen with tired eyes and noticed it was from Tristan. "What do you want?" She rattled out in English to Tristan. Her typing was mediocre at best during her lack of sleep, but it worked.  
  
The computer softly beeped again, its blue window showing the reply from Tristan telling her about an enduro race at the Fuji speedway that featured not only cars, but motorcycles with sidecars as well. This didn't make much sense to Asuka, so she typed back to him as to why motorcycles were allowed at the race.  
  
"Apparently only one is allowed!" Tristan replied to her questions.  
  
"Better watch out for the Circuit driving Yakuza!" she replied as her news memo popped up with new information about how a seven foot tall man with a blood red shirt and a black overcoat, mumbling about having ÒNo witnessesÓ, was seen going to the Fuji Speedway. She closed it as some crazy coincidence of a guy she knew in one of her nightmares with her marrying some guy who played terrible rock music, never mind the one who was pathetically ugly and claimed to have had a parent in the US FBI, and one that was some sort of big breasted adventurer. "You should go and win!!"  
  
"But of course I will! My Eclipse was BORN for the track!"  
  
Tristan threw a piece of crumpled paper at Rei's sleeping head and she bolted upright, confused as to what was going on. The teacher was still yodling about Second Impact and she looked around to see who threw the piece of paper. When she couldnÕt find them, she went back to sleep, her eyes happily closing once more.  
  
"We better wrap up for today!" The teacher said, looking at his watch. "Remember to do your homework and make sure you get those designs done by the end of next week!" Everyone in the entire class had their work done, but the teacher didn't know that, so it was just a matter of getting an A in the class that all that mattered.  
  
Tristan walked over to Asuka after the class was through and started chatting with her about the endurance race that was that afternoon. Luckily, thanks to his NERV status and his skills, he was able to get himself registered for the event. Truly Tristan was a supreme hacker too.  
  
"I'm so going to win this endurance race, Asuka!" He said, knowing that his 1997 Mitsubishi Eclipse was a true roadracing rocket.  
  
"Wow Tristan, I saw that there was this guy heading over to the Fuji Speedway though!"  
  
"Hmmm...." Tristan said, rubbing at his smoothly shaven chin. "Do you think we should wake the sleepy time children?" he said, pointing at the drooling Rei and Shinji who had his neck cranked back.  
  
"We probably should as they're driving each other home, and wouldn't want to miss the exciting race that you're going to give!" Asuka said, biting Tristan's ear gently, running her tongue along his upper earlobe. "Although I'd much rather have you for myself..."  
  
"Yeah, we should!" Tristan said, pushing Asuka away from himself. "I'll go get them both!"  
  
Asuka frowned and woke up Rei as Tristan shoved Shinji out of his chair. "Get up stupid! We're going to Fuji Speedway!"  
  
---  
  
"Gee Tristan, you're about to run a 4 hour enduro with no preptime and no crew?" Rei asked from the passenger's seat in the Eclipse.  
  
"Uh, an hour is enough, Rei. All I have to do is fill up with 110 octane, change over to my magnesium Volks, remove your seat, get my driver's suit on, helmet, and I'm ready to run for qualifying!" Tristan said, looking over at Rei, who was fidgeting in her 5 point harness.  
  
"Pit crew?"  
  
"Already have one set up!" Tristan said, smiling. "Thank NERV for that! You can be the bathing suit girl who holds up umbrellas in chaps and Nerv bikini's!"  
  
"Ah. I feel so honored!" Rei said, hoping that she would not screw up that quite important job of holding a sun umbrella over Tristan's car.  
  
But what Tristan didn't know was that there was a seven foot tall man with a blood red shirt and black trousers who wanted to make sure there were NO WITNESSES.  
  
---  
  
"Welcome to Fuji Raceway!" The announcer crowed over the speaker system. A NERV semi trailer was pulled in to the paddock area of the racetrack, setup with a canopy for Tristan's car. The same 40 or so employees who worked on Rei's car were there to help prepare Tristan's car for the enduro. A large white vinyl NERV logo was applied to the sides along with most of the other sponsers who contributed parts to Tristan's car.  
  
While everyone was getting changed for the event, Tristan sat patiently in his silver and red driving suit, looking at the paddock where many former Japan Gran Touring Cup cars could be seen. He recognized the old Tom's Castrol Supra, the R34 GTR Skylines (Calsonic), a few heavily modified 20B RX-7's, four NSX's, a sponsered Dodge Viper, which Tristan was quite impressed with due to its rarity in Japan, a few Silvia's, and a McLaren F1. Tristan knew that his car was by far superior to all of those efforts, no matter what. His superior enduro driving skills would prove once more the worthiness of a 6' .25" driver, rather than a foot shorter jockey-like pilot.  
  
Asuka's voice, however, cut him from looking further at the field as her shrill screaming echoed through the back of the trailer. "High heels and a bikini? But that makes no sense! How do you swim with shoes on?"  
  
"But it's the tradition here!" Misato tried to explain. "Japan Grand Touring cars always get the car girls!"  
  
"I should be DRIVING!" She argued back, throwing the shoes out the back.  
  
"Let her drive," Tristan said, holding up his hand. "I don't have a co-driver anyways, and who else to trust than Asuka?"  
  
"... But she doesn't even have a lisence?"  
  
"Gendo will take care of that!" Tristan smiled and tossed Asuka the spare helmet. "Just tuck in that hair!"  
  
Asuka's jaw dropped and proceeded to collapse in happiness that Tristan would let her drive in the enduro. She ripped one of the driving suits away from the wall and grabbed some nomex undergarments, changing right in front of everyone. "Cut my hair off, Rei." She said as she held a set of red Sparco driving gloves between her teeth. "The hair won't stay under the helmet, so just cut it off around the neck all around."  
  
"What ever you say, Asuka," Rei said holding up a pair of scissors.  
  
---  
  
A half hour passed since the arrival of Tristan at the track, and there was still an hour before qualifying even started. Tristan's car had been primed and ready for the enduro, with his EVO 3 engine recieving a full teardown and rebuild with a new Jun 2.2L stroking kit to help spool the car's turbo more. The team had been working on making the engine as modular as possible, and they completely gutted the interior of all speakers, stereo, and carpet.  
  
"I'm hot!" Asuka said as she sat under the shade of the canopy that was set up against the trailer. She played around with her newly shortened hair and pulled it back into a short ponytail.  
  
Before she could complain anymore, the tiny burbling of a Nash Metropolitan sung through the air, along with with the Men Without Hats' song, "The Safety Dance".  
  
"Yay! Kaworu's here!" Shinji said, jumping up from his seat. "I'm so glad he is!"  
  
Kaworu shut off the engine and hopped out, fully dressed in a light white button downshirt from Prada, and a pair of black leather pants that hugged his legs to the most. "Hello everyone! I simply could not miss this event! I mean auto-racing is just so MASCULINE and I knew that Tristan would be so rough and tum-" Kaworu abruptly stopped talking when he saw Asuka in a driving suit. "Er, yes...."  
  
"Kaworu, you can be an umbrella holder for NERV too! You and Rei do make a matching set!" A gatorade swilling Gendo said from the truck. "Fuytsuki, where is my vodka?"  
  
"Here, sir!" Fuytsuki said, running back to Gendo with a bottle of Absolut. "Sir, isn't Kaworu, a bit well..."  
  
"Do you want to be fired?"  
  
"No sir!"  
  
"Good! Then make Kaworu an umbrella team holder too. Do you think that Misato's attractive enough to pull that off? I don't think so!"  
  
---  
  
As the time clicked to two o'clock, qualifying finally began. In the pits, Tristan's crew had already set up with over 20 sets of premounted magnesium Volks with Yokohama Advan racing tires prepped for hot change. Full range of air tools, jacks, fluids, and body parts were availible. Even a spare transmission was readied. But the one rule was that engines could not be changed during the enduro, so Tristan's car remained with its one Lancer EVO III engine.  
  
"What do you think of the competition Asuka?" Tristan said as he sipped some water from a bottle. Rei stood there patiently holding the large umbrella.  
  
"I think I'm fucked." she replied, smiling nervously for a cameraman.  
  
"Oh pish posh. I'll get you so ahead that it won't even matter!" Tristan said with an aura of smooth confidence that he was known for. "These guys are third rate drivers at the most, and most of them are simply rich buisnessmen sons who can barely drive. You sat with the simulator, right?"  
  
"Uh...." Asuka stuttered before qualifying was announced. "Looks like you're going out!"  
  
"Right!" Tristan pulled on the helmet and hopped in the car, driving it slowly to the false grid, where Rei hobbled over in heels to follow him.  
  
---  
  
After an exciting qualifying session, Tristan managed to qualify on the Fuji Circuit third out of forty cars. Given how old his car was, and how the suspension was designed, it was a large suprise. Asuka was deemed to start the race, and a short while later (along with some fresh new tires provided free by Yokohama), Asuka was sitting out on the grid in third place, behind an NSX and a McLaren.  
  
"Fuck." Asuka said to herself as she flipped the helmet visor down. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. I am so fucked."  
  
"Quit whining, Asuka, or you'll screw everything up," Gendo's voice crackled over the communications system. "You're such a worry wort. Didn't you play Gran Turismo 18?"  
  
"Well, ummm, sort of..."   
  
"Of course you did. Now go drive it," Gendo said, drinking a cool can of Bebop Cola. "This is the stuff of champions!"  
  
"Okay Asuka, you've managed to pilot a giant mechanized biomechanical war machine, done extreme Dance Dance Revolution, get mind-raped, live through quite possibly could be the most extreme circumstances that would surely have killed a lesser person, yet I can't even drive a car?" She pondered to herself, nervously looking around the track. "I think I'll sing a song."  
  
---  
  
In the pits, the team of 10 crew members, along with Shinji, Kaworu, Rei, Gendo, Fuytsuki, and Tristan sat. "Turn the comlink on so we can check in on Asuka," Kaworu said.  
  
"Mein brautwurst hat einen vornamen: es ist G-R-E-N-D-E-L..." Asuka sang in a horribly off key German version of the Oscar Mayer Weiner song.  
  
"..." The pit area was silent except for Asuka's singing. "Well, no one said said she was a good singer, but how about that ass?" Tristan said, flipping on the intercom. "Asuka, even though you suck compared to me, I still believe in you! Now go get 'em tiger!"  
  
A seven foot tall man in a black trench coat and a blood red shirt went through the pit area, looking for the proper team to take.  
  
---  
  
The hours passed on, and between Tristan and Asuka switched off between the hours, Asuka doing quite an admirable job at driving Tristan's car for someone who had never raced before. The final hours were closing in on the race, and that's when the seven foot tall man with a blood red shirt, black trench coat, and black trousers decided to make his move. He rode a motorcycle around the Fuji Speedway avoiding the angry flaggers on the track. Tristan was on the final lap, battling it out with the former Arta NSX.  
  
"NO WITNESSES!" The man in the black trench-coat screamed as he fired his 45 mm silencer at Tristan's car. The right rear tire blew out, and the black magnesium Volk rim dragged across the ground, squealing into the path of the NSX. The NSX collided with the Eclipse GSX and Tristan's car plowed into the wall, fiberglass and carbon fiber shrapnel going everywhere as the car hit. The NSX dragged into the lower side of the track its front end ruined.  
  
"HELLO MY NAME IS JEFF GYRWYN AND I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!" Jeff said as he fired another round at the Eclipse. The amber and red Japanese spec tail light shattered as the 45 mm slug hit it.  
  
The announcers had no idea what was going on and the race was flagged. Tristan was pulling at his belts, trying to get out of his ill-fated Eclipse. The quick release seatbelt did its job and he was freed from the car, punching out the quick release   
  
"PREPARE TO DIE!" Jeff said as he threw a punch at the still Nomex-masked Tristan Delecour. Tristan quickly dodged the punch from the seven foot tall man in the blood red shirt, black trench coat and black trousers. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU JUST LIKE I DID ERIC!"  
  
"... Who's Eric?" Tristan asked before dodging another one of Jeff's 45 MM bullets which apparently moved at the speed of 10 kph.  
  
"Are you Tom Dyron?" He queried, throwing a kick at Tristan's head who countered it with a throw to an upper cut to his chin.  
  
"No... I'm Tristan Delecour!"  
  
"Oh... Uh..." Jeff stopped in the middle of his fight and scratched his head. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Does Dyron have a fashion sense?"  
  
"... Well fuck me, I'm sorry about this whole thing," Jeff said, running to the edge of the track wall to hop off. "I really am. Uh, sorry about your car, but I have to... go now!"   
  
"HEY!" Tristan yelled, but was too tired after driving two hours to chase after him. He turned back to his car and dropped to his knees. "BABY COME BACK!" he screamed, laying his head on his car as he began to cry. Green coolant dripped from the Koyo radiator as well as dark black oil. The Japanese paramedics came rushing over as he sobbed openly on the door. He signed a release form that had him say that he was fine, which he was thanks to his brilliant driving skills and restraint system. The tow truck came over and lifted his car while he got a ride back to the pit area.   
  
---  
  
"Are you okay?" Everyone kept asking Tristan, but he was quite fine. Just very angry that he lost his best car, the race, and most of all, lost his chance to prove how good he was.  
  
"It's okay!" Gendo said, polishing off a bottle of scotch. "We can rebuild it! Make it better! We have the technology!"  
  
"Oh fuck off, Gendo!" Rei spat as she handed Tristan a towel. "You're such a cockface to everyone who has ever done anything to you!"  
  
"Wow, someone's going to be riding the CRIMSON TIDE soon! Ha. Ha. Ha." Gendo stood up and went to pat Tristan on the shoulder. "It's too bad my son is such a pussy. You know? I mean it's not like I asked much from him or anything. I was willing to put up with him for so long, I gave him all the opportunities to get laid and he didn't even do anything except fall on a girl and apologize. What a loser. I mean, she totally wanted him, and what did he do? He pussied out like he did with third impact. Good work, you fucking tool. Don't you realize that I'm manipulating every aspect of your pathetic existance?"  
  
"Uh, Dad, I'm right here..." Shinji looked up from sitting on Kaworu's lap. Gendo merely ignored him.  
  
"And another thing, when are we going to get another one of those beings of mass destruction? I mean, I'm ready to party! The JSDF can invade all they want, but WE'VE GOT THE BOMBS! Big fucking bombs! Ones with n and a two on them!"  
  
Tristan sighed, and sat down on one of the folding chairs. "I guess there's nothing left to do than clean up this crap."  
  
---  
  
Two weeks later...  
  
---  
  
"Hey Asuka, when do you think that teacher will EVER give us a real assignment?" He asked as Rei, Kaworu, Shinji, and Asuka followed behind after their required math class.  
  
"I don't know, but I don't mind because you and Rei keep me up all night. Ha ha ha." Asuka laughed.  
  
Suddenly, all of their phones went off at the same time. "The Mayor must be calling! Townsville is in trouble!" Rei said, running over to her car. "Call the Professor and tell him that we'll be late!"  
  
"Townsville?" Kaworu shrugged, skipping over to his car. "Where's Townsville?"  
  
"Professor Fuytsuki?" Shinji shook his head. What would Rei want to do with him?  
  
---  
  
"Oh no! It's the biggest angel we've ever seen! Even bigger than Planet DELTA!" Ritsuko said while gulping down another cup of coffee.  
  
"Bigger than Godzilla?" Maya asked. One of the technicians asked the other what Planet DELTA was.  
  
"Twice the size! The tiny toy tanks were totally useless against it! Pagodas have had their tiles ripped straight from the roofs from its super-powered breath!" Maya gasped.  
  
"The JSDF has been going through some rough times," Misato said, smoothing back a few stray hairs. "I remember when they had guns on the mountain side... Or was that us?"  
  
"Well, whatever, we need Thunder Megazord Power now! Power up your crystals, because it's Morphin' Time!" Gendo shouted, grabbing at his belt buckle. Not suprisingly, nothing happened. Gendo sat down again and asked Fuyutsuki to get him a belt that did something unlike his current one. "Right then! Let's launch those giant robots while I watch Chopper Dave."  
  
"Launch EVAs!"  
  
---  
  
"Allo?" Asuka asked, her communications line not responding. "Anyone there?" She flipped on a few communications screens and there was nothing but static. "What is going on?" Her EVA was working fine in every respect other than the communications. "ALLOOOOO?"  
  
She lurched her EVA over to the west, and four kilometers away stood the massive angel that would make even Mothra's spooge rays turn away. The angel stood at least seven hundred meters tall, and over one hundred wide. It had the body of a platypus, the arms of a praying mantis, the legs of a rhinoserous, the head that was deeply submerged in its chest that looked like a giant ox, and it was covered with a purple gel-like surface. The S2 core could be seen pulsating between the giant rhino legs. At least a hundred pink tentacles sprouted from the back, oozing a white liquid and waving freely in the air.   
  
"MEIN GOTT!" Asuka exclaimed while slapping both te sides of her face. "It's a tentacle monster! And it's looking for love all in the wrong places!"  
  
The red Unit 02 sprung to the left as a tentacle shot out to its leg. "It grows!" She thought, and ran over to one of the weapons buildings and picked up a pair of progressive assault rifles. She began firing them as she quickly saw Units 00, 01, and 04 firing away at the tentacles.  
  
"Hmmm... Must concentrate on the angel, not the tentacles!" She ran across the pure white cityscape, approaching the giant beast. It was so much bigger than her EVA and she knew that her guns were useless. Close combat was the only way. Taking out her progressive knife, she stabbed it deep into the leg of the angel which had yet to have a name. This time it sunk deeply in, but the slime grabbed at her EVA'S hands. Asuka desperately attempted to pull out, but it was too late, her hands were stuck solid.  
  
"Oh fuck..." she puled as the tentacles wrapped around her EVA's ankles and elbows, ripping her out of the gel-like surface. Asuka's eva was lifted high in the air and ten more tentacles shot out from behind its back, poised in front of her EVA's head, glistening in the early afternoon sun.  
  
Asuka contempted her fate, and thought a silent prayer as the tentacles poised back, ready to rip her EVA apart in the middle of the air. But instead of ripping her EVA to shreds, they shot the liquid they were dripping all over the EVA's upper body and head.  
  
"Gross!" she cried as her viewscreen went milky white.  
  
---  
  
"MONEY SHOT!" Gendo yelled as Asuka's EVA was tossed in the air, dripping thick, ropey liquid from its face. The evangelion landed face down, burying itself into the ground deeply.  
  
"... Do you want to get sued?" Professor Fuyutsuki asked Gendo who was writing a label for the tapes, "EVA BUKAKE PART FOUR: SLIMEY MECHA MECHA HIGHSCHOOL ADVENTURE NEON VIBRATION!"  
  
"Not especailly!"  
  
"Anyways, why hasn't Unit 00 moved in yet? Give her an N2 mine and tell her to go nuts," Gendo ordered.  
  
---  
  
Rei watched as Unit 02 flew overhead, and held the tentacles at bay with a new progressive weapon, the progessive chainsaw. Every time she sawed one of the tenacles off, the remaining stalk erupted all over various parts of her EVA. The material did not seem to be harmful, so she continued on while combatting the angel.  
  
One weapons building popped up and a squat green N2 mine cannister stood ready to be inserted in the Angel.  
  
"They must expect me to want to do some suicide mission, but I'm not going to! No sir! I've got reasons to live!" Rei reassured herself, moving in closely to Unit 04 which was shooting at the approaching tentacles.  
  
---  
  
"Why isn't Rei taking the N2 mine, Fuyutsuki?" Gendo asked, focusing four cameras on the blue Evangelion.  
  
"Probably because she has something to live for, maybe?" Fuyutsuki offered for a suggestion. "Just a thought, though."  
  
"Naw, I was pretty sure I beat that out of her a few years ago... Unless it's TRISTAN DELECOUR'S INFLUENCE! Which is quite alright because he's just so perfect and muscular and OH SO DREAMY! Do you think he'll go to the prom with me, Fuyutsuki? I do sure hope he asks me to it!"  
  
"That's impossible because we all know that Rei is impervious to making decent, long lasting relationships!" Fuyutsuki tried to make up various excuses as to why Rei was not sacrificing her cloned life for the greater good of the world.  
  
"Only time will tell what is going to- HOLY SHIT, DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT PROJECTILE!?" Gendo yelled, wrenching the camera over to a fallen Unit 01. "Looks like Shinji got the big load! Ha ha ha!"  
  
"Sirs! I am not finding you making light of Shinji's situation amusing!" Kaworu radio up to the control tower where Fuyutsuki and Gendo sat. "No matter how many loads Shinji takes down, it's important for him to know that you truly care about him, and that your love is unconditional as a parent!"  
  
---  
  
Tristan saw Unit 01 go down and dried a tear. Only himself and Rei were left. Units 01 and 02 were down. He lifted the large, clear, full body shield in the silver EVA's right hand and stared at the wavering tentacles that were attacking. Rei fought the incoming ones with the progressive chainsaw while Tristan moved the shield slowly in, to protect himself and Rei from the dangerous tentacles and what not.  
  
He tried throwing some progressive handgrenades to not much effect, and the progressive tennis balls being thrown at the monster didn't do anything at all. He figured that the progressive machine gun bullets were just pissing him off.  
  
"Damn! Shit! Hell! What would Dad do in this kind of situation!" Tristan thought as he was getting very close to the giant American-class smell creature. The tentacles were getting intense and he saw Rei's Evangelion get lifted high in the air by a few tentacles, the progressive chainsaw being dropped to the ground. "Oh no! Rei's in trouble, and that means I'm next! Time to show my true form through my ultimate attack!! UNIT 04 CRESCENT MOON BEAM FREEZE AT FIELD!!!"  
  
The silver, black, and red Evangelion tossed the slimy shield to one side and posed, grasping the right hand in the air, gathering its AT Field into a central point it its palm. A small ball of light turned from white to a pitch black with big spikes of energy coming from it. Tristan lowered his hands as the ball grew to the size of Unit 04's arm, and braced the right hand with the left, manipulating the AT Field into a concentrated blast that blasted through the Angel, causing it to drop Rei in the middle of its degridation of her EVA.  
  
"Yaay! I rokk harder than Dokken!" Tristan cheered as he concentrated the beam of manipulated pure energy against the ugly beast. Tentacles dropped to its side, but the creature seemed to be dissapearing into thin air. "Wait! I'm not done with you yet!"  
  
The beast dissappeared, dropping Rei's EVA onto the ground below. Radio contact between the EVA's and base was restored after the dissapearence, and Tristan checked on the status on HQ.  
  
---  
  
"DAMN SHIT HELL!" Ritsuko said while slamming the ceramic coffee mug on the counter, "If only DA DRAGON was around he would be able to defeat this phantom menace!"  
  
"Uh, Ritsuko, Don "The Dragon" Wilson has been dead for over twenty years," Maya replied, looking up at her SEMPAI-SAMA with wide eyes.  
  
"... Whoops. Don't want to be, uh, just right," Ritsuko avoided confrontation by walking over to Kaworu and Misato who were idly chatting about the battle that had just occured. "Hey look, it's dumb and dumber!"  
  
"I'd appreciate it if you kept your personal jokes out of this, Ritsuko," Kaworu said. "We have a very critical situation! It's of an emergency scale!"  
  
"Yeah, right," Misato said, straightening out her red commander cap. "Let's get the crews in on those EVA's!"  
  
---  
  
"Wow, so you can manipulate your AT field Tristan?" Shinji looked over while drying off his hair in the dressing room. Kaworu was there as well, leaning against a locker, looking on at them both.  
  
"Well who CAN'T? I mean it's not that hard. All you have to do is go 'KAMEHAMEHA!' and zoom! There's your manipulated AT Blast. You couldn't have possibly much problems as I did, considering you fought how many angels?"  
  
"Ummmm.. Twelve?"  
  
"Wow, you really suck if you didn't figure that out. I'm suprise that third impact didn't happen and we're all not in some big naked fourteen year old girl right now!" Tristan scoffed, tossing on an orange t-shirt over his bare body. "A bunch of white, Mr. Socko EVA's come along and we're all like 'Hey, they're Mr. Socko, and they're attacking and NERV is getting shot up and people are dying!' Then Unit 01 makes third impact and the rest of the time goes to shit!"  
  
"Well that was the whole original plan," Kaworu said, smiling. "But we couldn't have that! Who needs eternal happiness and the next step of humanity united with no more wars? We have it great here! Thanks to you, that is!"  
  
"Not us, or we'd be out of buisness! Ha ha ha!" Shinji laughed, joined in by Tristan and Kaworu.  
  
---  
  
"I have an idea that will save us all. Apparently it doesn't like manipulated AT FIelds," Gendo said to his fellows in command. "What we need to do is build a really big metal chair. Like an EVA sized folding chair."  
  
"... Metal chair?" Ritsuko asked, raising one of her black eyebrows. "What do we need a big metal chair for?"  
  
"Well, see the plan is to have the other three EVA's lift up the chair, Unit 04 will use its new AT Field manipulation power, and charge the chair. Then the three EVA's toss up the chair, and then Unit 04 kicks the charged chair with a flying kick and it goes flying into the ANGEL's head, boom, we win!" Gendo said, explaining his plan with NERV approved EVA action figures.  
  
"Sugoi! The legendary Vandaminator!" Misato said, gasping. "Do you think they can pull it off?"  
  
"Let's hope so," Gendo said, pushing his yellow tinted glasses up the bridge of his nose. "The fate of humanity relies on one SUPERSTAR DJ and JEET KUN DO expert! As well as being the best at a bunch of other things, like driving, surfing, drifting, blah blah blah."  
  
"I'll start the preperations at once!" Ritsuko said, running off with her lab coat. "Preperations are always the best!"  
  
"How is the status of Unit 01, 02, and 00?" Fuyutsuki asked. "I hope the fixes will be done!"  
  
"They should be ready within a week, sir!" Misato answered, looking at the models of the EVA's with interest. The unit 00 model seemed to be moving on its own. "Uh, sir? Unit 00 is moving?"  
  
"I know. It's the latest project that we've had NERV scientests working on! Who wouldn't want a pet EVA?" Gendo said, stroking the 30 cm model's head. It made a high pitched little noise of contentment and rubbed its shoulder fins against Gendo's finger. "Go ahead, it can't bite!"  
  
Misato lowered her head down to the EVA's level and stared at the glowing green eye that the blue EVA had. "Hey there cutie," She said, offering her finger. The EVA backed up a few steps and squeeked. "I'm not going to hurt you!" she reassured the fabricated creature as she petted its head. The EVA shook and reached for its shoulder fin.  
  
"Aww, she's reaching for her progressive knife," Gendo said, picking the biomechanical toy up in his hands making smooching faces at it. "Not just yet, my little darling! Don't want you hurting anyone!"  
  
"Cute," Misato mumbled while exiting the meeting room.  
  
---  
  
"So Rei, what do you think the definition of that angel is?" Asuka said, rubbing her body down with a towel. Two angels so far in her new career and she kept getting her ass kicked. It was a good thing Tristan Delecour was around or else she would have no reason to live anymore, or if it was seven years ago, she would've probably gone crazy and shot herself. Or ended up naked and emanciated in a bathtub. Again.  
  
"Well, after watching a vast amount of late 20th century Japanese animated erotica, I have reason to believe that this is an Overfiend-esque style tentacle monster that is not happy with us." She answered, handing Asuka her bra. "We're quite lucky that EVA's don't have mouths or sexual organs, as it would probably rape our EVA's and overfill them with that white stuff that you got covered with.  
  
'But how do we defeat it? I got stuck badly!" Asuka wrenched her hands together. "And you got your ass kicked too! So did Shinji!"  
  
"Vandaminator," Rei responded plainly, as she ran her hand down Asuka's back down to her firm rear. "I have reason to believe that this is the only way we can defeat it."  
  
"Hey, not here, I'd rather not have this scene be a women in prison style movie, so later, okay?" Asuka batted Rei's hand away and continued dressing. "I feel bad for Tristan though, he's always at the garage working on that ruined Eclipse,"  
  
"Yeah. He doesn't have any time for US!" Rei whined, pulling over a simple white cotton dress. "But then again, everyone needs a hobby!"  
  
"Let's roll!" Asuka grinned after pulling on a pair of silver pants.  
  
---  
  
Tristan stared at the remains of the 1997 Eclipse GSX. Structurally, it was intact. The unibody in the front was shot, and would require a full tube frame conversion, along with the intercooler, the radiator, most of the intake piping on the intercooler. It was a very lucky hit that the car was not a total loss. The ruined parts were all on the garage floor, as Tristan had been working on them earlier, pulling them apart. He sat on the red rolling stool, just staring at the car on the lift.  
  
"Working much?" Misato asked Tristan from the doorway of office in the garage. She was wearing her red leather jacket and a very short dress showing off her still thin and long legs.  
  
"Meh, I don't know what I'm going to do about this car," Tristan said, pointing to the ruined mess of parts that he pulled off. He took off the mechanics gloves and sat them on the work table, where a fresh, new tail light was found for his car sat.  
  
"Mind if I take a closer look?" Misato asked, closing the main doorway to the outside air off.  
  
"Sure, watch your hands, some of the fiber there is still pretty jagged,"   
  
"Thanks for the tip," Misato made a small smile and looked closely at the interior of the car. It was completely bare of anything, looking like Tristan was going to rip apart the car some more for work to the chassis.  
  
"So what brings you here? I usually stick it out alone"  
  
"Eh, I figured I'd check up on you, as I am still responsable for your well being."  
  
"Annd how do you plan on checking up on that?" Tristan asked as he removed the coveralls, his muscles rippling under the old shirt. Misato was one to not miss this and she quietly leaned against the bench. She removed her jacket and put it on one of the hangers.  
  
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She smirked while Tristan tossed the shirt off in the pile of old rags.  
  
"Oh really?" Tristan went and stood next to Misato. Misato took her index finger and dragged it slowly down his chest. "Gee, Ms. Robinson, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me."  
  
"Perhaps," Misato said while pulling at the waist of his pants. "I'm just wondering if you're still up for the task..."  
  
"Cute pun," Tristan remarked while he looked at her eyes. "But I don't think I can really leave Asuka and Rei like this."  
  
This type of answer did not please Misato, and she wrapped her arms around his chest. "Please? For your commanding officer?" she mewed as she kissed his shoulder.  
  
"Well when you put it that way..." Tristan said as he ran his finger down the zipper on Misato's dress. She put her hand on his and pulled him over to the old bed that was in the back of the garage.  
  
---  
  
Misato laid on the flat section of the roof undressed, still covered with a sheen of sweat she had from her encounters with Tristan. As she looked up at the night sky, she wondered if what she was doing was truly right. If she was breaking all known NERV directories. She thought to herself as Tristan brought her up a beer, and himself a Red Bull. NERV was headed by an insane man now, and the only one that she could truly count on was Tristan, who had all the characteristics of Kaji, minus the theiving backstabbing, plus a much better hairstyle, mad DJ skillz, cooler cars, and much larger "unit".  
  
"Where did you get that scar?" Tristan pointed at the scar that went across Misato's chest as he drank the carbonated green liquid down.  
  
"From second impact... I was at Ground Zero contact point."  
  
"Ouch. I hacked into your personal file at NERV because I was bored and found out all about you and special agent Ryouji Kaji,"  
  
"They took things down about that?" Misato bolted up, her chest heaving up and down. What exactly did NERV take down about her life?  
  
"Eh, it's not much. Just said that you were suspected to have some sort of relationship with him," He shrugged and threw the can of soda down the roof lid. Tristan was lying through his teeth as there was a full record of having every single escapade with Kaji, up until his assasination done by Misato herself.  
  
"Well, as long as I have you around, I don't have to live in that past anymore," Misato leaned over and kissed Tristan's cheek. "Thanks. I needed this."  
  
"Uh, any time?" Tristan looked over as Misato chugged down the beer. She was one difficult subject.  
  
---  
  
"The angel is here! The angel is here!" Maya exclaimed while hopping up and down in her chair. She was so excited as everything was prepared properly, and that the project VANDAMINATOR was going to be a success.  
  
"Prepare the EVA's and the big metal chair!" Ritsuko ordered as Gendo watched on from a far.  
  
"This isn't going to work, is it?" Fuyutsuki asked Gendo in a whisper.  
  
"It sure as hell is," Gendo reassured his older colleague. "I've got fifty thousand yen riding on this with the guys downstairs."  
  
---  
  
"Are you guys ready?" Tristan asked to his fellow pilots. He recieved nods all around from their communications. "Well then, let's do it!"  
  
"HAI!"  
  
The four pilots lurched their machines in preperation for the attack as the angel sat poised over NERV, ready to send out its tentacles against anything that approached too closely.  
  
"NOW!" Tristan yelled as the creature roared. Units 00, 01, and 02 threw the giant metal folding chair up in the air, and Tristan ran in his EVA, kicking the chair right at the direct S2 core of the angel. In a showering of cross shaped shrapnel, the angel exploded and made a giant cross shaped explosion that could be seen twenty kilometers away.  
  
"Yaay!" Everyone cheered and jumped up and down, the EVA's giving each other SUPER high fives of victory.  
  
---  
  
"Yay! Only... Eight more to go!" Misato cheered as she chugged down a can of Old Milwaukee. "We did it Ritsuko! Who knew the Vandaminator would work?" she pulled Ritsuko into her arms and cheered.  
  
"Ikari did," Ritsuko whimpered while trying to escape from Misato's grasp. "He's the best at everything, eh?"  
  
"I've had better," Kaworu said to no one in particular, eliciting a few glances from Maya and Ritsuko.  
  
"Let's bring the EVA's in and we can have a super party style big battle!"  
  
"HAI!"  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile at SEELE's evil headquarters, Paul Oakenfold sat in a chair wearing a blue cotton polo shirt and a pair of khaki's .The evil emperor was not happy at the moment, due to the fact that his latest monster was destroyed by those miserable young adults. Like he had lots of angels to keep sending down at NERV for Adam or Lilith.  
  
"Sir, I don't believe that you can truly take him down at this moment! We need more time to develop a super angel to defeat that miserable little man!" John Digiweed said as he sat behind the table. Sasha was beside him playing with a little silver box.  
  
"Perhaps," Oakenfold said as he rubbed his chin, deep in thought. "Although I do have something in mind for our ultimate battle... How is the status on the construction of my own EVANGELION going?"  
  
"It is going well, sire," DJ TIESTO said to Oakenfold as he cowered in front of the mighty PROGRESSIVE TRANCE DJ.  
  
"Good! I should hope it shall be ready! Prepare the next angel for attack and we shall rule the world!"  
  
---  
  
"So what are we going to do now T Delecour?" Asuka said while stretching back at home with Misato, Shinji, and Tristan. "It seems the angels keep getting stronger and stronger!"  
  
"Gee Asuka, I don't know, I think we should just give up and wait for the world to end,"  
  
"You don't have to be snide!"  
  
"You don't have to be dressed either!" Tristan said and immediately regretted it.  
  
"Gee Tristan, that's just the greatest idea, but I don't think that Shinji would like that, despite his attempts 7 years ago," Asuka mumbled inbetween bites of a carrot.  
  
"I certainly would not!" Shinji cried, standing up and running to his room to listen to his minidisc player alone.  
  
Tristan looked at Asuka, then at Misato. "You two ever thought of getting it on?" he said with a smile.  
  
END CHAPTER 5 


	6. SAVE US ASUKA

CHAPTER 6: SAVE US, ASUKA!  
  
"Let's go swimming... To the sun..." Kaworu sang in while sitting in his jade-green bathtub. His beautiful locks of hair hung down his ears, the back of his hair slightly wet from leaning back against the tub walls. "So relaxing..." He sighed, watching the steam rise from the tub. "You really should join me in here!" The walls of the bathroom were a pleasant change of the traditional Japanese apartment complex, having actual light green paint that went down three quarters down to the floor, up to tiny jade colored tiles that covered the bathroom floor. A small potted bonsai tree sat on top of the pale green bathroom sink, along with a bar of soap and a full box tissues.  
  
"That's okay Kaworu, I'm all set right now!" a voice from Kaworu's bedroom called back.   
  
"Oh, come on now! I'll be good!" Kaworu mock promised. "I mean after that whole ordeal with the candle and..."  
  
"Kaworu!" the voice chided Kaworu and thumps were heard as he walked into the bathroom.  
  
"Hello, Tristan!" Kaworu looked up at him with his head leaning upside down. "You're certainly looking fresh this morning!"  
  
"I sure am!" Tristan grinned and stretched his muscles carefully. "You'd think that Rei would like you more given your taste in clothes."  
  
"Oh no, she got those all from Shinji's father around two years or so ago. You can tell so easily by their style, as she's so out of date fashion wise," Kaworu smiled with a hint of teeth and rolled over in the bathtub, his smooth white skin glistening from the water. "You really should stay a while, I mean you wouldn't want to be bit in the fanny by irony!"  
  
"Bit in the ass?"  
  
"No, the fanny," Kaworu reassured Tristan. "Well, if you're not coming in, could you grab me a towel there, I'll be all set!"  
  
"Here you go," Tristan handed Kaworu the soft, white towel. "I really worry about Asuka sometimes, because she can be a bit depressive..." his voice trailed off while Kaworu dried himself with the towel.  
  
"Ah yes, I do too, she hasn't done too well as a pilot," Kaworu remarked, his deep red eyes looking over Tristan's clothed body.  
  
"Well, I've got to be going, I will probably see you again soon!"  
  
"Give me a call! I'm always around for you!" Kaworu gave Tristan a sly wink while Tristan merely chortled it off.  
  
---  
  
"Asuka Langley Delecour," Asuka typed out on her computer in her room, leaning her head against her bare right arm which was resting on the smooth, jet-black surface of her desk.  
  
"Why hasn't he returned yet?" She thought silently, looking around her room. It was one of the larger bedrooms in the house, having a full size bed with blue sheets, white comforter in the southwest corner. A small model of Unit 02 stood beside the monitor of her computer, standing in a menacing pose. The gray walls gave the incoming sunlight a soft effect, as it cast on them from the open windows. The south most window gave a view overlooking the forest while the east window looked over to the house next to their residence. To Asuka's knowledge, no one lived in it.  
  
"Doesn't anyone listen to me?" She yelled through the empty house. Shinji and Misato were gone for a meeting with Gendo, which they gave very few hints as to what it was about. "Doesn't anyone care?" She followed up in a softer voice, as she pulled open one of the drawers in the desk and removed a retractable cutting knife. A bird chirped outside, and Asuka ran over to the window, slamming it shut. She collapsed on her bed, emotionally strewn about what she was really supposed to be doing with her life. Her blue eyes began to water as she thought more and more about her combat skills deteriorating, how she was second rate compared to Rei in her choice of clothing, the way that Tristan didn't give her the time she desired, and how no one connected to her.  
  
Tears streaming down her face, she sat up on the edge of the bed, her soft gray sleep-wear loosely hanging around her body. She took the knife and extended it two notches, and exposed the bottom side of her left wrist, putting the exposed blade a few centimeters above the vein, ready to cut all the way down her arm. She looked up at the mirror across the room, tears streaming down her face, her dark red-brown hair matted against her face, and dropped the knife on the floor.  
  
"No, there must be some other way. I cannot be weak again," She told herself. The seven years of therapy in the United States had alienated her from her peers. She felt emotionally stunted, unable to comprehend on the level of an average twenty-one year old level. Her life was in shambles, her father all but disowning her during her therapy, her combat skills nil, and she wasn't even good at driving.  
  
"Is anyone here?" she heard the unmistakable voice of Tristan Delecour call out. "Asuka?"  
  
"I'm here!" She weakly mustered, tossing the blade under her bed quickly.  
  
"Geeze, you look like you've gone through hell and back," Tristan said, dropping beside her.  
  
"I just don't want you to leave me," Asuka began weeping, wrapping her arms around Tristan's waist. "I need you here, because with out you, I'm just so alone..."  
  
"Asuka, you know you're the best girl I know," Tristan whispered into Asuka's ear, stroking her back. "I mean, I let you drive my car!"  
  
The twenty one year old girl laid back on her bed, looking up at Tristan while she put her hands over her head, showing her resignation of her fate to Tristan. Tristan's eyes were looking into her own eyes, blinking every so often, and she wondered where he exactly came from. Why was he here? Was he truly so great? Asuka recalled to her youth when she was a headstrong braggart who would do nothing but demand the best. Tristan changed all of that, as he was the best that there was, despite his relative lack of piloting skills. Was it his Jeet Kune Do skills? She wondered to herself. Or was it his connection with his mother in the EVA? He had told her earlier, but it just seemed unfeasible to happen.  
  
"I know," she murmured, "I just feel like I'm a dead weight with you around. You're so much of a hero." Asuka sighed a breath out, and stared at the mirror.   
  
"You're not really a red head, are you? More of a.. brownish red than say a true red, aren't you?"  
  
"Yes?" Asuka shrugged it off and focused on her own mounting pressures that were making every moment of her waking life a living hell. "What made you such a strong individual?"   
  
"Well, I'm not that good. I do have some weak points," Tristan watched Asuka's chest rise up and down with each one of Asuka's breaths while Asuka's hair moved slightly in her head.  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Well, I do have a weakness for girls like you,"  
  
"Hey!" Asuka tried to hold back a bit of a smile as she poked Tristan in the ribs. "I want to know how you became so great as a pilot? I trained every day on that machine and I'm nowhere near as sync ready."  
  
"You just ruined your chances right there,"  
  
"How?"  
  
"Eva's aren't machines. They're as much of a human as you and I," Tristan explained, hoping that Asuka would catch on this time. After he had hacked deep into Asuka's personal files at NERV two weeks ago, with his super computer, GOGAHN, he had found out all about her mother and the psychological trauma that both women had gone through.  
  
"They are machines!"  
  
"Oh for God's sake, Asuka, if anyone should know they're more than machines, it should be you. Didn't you see Shinji's EVA 01 go completely insane more than a few times?"  
  
"Well, yes, but Unit 01 still has many test type flaws when compared to our production units which are-" Asuka began to babble as her poor performing EVA was compared to Shinji's.  
  
"Shh. You are missing the point, as all EVA's are controlled by humans. And not just the human in the entry plug," Tristan interrupted her meaningless prattling calmly. "Don't you feel it? Feel the presence of your mother?"  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. My mother is dead. She killed herself a long time ago," Asuka turned her back to Tristan, biting her tongue to prevent herself from crying. Tristan put a hand on her shoulder for her reassurance.  
  
"Certainly you don't think pilots were chosen by random? Shinji's mother was a member of the EVA test bed. Your mother was a member of the EVA project. My mother was in Unit 04 when the crater occurred. We're piloting our mothers."  
  
"Liar!"  
  
"Au contraire, mon ami, they are indeed, our mothers. Perhaps not in physical form, but mentally, yes. I think you need to make amends with your mother," Tristan said, turning Asuka around to face him.  
  
"What ever you say, Tristan," Asuka rolled her eyes at Tristan before getting a new shirt tossed at him.  
  
---  
  
"This is completely and totally stupid," Asuka whined while sitting in the entry plug. "I'm supposed to make amends with my mother by sitting in a giant mechanized war machine. You may be some sort of techno Jesus, Tristan, but..."  
  
"Asuka, shut up and concentrate," Misato barked.   
  
"Allooooo! Mommy? Are you heeeeeeeree? Floating around in a giant robot for giant monster-of-the-week fighting? Don't be shy!" she called out sarcastically. The entry plug video just showed the plain white walls of the testing bays. All other statistics were clean. Unit 02 remained motionless as the testing was conducted.  
  
"No change reported," Ritsuko reported from behind the control panel. "It's been an hour so far and no changes."  
  
"Pull her out," Tristan sighed. "It's obvious that she needs to drop the act." Tristan sat back in one of the rolling chairs,   
  
"Obviously," Misato sighed and shook her head. "Nice idea, considering that's been one of the key plot points that holds this whole place together."  
  
Ritsuko narrowed one of her eyes at Misato, wondering just what she was talking about. "Uh, Misato?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What was that about?"  
  
"Nothing, nothing." Misato turned and walked down the silvery hallways to her car. She was sick of the lack of effort that Asuka was giving, tired of the lack of love, tired of NERV. She needed a cigarette and a beer.  
  
---  
  
Asuka sighed and flung the plugsuit against the interior of the silver locker. Nothing was working out the way it was supposed to be. She pulled on her shirt and sighed, looking at herself in the mirror hanging from the door of the locker. Her eyes were distraught and blood shot from lack of sleep, as well as stress. As she put on her pants, her mind wandered. She felt she needed a little time alone.  
  
"I've got to get myself somewhere..." She thought, knowing that she still had no skills compared to Tristan, Shinji, or even Rei.  
  
---  
  
"We're home..." Tristan announced as he pulled in the driveway in the Mazda RX-7. "How about we go out and get something to eat?"  
  
"I'm not feeling like eating, right now," Asuka, replied turning her head away from Tristan.  
  
"Catch a film?"  
  
"No,"  
  
"Get some new clothes?"  
  
"No,"  
  
"Listen to my brand new mah-sive trance track?"  
  
"No,"  
  
"Go dori dori?"  
  
"No,"  
  
"Eat some pie?"  
  
"No,"  
  
"Fuck?"  
  
"No, I'm going to go out for a while, I need some time to meditate on my skills," Asuka whimpered out, having passed up such incredible chances to be with Tristan just to improve her piloting skills.  
  
"Okay, just don't end up in a bathtub, naked and looking like a concentration camp victim! I'll call up Rei and we'll do something together,"  
  
"Fine." Asuka grit her teeth and pulled the harness off her body, exiting the car. "I'll call if there's any problem."  
  
"You do that!"  
  
---  
  
Asuka sat down in the middle of the well groomed park, her metallic green bicycle locked to a nearby chain-link fence that was covered with foliage. A few young children chased each other in the distance, but Asuka didn't mind. She had things to concentrate on, and needed a chance to relax. As she laid back, feeling the blades of grass bending from her weight on her spine, she sighed and looked upwards to the sky. The clouds moved slowly across the sky, an occasional plane flying over head as she simply relaxed.  
  
This was not to last long as her worn silver cell phone began to ring, but her mind was already focused elsewhere, and she briefly saw that it was merely Tristan's phone. Sighing, she pushed the end button and went back to staring at the sky.  
  
Minutes turned to hours as she sat, idly doodling on a small pad that she had kept in her pocket, or simply writing out her feelings about a certain cloud formation that hovered overhead. After about two hours of peace and quiet, the civilian siren went off to get to the shelters. There was a possible attack about to occur..  
  
"Fuck," Asuka swore as she ran to her bicycle, pulling the lock apart. She leapt on the seat and rode as fast as she could to the house where she could get a ride to NERV.  
  
---  
  
"ALLO?" Asuka yelled as she ran inside, not bothering to take off her shoes. "Anyone here?"  
  
No one responded to her calls as she ran through the house.  
  
"Must all be at NERV already! But Tristan's car is still in the driveway! And so is Misato's! Something must be amiss!" She comprehended as she grabbed a set of keys for Tristan's now single TRust turboed RX-7. Tristan said that he was tired of the hairy transitions between the twin Hitachi as he was pushing more boost on them than normal. The single turbo, while increasing the spool-up time minimally, made a smooth arch through the entire power band, rather than the jump when one turbo was fully spooled, and the other was just starting to.  
  
"I better get to NERV fast! Faster than, uh, Jesus on roller-skates!" She ran to Tristan's car, hopping over the roll-cage into the black Sparco seat. The rotary snapped to life as she turned the key.   
  
---  
  
"Where is Tristan, Rei, Shinji, and Misato?" Ritsuko wondered as she picked at her nails nervously, looking at the latest angel. Frankly to her, it looked like a sock puppet merged with an EVA. And those wings. Creepy, was the word that came to mind to Ritsuko. It was merrily munching down on some of the white battle buildings, oblivious to anything else.  
  
"Call them again Maya," Ritsuko told the young technician. "We need to know where they are! Try Asuka. Try Rei. Try Shinji. Any of them!"  
  
"Yes ma'am!"   
  
"Time for another tall, frosty bottle of Sapporo Coffee-based beverage!" Ritsuko said with a smile.  
  
---  
  
"Got to make it back to NERV!" Asuka sang in full verse while dodging traffic, which instantly cleared for Tristan Delecour's pure white with pearl blue clear-coat sleek drift machine. "Got to smash an angel, la la la. I've got to make this turn, la la la."  
  
As the entry gates opened in anticipation for the RX-7, Asuka smiled and dropped the gear down to fourth, hit 7k RPM, the Greddy turbo conversion smoothly adjusting the powerband, rather than the jolts from the stock Hitachi units. She stopped the car in the middle of the entry way, leaving it still running, her silver backpack containing her plugsuit, and head sync units.  
  
"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!" she yelled through the hallways as she kicked off her shoes, running towards the entry plug area. After tossing on her plugsuit in a corner, she continued down the hall to find Ritsuko waiting for her by the plugs.  
  
"Where's everyone else?"  
  
"I don't know! Tristan should be here! Shinji should be here! Rei should be here!" Asuka wheezed out as she tried to catch her breath.  
  
"Well, then it's a solo mission. Get in Unit 02 and fight for us! The number of angels is at eight, and we don't know if any more are coming."  
  
"Oh no! Tristan would know what to do! But I will have to do it alone! And I am just a useless woman and I can't do anything right and I feel like crying." Asuka whimpered as she sat in the entry plug, watching the diagnostic screens cycle through. Thoughts of what Tristan had told her to do flowed through her mind as LCL filled the plug.  
  
"Preparing for launch." a disinterested voice read off as Asuka felt her world slowly fall.  
  
---  
  
"Oh no!" Kaworu fretted. "What ever shall we do!"  
  
Tristan's limp body laid still in the cell across from Kaworu, Rei, Shinji, and Misato, barely visible under the dirty lamps that gave an eerie yellow glow.  
  
"I can't believe he fought so bravely to protect us!" Shinji sighed as he sat against the metal prison wall. "So selfless to throw himself to the evil clutches of Oakenfold for the sake of your life Rei!"  
  
Rei merely blushed and kept calling for Tristan to wake up from the forty tranquilizer darts that hit him. He had dodged the first thirty, but when they took Rei hostage, he begged for her life to be spared, and then was shot by the darts which then shot him and made him fall into a tranquilized state which was from the darts that were shot from the dart guns made by the dart gun manufacturing plant who specialized in dart guns and tranquilizers.   
  
"It's like he did everything he could for us, but now he's surrounded by an energy shield that we're powerless against!" Misato cried as she looked at the floor of the cell, trying to find a way out. "Grrr! I hate Oakenfold!"  
  
True to her words, Oakenfold songs were pumped through the speakers, the pop-like melodies sifting through the air like cherry blossoms in the wind.  
  
"He must be trying to torture us!" Kaworu gasped, his fingers tangled together.  
  
"He must be trying to torture us!" Rei mimicked Kaworu in a lispy-tone. "Is that all you do around here? Fret? Whine? Cry? Did we really need another one of those besides Shinji? I can't take this life anymore. I'm just going to hold my breath until I turn blue."  
  
Misato raised an eyebrow at Rei's tirade, interested as Rei gulped down air and made her hands into fists.  
  
---  
  
"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," Asuka howled as she held up the hands of Unit 02 in defense of the 8 White EVA's that turned and faced her. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, and more crap."  
  
"Asuka, go to it, or you're fired, That is all," Gendo ordered.  
  
"But... I suck!" Asuka cried out in frustration to the unresponsive headquarters of NERV.  
  
"Asuka... Asuka... This is your Mommy and I wanted to say that you don't suck. Well, at least piloting EVA's." a voice called out from the depths of the LCL.  
  
"NANI GO BAKA DESU NE? TOTEMO CHISAI JISHO KAIMASHITA KA? AH SO DESU NE? NAKA NAKA SUGOI NIHON O IKIMASEN DESHITA!!" Asuka babbled randomly.  
  
"Won't you become one with me?" the voice asked. "Of body and soul?"  
  
"Er, um, but, I'm not into that with family members?"  
  
"... Won't you become one with me?" it asked again, reassuringly.  
  
"Oh. Okay. I guess if it will get rid of those new pesky Angels."  
  
---  
  
"You know this is very cruel, Ritsuko," Gendo said, giving a strange glance to Fuyutsuki, who had been behaving rather odd lately.  
  
"It's the only way now!" Ritsuko replied, sipping down the brown fluid. "She just sucks too much!"  
  
"Indeed," Ikari agreed, humming Tristan's new hit fluffy McTrance Glowstick remix of KUNG FU FIGHTING, which Tristan aptly renamed "JEET KUNE DO FIGHTING, with TONFAS". "His moves were fast as liiiightniiing."  
  
---  
  
"Yay! I am one with the EVA! I am number one!" Asuka cheered as she sliced through the multitude of EVA's with the greatest of ease. With her new found sync-ratio, she found that she could merely bounce around and slice them all up with no problem. They all died and Asuka was happy again.  
  
"OH NO!" Asuka cried out, "I must save Tristan, Shinji, and Rei, and Kaworu, and Misato! Where are they at?" Asuka thought out loud.  
  
Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, it hit her.  
  
"They're all at SEELE headquarters! They must be! That must mean I must rescue them and I get to be the hero!"  
  
"Oh no you're not Asuka!" Gendo barked over the intercom.  
  
"I'm dropping the hammer!" Asuka said, blocking all communications to her EVA. Grabbing the new portable backpack power unit for Unit 02's slender frame, she picked up a progressive hand grenade, a progressive shotgun, a progressive AWP sniper rifle, some progressive throwing knives, a progressive katana, and a progressive bazooka. Then she ran to Seele's headquarters.  
  
---  
  
"Damn! Shit! Hell!" Tristan said as he held his aching head in his hands. "If they didn't have 300 guys on me at once, I would of beat them all!"  
  
"Tristan!" Rei said with tears in her eyes, running into the laser beam bars that held her back from the super-star DJ, drifter, rally car driver, EVA Pilot, and so many other countless things that made him oh so perfect. She bounced off the laser beams and was flung against Shinji.  
  
"Don't you worry about me, Rei!" Tristan shouted, thinking of what he could do. "Hmmm... what to do...."  
  
A guard walked through the hallway with a pistol, looking at the captors. "Oooh, looks like we've got some sexy results from our path. I think I'll have to 'cash in' on the bounty!" The guard said, eyeing Misato's torn jacket. "Oh, wowwie!" The guard jumped when he saw the super drifter. "It's Tristan Delecour! He's my favorite DJ ever! Can I have your autograph? And one for my son, he's a huge fan and would love to have something by you!"  
  
"Sure. Come over here and I'll make one for you," Tristan replied, heading out to the solid bars.  
  
The guard walked over and stood next to the bars, awaiting the autograph, but Tristan had other plans. Tristan grabbed the man by the shirt, and put him in a choke hold.  
  
"Oh no! Please don't kill me! I've got a family and.." the guard was cut short after Tristan snapped his neck.  
  
"You gotta do what you gotta do." Tristan mused as he grabbed the key card to his cell. He slid it through the cold metal slide and opened the cell's door, walking out proudly. He went over to the locker that contained all his items and pulled out a cellphone from the pile of items.  
  
"Better call the base," Tristan said as he walked out the door.  
  
"But what about us?" Rei begged to have her quest for knowledge answered. "What ever will we do?"   
  
"You can wait here and keep yourself ready!"  
  
"You sure are full of good ideas, Tristan. If I had the choice, I'd put you in my job as commander!" Misato said.  
  
"I know I am,"  
  
---  
  
"Gonna save Tristan and everyone else... Dooo dooo doo doo dee doo doo. Gonna save Tristan with this gun in my hand. Doo doo doo bee doo be doo doo," Asuka sang quietly to herself.  
  
The fine red EVA galloped through the plains, running over some spare buildings that remained abandoned from the angel attacks.  
  
"Hey, there's SEELE headquarters!" Asuka shouted over the communications system. "I should save Tristan and stuff! He'll be so happy then!"  
  
  
---  
  
"LOOK OUT, TRISTAN!" Shinji yelled as Tristan dodged a bullet shot from a 45 mm silencer. The guards were surrounding him, but Tristan was too fast and was taking them out while humming a new HARDCORE DEEP FUNKY DRUM AND BASS song that he wrote while sitting in his cell.  
  
"Wow, he's so good!" Rei said, almost fainting because Tristan was in such danger.  
  
Tristan, however, had a better idea than those throwaway guards. He stole one of the guns off the dead guards and shot them all. "Now you guys can get out and stuff," Tristan smiled, after opening the bars to the cell. "Everyone should get a gun, the bigger, the better,"  
  
"Oh, I don't know if my delicate wrists can handle high powered weaponry like your sculpted greek god body can!"  
  
"You're right, Rei, they can't, but you should still get a gun. How about that auto-shotgun," Tristan said as he threw the heavy Russian build weapon over. "Just get your own ammo from the dead bodies!"  
  
After everyone got a gun, Tristan started shooting grenades from the pulse rifle towards the fast approaching guards, their body parts flying everywhere, coating Shinji with intestines of unfortunate guards, blood matting his hair. Shinji decided that it was probably a good time to move out of the way from the path of the guards.  
  
"Through here!" Misato yelled over the explosions and screams of pain. "This is the emergency exit!"  
  
Everyone ran through the way Misato was pointing to and entered a long silver and white corridor that had flourecent lighting beside the walls. The floors had a complex diamond plating that had a slight bit of rust on the edges, suggesting that it had been exposed to sea water at some point.  
  
Tristan noticed this and sniffed the air. "I smell salt water!"  
  
"As do I," Kaworu agreed, leaning against the plate aluminum walls. "I think this will head out to the ocean!"  
  
"Wow, Tristan, I didn't know you were so smart about that kind of thing!" Shinji ran down to the end of the corridor. "It does!"  
  
"NOT WHEN I'M AROUND!" a voice from an unknown source boomed through.  
  
"Who are you!?" Tristan demanded, pointing the high powered rifle/grenade around the room, only to watch it get kicked out of his hands in the dry air.  
  
"I THINK YOU CAN FIGURE THAT OUT!" A image shimmered and Oakenfold stood in front of the group. "HA HA HA HA HA" Oakenfold laughed, then attacked Tristan.  
  
"Oh no! He wants to fight!" Misato fretted, trying to take a straight aim at Oakenfold. "But he's too close, and I might shoot Tristan! I don't know what to do!"  
  
Tristan dodged the first kick that Oakenfold shot out, and swept his feet to the left, and hit Oakenfold square on the temple.  
  
"Ha ha ha, you cannot defeat me that way!" Oakenfold shouted, and caught Tristan's punch with his hand, attempting to crush it.  
  
"Oww!" Tristan grimaced as the pain shot through his hand and up his arm. "His strength seems unreal! Someone shoot him!"  
  
"But I can't shoot straight!" Rei whined as she looked through the scope.  
  
"Take the shot!"  
  
BOOM! Rei's rifle shot straight through Oakenfold's head and the fist lost grip. Misato, Rei, Kaworu, Shinji, and Tristan crowded around the corpse.  
  
"Wait a second... this isn't Oakenfold, this is just a CLONE!" Tristan watched the green goo drool out of the bullet hole.  
  
"Yes, that is right, DELECOUR!" Oakenfold's voice boomed. "I'll make sure to defeat you in a better way! A ha ha ha ha!"  
  
"Let's get out of here!" Shinji suggested, exiting the building.  
  
---  
  
"Hmm.. If I was Tristan, what would I do?" Asuka said while picking off the defense drones at SEELE's headquarters. "I'd defeat Oakenfold in hand to hand combat, and run outside for a super robot."  
  
Suddenly, a giant robot appeared from underground. It had long arms and was brown/beige with big black things sticking out of its back. "... It's Jet Alone!" Asuka gasped as the realization hit her like a five gallon-head in a ten-gallon hat. "I'll have to DESTROY him!" Asuka readied her progressive chainsaw and charged.  
  
Jet Alone sighed and crumbled as the hot blades from the Briggs And/Or Stratton built chainsaw. In an explosion that rocked the house like Kid and Play in House Party II, Asuka made a perfect three point landing on the blackened earth where no doubt there was a huge explosion of Jet Alone.  
  
"It's a good thing I'm almost a tenth as good as Tristan!" Asuka said proudly.  
  
---  
  
Tristan ran out of the massive SEELE complex and saw UNIT 02 and knew it was Asuka there to pick him up. "Everyone go into the hands!" Tristan said after Asuka cupped the EVA's hands to carry the five back to base.  
  
Once they got to base again, Tristan ran over to his silver, black, and red EVA and got in to finish off SEELE alone.  
  
"He's so brave!"  
  
---  
  
Tristan sat at the modern controls of the EVA, but something was not right at all.  
  
"We've got a green pattern! It means there's a so called 'TRANCE DJ' pilot out there, Tristan! Be careful!" Ritsuko communicated to Tristan has he held up a pair of progressive tonfas up.  
  
"I know what I'm doing," Tristan said cooly.  
  
Down the horizon, there was a huge black and orange figure with giant boxes on the shoulders running to Unit 04.  
  
"You're not going to get away from me now, Delecour!" The robot's pilot called out. As it came closer, Tristan could make out more details from it. In comparison to his own EVA, it was very bulky, much more robotic, with large wires covered all over his , and the giant boxes on its shoulders were actually speakers, with giant subwoofer ports.  
  
Tristan knew exactly who he was dealing with when the shoulders combined and a giant megaspeaker came out. "It.. can't... be!"  
  
"YES, TRISTAN! IT IS ME, CHRISTOPHE CHANTZIS, OF IAN VAN DAHL FAME!!! HA HA HA HA HA! YOU ALL WILL PERISH UNDER MY GRIP!!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU KILLED TRANCE!" Tristan screamed, as he ran toward the mechanized beast with tonfas ready. But Christophe was ready, and laid out a "massive" female vocal remix of "Castles in the Sky" causing Tristan's EVA to fly backwards through the air.  
  
---  
  
"No! It can't be!" Rei cried as Tristan's EVA flew backwards and landed into a building, struggling to get up. "I need to go out there too!"  
  
"No, Rei, you'll just get crushed by the music," Kaworu replied smugly while drinking a cup of coffee. "I certainly don't think that anyone but Tristan alone could take care of this menace."  
  
"I'm going!" Asuka shouted, "I need to show the world that I am alive!"  
  
"Refuse launch!" Gendo demanded, but Unit 02 was already powered up and climbing up the launch tubes. Ivan Van Dahl's "Castles in the Sky was deafening through the hallways.  
  
"She's taking her own life in her hands now," Fuyutsuki thought.  
  
---  
  
Tristan tried to struggle to his feet as the EVA was struck down by the massive sound waves produced from the robotic form opposite of himself.  
  
"Shit! This thing is super strong! If I don't figure out how to destroy him." Tristan tried to think ol a way to defeat the vile mechanical beast, bracing himself on the ground against any further attacks.  
  
"Tristan! I am here to help!" Asuka cried out as she let loose a giant AT Field blast that hit Ivan right in the chest.  
  
"You bitch!" Christophe screamed while he reloaded another CD and pressed the fire button in her direction. "You scratched my paint job signed by Oakenfold himself!"  
  
Asuka's beam suddenly cut out as the speakers released a fluffy elemental vocal glowstick remix of his own "Will I?", which had waves so powerful that they were visible to the naked eye. Christophe turned Asuka and turned the power knob to eleven. The resulting soundwaves could have been considered beautiful to the eye, but the completely cheesy and boring in an aural sense, making it a perfect weapon for Christophe to use against the EVA series.  
  
"MASTER WILL BE SO PROUD OF ME!" Christophe screamed as the vocals continued on, crushing Asuka's EVA to a mountainside. "Now to go in for the kill!"  
  
"Not so fast, cheese Trance man!" Tristan yelled as he laid down a huge pipe on the speakers. "I bring you, PIPES!"  
  
"No! You cannot defeat me!"  
  
But Tristan had already done so and sawed through the cockpit of the robot, cleaving Christophe in half.  
  
---  
  
"Yay! Tristan saved the day! Again!" Everyone cheered in NERV's headquarters and opened large bottles of champagne, spraying them all over each other victoriously.  
  
"Save some of that for me!" Tristan joked as he carried the unpowered Unit 02 back to base.  
  
"Oh you know we will!" Gendo said.  
  
---  
  
END CHAPTER 6 


	7. IS THERE A TZARA IN THE HOUSE?

CHaPTeR 7 Is there a Tzara in the house?  
  
Months passed by quickly as SEELE, Oakenfold, and company remained dormant. The EVAs were sitting in the storage containment units happily, no one was really interested in working at NERV while the months passed by, so a minimal crew was put on alert and the pilots got a well deserved break. Soon enough, May approached along with Tristan's birthday! Asuka's birthday was three days after Tristan's, but no one cared about that.  
  
"Oh me oh MY!" Asuka fretted as she thought to herself as to what Tristan wanted for his birthday, never mind her own 22nd birthday which was absolutely nothing in comparison, I mean, Tristan was turning twenty two! You only turn twenty two once a lifetime. "What do I get for Tristan? What do I get?" Asuka thumbed through pages upon pages of electronic music equipment, auto parts, clothing articles, robotic arm parts, antiques, and other various bric-a-brac that may have some sort of meaning to the great Tristan Delecour.  
  
Just when her perfect item seemed to be in the reach (A suitably beautiful MiniMoog, circa mid 1970's), her small cellular telephone rang with a set of chimes. "H-Hello?" Asuka stumbled out as her jaw dropped at the price, which was over 6000 yens, which was almost three whole months salary.  
  
"Hey Asuka!" the voice of everyone's favorite blue haired EVA pilot beamed "You're not going to guess what I got for Tristan for his birthday until the day! It's the best gift you can ever get for Tristan and you'll be oh so jealous when I give it to him."  
  
"What did you get him?" Asuka demanded, her finger hovering over the button to purchase the retro-instrument.  
  
"Didn't you understand what I just said? It's a secret!" Rei giggled. "A really big secret to everyone!  
  
Asuka could almost see the shit-eating smile that Rei had, content with the fact she had trumped Asuka in gift buying. But Asuka wasn't going to let that happen. She slammed her finger down and the MiniMoog was as good as hers. "Yeah right. Look, I've got to go and make sure that Tristan is going to not know about the super surprise party we're going to have for him."  
  
"Fine, whatever. You're going to be just so jealous!'  
  
---  
  
Tristan Delecour sat in the sun with his eyes closed gently, the fresh smell of his after shave still pleasantly lingering from the cut he did that morning. "It's really too bad that I haven't had any chances to show off how cool I am lately," he remarked to no one in particular. The sun was shining, and Tristan, Misato, and Kaworu were out in the sun.  
  
"You would think that, but I think you're more than showing enough!" Kaworu replied from the sun umbrella, sipping a cool margarita. "I never knew you could possibly have completed three world tours in just two months!"  
  
Tristan shrugged and asked Misato where the phone was so he could call up Asuka and Rei. "Where are those two anyways? I hope they're not worried to death over my birthday!"  
  
"Don't be silly," Misato chuckled, her own gift for Tristan hidden away at NERV. "I'm sure they've already had it planned out for months."  
  
"But still, Rei's missing out on all the sun!"  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, at NERV...  
  
"Sir, profits are down this quarter, due to a total lack of monster fighting/DJ Battles the last few months," Fuyutsuki reported to Gendo, who was busily playing solitaire on the Magi system.  
  
"So? We'll get into some, someday," Gendo replied, clicking the button for deal. "I'm busy right now! Go away!"  
  
"Sir, if we don't have any money, they'll cut the power out, and we'll be doomed!" Fuyutsuki said in a bit more urgent tone. "What ever will we do then?"  
  
"I don't know Fuyutsuki. Make a clip show?" he sat with his chin on his left palm, tapping his fingers against his beard.  
  
"I suppose that could happen..." Fuyutsuki realized that he was getting nowhere with Gendo, and that maybe he should just reorganize the budget himself in his spare time.  
  
"Aww, crap. Look at what you made me do, Fuyutsuki. I messed up because of your dumb mailbox head. Begone!" Gendo commanded Fuyutsuki out of the office, not even lifting his eyes from the computer terminal. "Come up here when you know what to do about Tristan's surprise party."  
  
---  
  
Days past, and May 6th was fast approaching. On the dawn of that very day that Tristan Delecour was born, the great one awoke to find the house empty.  
  
"Misato? Asuka? Shinji?" Tristan called out as he rubbed his eyes. It was eight o'clock by the kit-kat clock on the wall, but there was still plenty of time left for him to get to classes. "Where is everyone?"  
  
Tristan walked slowly through the sliding door, clad only in grey boxers that showed off his thin, yet muscular physique. As he went through the door, he saw PenPen wobble past with a beer in hand. This was a normal sight in the house, so he disregarded it as a desperate attempt of comic relief. As he went through the house more, looking through the rooms, he saw that there was clearly no one home. Shinji's room was flawless as usual, Asuka's room wasn't too bad, and Misato's room was knee-deep in dirty clothing. "Jesus christ...." Tristan whispered as he slid Misato's door shut. She did manage to keep the rest of the house clean, but her personal space was just abominable.  
  
As Tristan headed into the kitchen, he saw a note plastered to the table: "DEAR TRISTAN: WE ARE ALL OUT WALKING. WE WILL BE BACK! -LOVE MISATO, ASUKA, SHINJI."  
  
Tristan smiled at the note and grabbed a cup of coffee, turning the flat-screen television on to one of the many movie channels. There was Titantic on, right on the scene where Leonardo DeCaprio is sketching a topless Kate Hudson. "Meh, I've drawn better," Tristan snorted as he stirred the black liquid on the blue counter top. "I mean come on. She's so imperfect." He changed the channels a few times, only to find nothing that could satisfy his interest in film.  
  
Tristan sighed as he gulped down the coffee, carefully walking over to the bathroom for a shower. "I really wonder where they are."  
  
---  
  
"Is everyone ready?" Misato yelled on the bullhorn, her cellphone in her hand and a pink party hat strapped around her head."  
  
"HAI!" The entire NERV complex thundered in response.  
  
"Launch Unit 01 and get it good and crazy!" Misato commanded, watching Unit 01 fly through the launch sequence, dummy plug active.   
"Unit 01 launched!" One of the bridge bunnies cried out, his blue party hat perfectly centered.  
  
"Girls, are you ready?" Misato turned to Asuka and Rei who were busy fixing the second real cake after they couldn't solve the issue of who was going to pop out of the fake cake naked. Asuka wouldn't back down and neither would Rei, and they couldn't find a cake that was big enough to fit them both in, yet small enough so they wouldn't start doing crude, fan-boy fantasy things to each other.  
  
"HAAAAI!" Rei and Asuka chorused in a sing song voice.  
  
"Kaworu, are the gifts in order?"  
  
"Haaaai!" Kaworu sang, as he adjusted his own and Shinji's party hat to a suitably jaunty angle.  
  
"Positions everyone, and make some noise, I'm going to call Tristan now!"  
  
---  
  
Tristan stepped out of the shower, fully refreshed, and wrapped a towel around his mighty waist after quickly drying off his hair. He hummed to himself as he brushed his teeth, thinking about his future rally championships in his Mitsubishi's. As he pulled on a pair of pants, his cellphone rang loudly and he stumbled over as he pulled up the UFO BRAND pants. "Moshi Moshi!?" he asked to the phone.  
  
"Tristan! We need you now! Unit 01's gone crazy in a test run and we need you to stop it! It's breaking through the core and Unit 00 and Unit 02 are damaged beyond repair! I repeat we need you- No!" Tristan heard over the screaming of what seemed to be bridge bunnies getting crushed by Unit 01's massive feet. This call was more than enough to get Tristan to NERV, but only after he properly put on a pair of white Champion socks, white and blue Circa shoes, and a new grey element t-shirt.  
  
"Finally some action!" Tristan cheered and ran out the door to his pearl white 1998 RX-7. As the engine screamed to life, Tristan jammed the gear into reverse, then first gear, making a super cool huge burnout out of the Advan Neova tires.  
  
---  
  
"He's coming! He's coming! Everyone get to their places!" Misato shouted as she shooed everyone on the bridge to the main hall, which had all of its lights turned out.  
  
---  
  
Tristan slid through the halls of NERV in the RX7 at speeds approaching 160 kilometers per hour, drifting every hairpin perfectly. "I've got to save NERV!" Tristan cried out as he stopped the car in the dead blackness of what he didn't recognize. Rather than turning on the lights, he stopped, not wanting his perfect RX7 to get any damage from a rampaging EVA. He opened the door and exited after removing the harness, not sure what to expect.  
  
But the moment the door slam echoed through the hall, the lights turned on and a huge rumbling "SURPRISE!" thundered through the hall from every single Nerv employee, including a few non-employees as well.  
  
"Wow!" Tristan said as he walked over to the magnificent crowd that was gathered together in his honor. "You're all here to see me?"  
  
Everyone nodded with their party hats in place, which even Gendo had on. Tristan walked over to Asuka and Rei who were nervously fidgeting in matching skirts, but different shirts, white and black, respectively. "Did you guys all organize this?"  
  
"Hai!" The two girls sang. "And if you look to your right, you'll see Nerv's gift to you!" Rei smiled and pointed down the hall.  
  
Flourecent lights flickered down the hall and a giant EVA sized rifle showed up.  
  
"Oh wow... Is that what I think it is?" Tristan gasped at the size of the rifle and the attaching clips.  
  
"Yup, it's a particle-based, sub-atomic ultra-progressive Mega rifle!" Ristuko told Tristan. "Basically it fires off rapid energy pulsing progressive knife blades into the angel to penetrate their AT fields! It's a present from NERV to you and your EVA for all your hard work!"  
  
"Well thank you so very much!" Tristan smiled and turned around to Asuka and Rei who had already pushed their gifts in front of Tristan.  
  
"Open mine first!" Asuka demanded, picking up the large, heavy box. "I spent oh so much time and care choosing it!"  
  
Tristan pulled out his keys from his army green pants and carefully cut the paper open to the box, then cut the cardboard to see the MiniMoog inside. "Oh wow, a MiniMoog! I've always wanted one of these! This is so elkhorn!!" He said as he pecked Asuka on the cheek, picking the MiniMoog out of the box and onto the floor.   
  
"Just wait until you see my present!" Rei smiled, her teeth glistening from the overhead lights. "Follow me, that is, if you want it."  
  
Tristan looked at the pile of presents that were still were there, and then at Rei. "I'm sorry Rei, can't you bring it out for everyone to see?"  
  
"Oh fine. Come on out guys!" Rei called out to the command center. A few moments passed, and three figures emerged with bows on their heads.  
  
"Oh my..." Tristan said as his mouth laid wide open, as did Gendo's, Ritsuko's, and Misato's. The three figures were indeed, Karl Hyde, Rick Smith, and Darren Emerson, of the British electronic group Underworld. Darren himself had a massive red bow on his head, while the other two had much smaller blue bows. "H-h-h-how did you know, how did you find, how did you get, how did you..." Tristan stuttered out as Rei gleefully skipped over to Tristan's side, opposite a very irate looking Asuka.  
  
"Well, you know..." She said, looking down and blushing. "It took me a long time to get them back together again, especially after Darren wouldn't go back into the group..."  
  
"I'll say, their album after Everything Everything sucked big donkey balls! One hundred days off my ass!" Tristan laughed.  
  
"Corr blimey!" Karl Hyde said, embarrassed with his previous efforts. "After that argy-bargy with Darren... We bloody couldn't deal with that berk any more!"  
  
"Oy! That's bollocks!" Darren Emerson said in his defense. "You were one daft cunt back then! Always wanting to have those trousers around your bloody blotto bum! Always drinkin' that plonk! All mouth and no trousers, ye were!"  
  
"Mates, we're in the presence of Tristan Delecooo-ah here, let's not have another argy-bargy or there will be no ice-lollis at the end of the performance! I'm just over the moon that I'm with Tristan!" Rick Smith said, as he went over to the large equipment setup of synthesizers, mixers, and drum machines.  
  
"Corr!" Karl Hyde said. "Let's take it from the top lads!"  
  
Tristan was in awe with his favorite band actually back together as they were on their first holy trinity albums, but after 100 Days Off, Tristan could not like their works, due to the drastic change and rather mellowing out of the dance-floor filling sounds that had partially inspired Tristan to take his super-star DJ status.  
  
"Wow Rei, I really must admit defeat in my gift to Tristan," Asuka admitted. "How did you get these guys back together?"  
  
"It's a secret!" Rei said with a smile and a wink. "Let's just say they were more than willing when I mentioned the guest of honor!"  
  
Underworld began playing, starting with great songs like Cowgirl, Born Slippy (Nuxx), Bruce Lee (Although Karl changed the lyrics from Bruce Lee to Tristan Delecour because he was so cool), and many, many more songs followed. Everyone at NERV loved it and started dancing when a big sign that said "TRISTAN DELECOUR AND UNDERWORLD RULE" behind Underworld showed up that Gendo had planned, and everyone started screaming when Tristan got up on stage with Underworld and sang with Karl on Pearl's Girl.  
  
"This is the best party ever!" Misato said as she drank down a beer. "I wish Tristan's birthday was every day!"  
  
"Me too!" Ritsuko cheered on as Tristan did what he does best.  
  
---  
  
The night passed, and so did many days as things went on, Asuka's birthday not getting quite the same treatment as Tristan, but she did get a white Lancer EVO 6 RS trim from Tristan, with a small amount of modifications like a chrome-alloy roll cage, JIC FLT-A2 coilovers, gunmetal powder coated Ray's Engineering Gram Lights 57F 18 inch rims with 18/30/245 Advan Neova tires, Apexi N1 exhaust, and an HKS blow-off valve, nowhere near as fast as Tristan's RX-7 or Eclipse, but quick, none the less, and a few other items from America, articles of clothing, and a new Tag-Heur watch from Rei.  
  
June hit without incident, and Tristan started to wonder about the status of SEELE, and if he had truly defeated Oakenfold once and for all, despite what his clone said. He sat in his chair, listening to the computer fans whirr under his desk, when a gentle knock rapped on the front door. "I'll get it!" Tristan yelled as ran to the door, opening it.  
  
"Hello, is Shinji there?" Two japanese men of around Tristan's age asked. "We're some old friends..."  
  
"Who are you?" Tristan asked suspiciously.  
  
"We're Toji and Kensuke. You might remember me as guy who was the pilot of Unit 03, that got smooshed,' The taller of the two males said.  
  
"TOJI!" Shinji's voice shrieked as he ran to the door, running past Tristan, into Toji's outstretched arms. "Where have you been? I thought you died!? And lost your leg and arm?"  
  
"Naw, I just sort of stopped breathing for a while," Toji smirked, embarrassed at Shinji's hugging. "And my leg got better thanks to modern surgery and growth formulas!"  
  
"And Kensuke, I thought you joined the JSDF?!"  
  
"Oh, well, I did, but they discharged me after a year, because I was making a video of JSDF Gone Wild, and I met my true love in life, a girl named Tomoyo. She's a little young for me, but lemme tell you how she.."  
  
"Okay, that's enough," Tristan made a force grin and let the two in the house. "I'll tell Misato that you're here."  
  
---  
  
Deep with SEELE, problems were occurring. Tristan Delecour was too busy destroying all their giant monsters before they could even plow through any of Tokyo 3, never mind attack the core for Adam/Lilith.  
  
"Slaves!" Oakenfold screamed while he pounded his fist angrily on the table. "I need new monsters that can defeat Delecour!"  
  
"But sir!" Paul Van Dyk dared to respond in front of Oakenfold's tirade. "We have completely and totally run out of ideas for what we can make!"  
  
Sasha looked up from his monitor in the back of the room, after watching a film. "How about Gamera?"  
  
"Gamera?" Oakenfold's voice changed to one that was less angry than usual.  
  
"Yeah, Gamera,"  
  
"But Gamera is a friend to all the Children!" Tiesto said, "We couldn't possibly put him against the EVA's!"  
  
"Tiesto, he's a friend to the CHILDREN, not the EVA's!" Oakenfold corrected the overrated DJ.  
  
"You mean the DARK LORD'S song?" Tiesto asked.  
  
"... Perhaps... Set the monster maker to GAMERA!!"  
  
"You can't! You're insane, Oakenfold! Insane!" John "00" Fleming screamed, running in the room.  
  
"Just watch me! Gamera is good, Gamera is really neat! Gamera is full of turtle meat!"  
  
---  
  
Tristan sat un-amused in a chair while watching the large, flat-screen television. Here he was, twenty two years of age, in mid-June, and still, no sign that his Eclipse's engine and new carbon fiber wide-body was going to be complete any time soon by the people at JUN. He had considered sending it to TODA, but he just wasn't sure anymore. He just wanted his car complete again so he could go on more road racing adventures through Japan. A small piece of lint made its way on to the deep gray silk shirt Kaworu had given him for his birthday, and he flicked it off towards the direction of Asuka, who was flipping through the stations.  
  
"Can't there be anything on?" He complained, filing his nails. "It's like they purposely made all the TV shows suck."  
  
Asuka sighed in agreement, hurling the remote over to Rei, who was playing with Tristan's MiniMoog. "Heads up!" she called out after the narrow black object pegged Rei in the back of the head.  
  
"Owwww... What did you do that for?" Rei frowned as she dropped her hand from the resonance knob on the low-pass filter to rub her head. "I was coming up with something nice for Tristan!"  
  
"So?" Asuka said, attempting lighting up a cigarette. "Your songs have no chance of even comparing to Tristan's love ballads."  
  
"Now, now, Asuka, let's not crush Rei's dreams and hopes, as everyone has a chance to be a winner in the game of Life!" Tristan said before Rei could respond to Asuka's attacks. "We all have to start somewhere."  
  
Just as Asuka was starting to almost get the cigarette lit, the door was rapped on three times, again. "Who could this be?"   
  
"Could you get that, Asuka?" Tristan requested as he sat down behind Rei, his fingers intertwined over her's while over the MiniMoog's keyboard. "I'm a bit... busy right now," he continued as Rei ran her hand up his shirt.  
  
"Fine, fine, whatever," Asuka gritted her teeth together, and went to the door. "If Shinji wasn't at that special "boy's only" bar with Kaworu, Toji, and Kensuke, I wouldn't have to get the door, therefore, my status in Tristan's eyes would go up, and I wouldn't be mitigated to merely opening doors and I think I should probably open the door now."  
  
Asuka reached the door, and peeked through the crack. "Who might be here?"  
  
"Yes, I'm here to see Tristan? I'm an old friend and I have something of his-" the man said, but Asuka closed the door on him before he could carry on. The man seemed to be really cool, but she just couldn't trust   
  
Tristan looked up from Rei, who was busily mouthing Tristan's neck. "Who was that Asuka?"  
  
"Some guy who claimed to be an 'old friend' of you," Asuka replied, trying to ignore Rei's activities. "I figured it was another dumb fan."  
  
"Was he cool?"  
  
"Hmmm... I'd have to say he was cool."  
  
"You sure now?" Tristan pushed Rei's head down as she attempted to connect with his lips. "I mean, I knew someone who was pretty cool back in the day. He was just really cool and he built his own robot suit and fixed my cars. Also, in no way am I trying to foreshadow my relationship that I had with him, nor could I possibly guess that he's out there with my pet cat and ready to help me with my car, but I think you should go out and check his name for me, okay?"  
  
"Are you sure?" Asuka raised her eyebrows as the setting sun spilled its golden light into the living room as Misato entered, yawning and drinking a beer at the same time. "I mean it's possible that no one could ever know him!  
  
"Impossible!" Tristan shouted, as he attempted to wriggle away from Rei's grasp. "I don't think that it ever could be him, as he died a long time ago!"  
  
"Uh," Misato quietly interjected in the argument in between a sip. "Why not just open the door?"  
  
"That's not the point!" Asuka steamed as she clenched her clear-coat covered fingernails into her palms. "Anyone could open the door and absolutely anyone who is, very cool, could walk in this house and I'll have you know that I am quite the coolest here!"  
  
"Huh?" Rei said as she removed herself from Tristan's waist. "I'll get it." Rei hobbled over to the door and opened it, to reveal someone who was pretty cool, and carrying a black and white tuxedo cat.  
  
"Miss Pibble-chan!" Tristan cooed out as he saw his pet cat, who bounced from the unknown man's arms over to Tristan, and rubbed against his bare ankles. "Oh how I've missed you so much!" he continued as he picked the cat up and rubbed its head behind the ears with his chin stubble, to which the cat responded with a healthy purr.  
  
"Hi, Tristan! The man said as he walked in the door. He certainly held his coolness by being very cool and taking off his shoes before he entered the room. "I told you I would be here!"  
  
"Is that you?" Tristan said as he held his cat in his arms.  
  
"Yup, it sure is me! For those of you in the room, my name is Tyler Losce!" he said as he fixed a leather jacket.  
  
"That's nice," Misato nodded, then turned and walked out the room.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Rei said as she resumed her progress on the MiniMoog. "I guess I'll see you around here or something."  
  
"What she said," Asuka mumbled and picked up the remote, clicking the television back on, Pibble-Chan hopping on her lap after she sat down on the couch.  
  
"Well Tyler, you're here, I see," Tristan began awkwardly. "Where are you living?"  
  
"Well, that's the thing..." Tyler began cooly before he was interrupted by the door flying open.  
  
"Tristy-kuuuun!" Kaworu called out as he ran through the door with his arms full of many different colored bags. "You have just absolutely must try these new shirts I got for you at the French Connection! You'll be so absolutely stunning the whole world will chant your name in collective orgasm! I... Oh... Who's this?" Kaworu said after he saw Tyler. "He seems... Cool."  
  
"I'm Tyler Losce!" Tyler said as he gruffly shook the long, delicate hand of the pale boy. "And you are?"  
  
"I am Kaworu Nagisa, over there is Shinji Ikari, who is an EVA pilot, and his friends, Toji and Kensuke," Kaworu pointed at the boys who were holding many boxes of various sizes in their arms. Kaworu nudged a bit closer to Tyler to tell him a bit of a secret. "Shinji's a little shy, but don't let that take away from how much he can yell!"  
  
"... Right," Tyler remarked cooly, not sure what Kaworu meant. "Anyone got a place I can stay at?"  
  
"We do!" Toji and Kensuke chimed in together in a melodious harmony. "We have an extra room just for you!"  
  
"Oh, thanks," Tyler thanked the pair... cooly. "I'll bring my stuff over later."  
  
"So, you want to work on a project, Tyler?" Tristan asked as Asuka turned the volume up. "It's for my Eclipse."  
  
"You know it! Best buddies forever!"  
  
In the dark corner of the entryway, Shinji sighed when he remembered how much simpler his life was before all these cars, people, and robots showed up. Life was a lot more comical, but he wasn't sure if he needed to be around anymore.  
  
---  
  
"What do you mean you report a large flying turtle heading this way?!" Gendo shouted, his fists banging the desks in anger. "Get the EVA team on it now!"  
  
"Right away, sir!" Fuyutsuki responded, pushing the big green button to call the pilots. It was a good thing that Fuyutsuki knew where the green button was, otherwise the whole operation would fall apart and everyone in Japan would die, and Fuyutsuki certainly didn't want that to happen.  
  
"Coor blimey!" Karl Hyde said as he saw Gamera on screen. "It's just like one of them Godzilla pictures!"  
  
"Why aren't you gone? And what are you doing in my office?" Gendo said as he turned his attention to the UK based graphic designer and electronic music composer.  
  
"The bird with the big knockers said we could stay here for a dirty weekend!"  
  
"Yah! Yah!" Darren Emerson and Rick Smith shouted gleefully when they heard the mention of "dirty weekend."  
  
"Although, we seem to be missing the 'dirty' part of it, as all the birds are always on full-stop... All we're doing is playin' draughts.." Rick Smith complained as he hunched up from the TR-808 drum machine.  
  
"Ya wouldn't mind if I bummed a fag off ya, would ya'?" Karl said, going closer to Fuyutsuki.  
  
"Oouuuuut!" Gendo steamed as he pointed at the door.  
  
---  
  
"We've got a call!" Asuka screamed over Tristan's stereo system that was currently playing a mix CD that he had made for saving the rain-forests in Brazil. "It seems that Gamera is coming!"  
  
"Gamera?" Shinji asked, looking up from his english papers. "Gamera is great though!"  
  
"That's what they said!"  
  
"Well, where's everyone else?" Shinji asked again, shuffling his papers together. "I don't know where Kaworu, Rei, and Tristan are."  
  
"I think they're out, but we'll have to see them there," Asuka rapidly spat out as she pulled on a pair of black leather boots at the doorway to accent her khaki cargo pants and light blue shirt.  
  
Shinji began to fret for his fellow pilots. "But what if they don't get the call? I'll be so afraid if they don't and oh so worried!"  
  
---  
  
Needless to say, Tristan did get the phone call, right when he was trying to find a decent parking spot for himself and Rei for the new modern-art museum opening. Rei was the first to notice the phone call as Tristan drove in vain.  
  
"Yes?" Rei mumbled as the phone buzzed the new information about the latest angel. "You don't say!"  
  
"What's going on?!" Tristan asked as he brought the car to a sudden stop.  
  
"Gamera is attacking Tokyo 3!" Rei said flatly. Her red eyes stared directly into Tristan's as she slowly tightened the harness. The moments passed between them as neither moved.  
  
"Should we get moving?" Tristan broke the gaze as he turned to the RX-7's Sparco steering wheel, starting the car once more.  
  
"I believe so..." Rei sighed and looked down at her exposed knees.  
  
---  
  
"Surface armor plating depleted!" Aoba reported to the ones up above. Ritsuko calmly smoked a cigarette while the carnage could be felt almost directly above. As she lifted a cup of coffee to her mouth, she wondered where Aoba and Hyuga were all this time.  
  
"Where are the children?" Misato demanded, throwing a beer can on the floor in frustration. "They should be here by now!"  
  
"I don't know, you're the one in charge of them," Ritsuko said as she watched Gamera attempting to plow through the hardened layers of armor that protected Terminal Dogma from the outside world.  
  
"Secondary surface armor will last approximately another ten minutes with the current rate of attacks!" Hyuga shouted as he rapidly typed into his terminal various commands for the defense droids to continue making the repairs to the sheets of armor. Gendo himself had told NERV to continue to fund the the project to have the droids around for such tragic events.  
  
Just as Misato was going to call up the pilots again, she noticed on the security cameras that four figures were running to the entry pods. "Oh thank heavens!" Misato sighed as she slid down into a red, plastic chair. "If it wasn't for those pilots, we'd be doomed!"  
  
"Misato, I think you mean, 'If it wasn't for Tristan Delecour, we'd be dead!'," Ritsuko corrected the buxom captain. "Not that it would be a bad thing," she added quickly. Maya was busily making another pot of coffee for her super sempai-sama-chan, as Ritsuko was downing cups of coffee faster than she could type. Obviously, the effects of the stress were hitting her hard.  
  
"Preparing Units 00 through 04 for launch!" Maya dutifully reported as she juggled the portable keyboard and empty coffeepot before dropping them both on the freshly arriving Kaworu. This could not bother the former enemy of humanity in the slightest, as he gracefully picked them up and handed them to the blushing figurine that was Maya Ibuki. "Thank you.." she managed to stammer out in front of the pale man who was in simpleton terms; beautiful.  
  
"My pleasure, however you may want to not run so fast with all those items," he chided with a grin, then breaking out in a full solo vocal of the theme of Beethoven's "Ode to Joy".  
  
---  
  
Rei calmly sat in the darkened entry plug in her skin tight, white and blue plugsuit of so many years old. True, it was a fresh plug-suit, but the design of it hadn't changed over the past five years. The cockpit of the unstoppable killing machine had not changed, and neither did her opposite mixed feelings of safety and uncertain death. While she was no longer the wreck-loose killing machine that was willing to sacrifice her life for the greater glory of Gendo, she had certain feelings that she might for someone special enough like Tristan.  
  
The last remaining bubbles of air in her lungs exited and she began breathing nothing but pure LCL. She had become one with Unit 00 once again, the synch graph showing that she was holding steady, and the red lights dimmed into blackness, before being replaced by the bright lights of the underbelly of the NERV operations. No matter how many times she was on the launch pads, she always felt a small amount of fear dwelling inside her. Would she live to see Tristan's smile? Would she live to feel the touch of Asuka's thin fingers down her spine? Would she be able to have Shinji pick out her outfits when she went out? So many questions spun through her head as the EVA was dropped upon the launch pad, and the power cord connected.  
  
Gloved fingers gripped the butterfly handles, with a slight apprehension to the coldness that only the feeling of cold steel against warm flesh could give. A slight jolt shifted the link fluid in the pod, and Rei knew that the time was coming soon. The dice were thrown, and it was just a matter of what the faces said when they looked up towards the sky.  
  
---  
  
"What the hell kind of fight was that?" Gendo demanded, stamping his white gloved hand on his desk. "Tristan didn't even get to kill it! He had to let Asuka kill Gamera. I feel ripped off!"  
  
"Well, sir..." Fuyutsuki began to speak before Gendo went on a nuclear rampage. "It's still dead."  
  
"But by Asuka? She sucks!"  
  
"Hey!" Gendo's communications terminal lit with the face Asuka Langley. "I do not!"  
  
"Oh you're right, Asuka! When you come back, you can have a pay raise!" Gendo told her, which to which she lit up with glee.  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
Gendo laughed. "PSYCHE!!"   
  
And everyone in NERV laughed at how Gendo psyched Asuka out despite her saving the entire world by killing Gamera.  
  
END CHAPTER 7 


	8. THE CHAPTER AFTER CHAPTER 7

Chapter 8 THE CHAPTER AFTER CHAPTER SEVEN!

Tristan Delecour was bored. Bored silly of silly graphic design classes that he was so incredibly superior to, bored of cleaning his new Parker-Hale M85 sniper rifle with Schmidt & Bender 6x42mm scope, bored of having sexual escapades with Asuka and Rei, bored of fighting the New Angels, just bored all around.

"Asuka, my dearest of dears," he said in a faux-sotto voice. "Won't you be the kindest of kind and find something for me to do?"

Asuka, on the other hand, was busy trying to get to the next level of Dig-Dug-17. so she didn't take his calling to heart. "Go work on your cars, or something."

Tristan sighed at this response, not willing to continually deal with the red-head's disagreements with his current bored status, and started to wander around the house, looking for something interesting. "Bored bored booooored!" He kicked the clothing out of the way, to go see what Misato was doing at the time. "Misato, I'm bored with this place. Can't we fight some angels or have a super duper rock concert or something like that!"

"..." Misato did not answer did not answer and rolled over, trying to sleep on the wonderful Saturday afternoon.

"Bored!" Tristan yelled, getting irritated with her lack of concern to Tristan's predicament. "Boooored!" he yelled once more before exiting the room, slamming the sliding door shut. He stormed off to Shinji's room where he heard a sickly sweet theme song play. "Oi! Shinji! You doing anything in there?"

"Oh, I just got this old television show called Tiny Snowfairy Sugar and it is such a wonderful and sweet show for me to watch and.." Shinji began babbling the moment that Tristan opened his door.

Upon seeing the images that were being projected on Shinji's wall, Tristan took a step back. "Uh, I think I'll... Pass."

"Your loss! Boy, I sure wish I was in an anime!"

---

Rei carefully kneeled on the gold patterned cushion, holding the bamboo brush delicately in her right hand over the sheet of rice paper. Her mind was clear, concise, and in a truly meditative mood. The deep blue kimono she was wearing was a 500 year old heirloom handed down from Fuyutsuki's family to Gendo as a gift for Rei's twenty-second "birthday", along with the matching blood red obi that was tied around her waist in a perfect manner. The windows were all covered, and the room was lit by a pair of paper lanterns at both sides of the large piece of rice paper. A careful dip into the ink to perfectly shape the horsehair tip, and with a careful, precise movement, a character stroke would be made.

And then the phone rang mid stroke, causing Rei to stutter mid stroke, bringing the brush all the way down the sheet of paper, mere centimeters from the kimono. Her heart pulsed wildly as she held her arm again, the sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. The phone rang once more, causing Rei to sigh, putting the brush on the inkwell edge, and answered the portable phone. "Hello?" she asked, standing up and opening a window on the fine fall day.

"Hey Rei, what are you doing?" she heard Tristan say in a very disgruntled voice.

"Nothing too exciting." She said, looking down at her ruined rice-paper. "Just hanging around."

"Oh," was the reply. "I thought you knew something that we could, you know... do?"

"I don't know... I'm still a bit sore from this morning but, y'know, just give me another hour and I'll be fine."

"No, no, no, I meant something intellectually stimulating rather than carnal."

"Well, um, I bet Fuyutsuki knows what to do! He's always doing something interesting," Rei mused, drumming her fingers on her chin. "Or maybe Gendo?"

"Oh. Okay. I'll come pick you up then and we can go on a wacky adventure not involving giant robots, angels, or Oakenfold." and then dial tone.

"Huh? Well, okay. I guess." Rei sighed, pleased with the information that Tristan was picking her up, but also a bit frustrated with the phone call messing up her calligraphy.

---

"Bored bored bored bored boooored!" Tristan sang while driving the highly-modified Eclipse down the roads at rates triple the "suggested" speed limit. Every time the exhaust let out a belch of flame, he would accentuate the song with a falsetto "bored". Rei merely looked out the poly-carbonate window, the vent open, blowing her short hair in the breeze.

As the car rocketed through the hills and roads of Japan, NERV headquarters loomed in the distance, and upon seeing this, Tristan hit the garage door opener so he could drive right in. It was perfect timing that Tristan drove into the secret underground complex that was NERV central.

"Well, that certainly was BORING," Tristan said as he slammed the carbon fiber door closed to a sickening crunch. "You okay over there?" he asked Rei Ayanami who was attempting to crawl over the carbon fiber side impact stiffening braces on the roll-cage in the kimono. "I mean, you're the one who wore that stupid thing!"

"I'm... fine!" she said as she fell on the poured concrete floor with an audible thump.

"Well then, good! I'm going to go see what Cheech and Chong are up to there!" Tristan said as he ran off to the elevator.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Rei ran in the wooden sandals while trying to keep up the layers upon layers of kimonos from tripping her movement.

"Well hurry up! You're making me more bored by taking so long!"

"I'm sorry, I truly am! Is there any way I can make it up to you?" Rei begged while wheezing for breath.

"I dunno. I guess not." Tristan said as he hit the elevator button.

---

"So wait, wait, wait, if Mecha-Godzilla got into a fight with Ultraman, you're saying that Mecha Godzilla would win?" Gendo asked Fuyutsuki. "That's preposterous!"

"No, Gendo, I did not say that Mecha-Godzilla could defeat Ultraman," Fuyutsuki replied dryly, working on his fifth scotch of the day. "I merely said that–"

"Hey dudes what's going on?" Tristan said as Rei stumbled in from behind Tristan Delecour's mighty splendor. "Woah cool, Ultraman!" Tristan said as he looked at the computer screen that Gendo had put up.

"Yes, indeed it's Ultraman. In fact, I'm glad you two showed up! We've got good news that everyone should hear!"

"And what's that?"

"We found SEELE's, and Oakenfold's, main headquarters!" Gendo said with particular pride.

---

"And so, the four EVA's on the new SURF EVA will ride a massive tidal wave to Ibiza where they will be able to kick and punch their way into the belly of Oakenfold's hideout and save the day! Any questions?" Gendo said, highlighting the wave with a remote mouse.

"Question!" Asuka shouted, writing the information down on her personal laptop that was pouring out holographic images onto her hands.

"Yes, what is it, Langley?"

"Do we have to watch Blade on the way over?" She asked in the most innocent tone she could muster.

"Uh, no. Next question! Rei?" Gendo replied.

"How will Unit 00 and 02 remain powered while in Ibiza?"

"The surf-boards contain super powerful micro generators that will keep those Eva's powered up. Next!"

"How will we know when we reach Ibiza?" Tristan said, chewing on his nails. "I'd really like to finish this off, you know, so I can get back to the important things, like making top selling albums forever more."

"We haven't put enough biblical references in yet, so just hang on, while we try to awkwardly try to juxtapose our purpose of defeating Oakenfold with the Bible." Fuyutsuki tried to explain.

"Yes, precisely!" Gendo smiled in the way that only Gendo can smile, which would be with teeth and having his mouth covered by his hands. Or one of those variations of smiles that only Rei could pick up on. "So suit up and get out of here!"

"Do we have to?" Shinji whined.

"Do we ever?"

---

OCTOBER 21st, 2022 AD

Black. White. The screens flickered on and off between the rapid depression of the power button on the controller beneath Shinji's finger tip. Amidst the LCL fluid, various status screens spat out colorful information much like a broken pachinko machine. All of this data didn't bother Shinji in the least, as he looked over at the communications screen that was endlessly filled with the banter of Ayanami, Langley, and Delecour. The sound of the endlessly rolling wave had become a source of tranquility to Shinji, almost a focus point for his hourly meditation.

In the other pods, things were not quite as subdued and calm. Tristan's silver Evangelion was in the lead of the formation, hunched over and ready to take action. The pilot, however, was not quite so ready. In his LCL filled cabin, Tristan Delecour was in a state of blissful sleep, the gentle rocking of the waves making his entry pod into a sleep chamber, although occasionally his blissful slumber would be interrupted by the discords of Asuka and Rei. It was at precisely 1:27 P.M. Japan Standard Time that Asuka managed to bother Tristan at the perfect time for his work.

"Hey, Tristan?" Asuka asked as she whirled through the information architecture of the Evangelion's database. "What have you been doing for the past five hours?"

"Writing a sonnet!" Tristan replied with a snap of his gloved fingers. Hexagon-shaped particles from the three-dimensional screen system danced from his fingers.

"About what?"

"You."

"Wow, I am so incredibly blessed by the no doubt superior and wonderful writing talents!" Asuka cried out in a gasp that was approaching mere orgasm from the fact that Tristan was doing such a task for her own worthless self.

"An Ode to Asuka, by Tristan Delecour" Tristan began to speak, clearing his throat with a subtle cough.

"My Asuka, oh how you've been;

The tears you've cried, the moods of your ways;

What cannot be said of your endless beauty;

The things you do, I hold to my breast;

What cannot be said is the method of your love;

With tears of madness in a descent;

To the bowls of a hell that I wish to ignore;

The pierce of your voice can be held above;

With dignity, and beauty I so adore;

Justice above in EVA form, I hope that death;

That I will be in your heart forevermore."

Asuka blinked a scant few times before the massive onslaught of pure poetry that Tristan wrote, especially for her. If she didn't have her plug suit on at that moment, and was actually out of her EVA she would have been forced to copulate with Delecour right then and there, but unfortunately for her, they still had a mission. The moment Asuka started to respond to this klaxons sounded in all the EVA's with a new alert! There was a new angel approaching in the water!

"Oh boy, an Angel!" Rei said in her newly repainted Yellow Unit 00. It was redone in yellow because yellow is so much of a better color than blue ever could be, and it also confused the Angels. "Time to go swimming!" Rei giggled and jumped into the water, only to start sinking rapidly under the ocean's might.

"That silly baka-head!" Tristan scoffed as he watched the Unit 00 fall deep within the water before getting chewed on by the new angel, which looked like the first aquatic angel but with more teeth and a face that looked like Marc Summers of Double Dare fame. "Eva's 00 through 03 can't swim! Duuuurrr!" he laughed and went diving in after the angel. Within ten minutes, Unit 04 managed to not only rescue Rei's EVA and put it back on its surfboard, but also managed to defeat the angel, cut out the S2 core, and cram it into Unit 00's body somehow.

"Gee Tristan," Shinji said while clicking off an episode of Tokyo Mew Mew. "You certainly did show that Angel who's the boss!"

"But I thought that was Tony Danza!" Rei said, laughing. Soon everyone else joined in laughing with Ayanami, and high-fives of victory were traded.

---

"Sir, we have a problem!"

Those were the last words that kept echoing in Paul Oakenfold's head. Deep within his hideout in Ibiza, the fortified fortress of all things Oakenfold was silent. Giant tapestries declaring Oakenfold as the #1 DJ in the world hung behind him in his ready-room. MixMag, DJ, and various other "club music" based magazine articles were pasted up on the walls, with any mention of his name being highlighted. Wires ran across the floor to the holographic-based workstations that displayed every inch of the complex in a constantly rotating, slightly transparent view.

"I say it once more, we have a problem!" DJ Tiesto cried out as he put printouts of high altitude spy shots of the EVA's rapidly surfing to Ibiza. "The usage of Marc Summers was completely useless!"

"How goes my final combatant creature?" Oakenfold said as he pushed the button that was blinking softly. a monitor raising out of the slick black desk. "Ah, I see his progress is gaining! Ha. Ha. Ha!"

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Tiesto laughed along with Oakenfold.

---

"We're here in Ibiza!" Tristan said, lifting the EVA's surfboard onto the beach front. Asuka mumbled something about trashy tourist areas.

After the loss of the ice in the south pole, one would think that a tiny coastal island like Ibiza would be lost totally at sea. But thanks to Oakenfold's evil scheming, he managed to keep the island afloat above the rising waters by conjuring the forces of all the flotation devices that he could get. Gone were the beautiful beaches, in their place was a giant beach full of oil soaked dirt, rotting carcasses used in the testing and development of the new Angels strewn around on the ground. In the distance towards the center of the island, massive silos billowing steam from the super heated fission process loomed in a blue haze on the horizon.

Suddenly a small army of tanks appeared beneath the feet of the EVA's, and began to launch TOW/Surface to air missiles. Tristan quickly moved into action and proceeded to stomp on them all, which was quite hardcore. Almost super hardcore. In fact, it was super hardcore and quite possibly the hardest of the hardcore maneuvers.

"Oh jeeze..." Tristan said as Unit 04 wiped off the waste materials that were clinging to the base of its feet. "I'm gonna have to clean that up with a piece of paper towel that I put in the SURF EVA!"

Tristan then removed a giant piece of Bounty from the Surf EVA and carefully wiped the remains of the tanks from the bottom of the EVA's feet. Rei could only watch on with great interest while Asuka and Shinji sort of sat there playing with their progressive handgrenades and bowling balls.

---

MEANWHILE BACK AT NERV...

"Wake me up, before you go-go, i don't want to end up going solo..." Kaworu sang at full volume to his portable music player as he laid back in the control center. While there were very few people who actually cared about the mission at hand, those remaining were busy laboring the vital signs of the EVA pilots.

"So let me get this straight Tristan, if I get a JZA-80 you say that the duration and lift of the 272 degree camshafts will shift the power band too much for my applications? That's preposterous!" Gendo chatted with Tristan via radio. Tristan was busy making charts for Gendo with his fingers as the hexagons went flying through the proprietary user interface featured in the EVAs.

Ritsuko sighed deeply into her cup of coffee and maintained a steady pressure on the keyboard that controlled the MAGI. Despite all the attacks that they had received, the MAGI were still in full operational order, and never again would they have to worry about any failure in the MAGI from the small amount of tweaking by Maya Ibuki.

---

As the EVA's began to pound the headquarters in Ibiza into bedrock, Paul Oakenfold brought forth the his final weapon. There was only one last resort. Use his power of ultimate evil to travel back in time and prevent the EVA's from ever being created and stop Tristan Delecour from ever existing. The control panel set out in front of him, and he typed in the date, the time, and the exact moment. "Push the button, Tiesto"

"Are you sure this is a good idea? We haven't really tested this out!"

"I promise you the world, Tiesto, and I shall give it to you. We shall have it."

Tiesto pushed the button and the entire room was engulfed in a solid red light.

---

A huge red ball enveloped the principle cast of this story and they all screamed and stuff.

"OH NO I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!" Tristan yelled as EVA's began to panic and trying to escape the light. But it was not so to happen. "THIS IS A TRANSDIMENSIONAL WEAPON OF UNDETERMINATE ORIGIN!"

"Wow, Tristan, how did you figure out that one?" Shinji asked as he started to disappear in the red mist, Unit 01 starting to become transparent.

"Well, it's pretty obvious that he knows what's going on most of the time. We should probably just wait this one out," Rei said as she floated through the red mist to the group of four pilots.

"So where are we going?" Asuka asked, stretching out from her pilot position, floating in the air while flashes of lightning went all crazy and stuff.

"Probably to another dimension. Dunno until we get there." Tristan remarked, calmly rearranging his groin.

---

"The psychoactive smoke show has totally gotten them wicked totally confused, Oakenfold!" Tiesto cackled, and called all remaining high ranking officers that he could into the escape spaceship that they had prepared.

"Come Tiesto, we shall return to planet Party Trance and everything will be okay and we will launch our final offensive against the Geofront and we'll totally have a concert for an hour where we'll charge 100 dollars per person to listen to us spin records, wouldn't that be great?" Oakenfold growled as the robotic helpers loaded all his personal items into the spacecraft.

"It's a good thing you're the best leader ever," Ferry Corsten smiled as he carried a big box of records to the shuttle. They emitted an evil aura that rose up to the top of the ceiling.

"Why yes, I am the most perfect evil DJ ever!" Oakenfold laughed as he pushed the launch button, rocketing them to the planet PARTY TRANCE which was sort of like Planet D.E.L.T.A. but had less monsters and about 20 less likely to be blown up by a bunch of meddling kids.

---

Just as soon as the ship launched, the red mist vapor disappeared from around our heroic EVA pilots and they all sort of gave up and decided to walk back to Tokyo 3.

"Kaworu, are you there?" Tristan called out to the station as he had to carry both Asuka and Rei's EVA's back because they both ran out of power and only him and Shinji still had S2 cores in their EVA's (Well Unit 00 had an S2 core but it wasn't working that great) and Shinji was too weak and too much of a wuss to do it. Tristan, however, was the first in line to re-power their units with his own S2 core.

After a few hours they all reached NERV and Gendo was really pissed off.

"Nice job Tristan, but it seems like the budget is a little low right now," Gendo said, eating a large orange popsicle.

"Well, I couldn't have done it alone, but I'm just being a little modest," Tristan smirked, his silver plug-suit glimmering under the bright lights of NERV's terminal dogma.

"We have some good and bad news," Kaworu reported off the terminal. "First, it seems that Ibiza is completely gone."

"Yay!" Shinji cheered.

"Bad news is that Paul Oakenfold and the rest of his miserable super DJ's are still alive."

"Boo!" Asuka and Rei frowned in unison.

"Good news is that we know where they went, and that's planet PARTY TRANCE!"

"Hooray!" All the EVA pilots cheered together, and drank a whole bunch of beers straight.

---

Tristan Delecour walked down the streets of Tokyo 3 alone, thinking to himself about how much things were much more awesome now that he was here.Everywhere he went he got a friendly wave as he walked down the narrow Tokyo-3 streets. It was a good thing that he knew how to handle this kind of situation otherwise anyone else would not know how to deal with his massive celebrity status. As he stroked his chin that had the perfect amount of sexy stubble on it, it struck him much like the beat drops on that massively awesome track that he had going in his head.

"LET'S MAKE EVERYONE GO TO BOSTON!", which of course, was his massively awesome place that he was born in. He phoned up Gendo who thought that was a totally badass idea and that they could probably use some time off.

---

"I would've thought that with the whole seas rising and stuff that Boston would've been flooded!" Shinji said as he sat in the seat of NERV's private jet.

"Yeah, you would've thought that, but hey, it's not!" Tristan said as he stroked his pet cat's black and white fur. She was purring and kneading at his knees with her claws.

"Wow, I have always wanted to go to Boston," Rei said.

"Me too!" Asuka agreed. "It has always been my life long dream to see where you are!"

Tristan could only smirk as the plane was taking off. Considering the fact that Tristan had redesigned the Nerv private jet to go Mach 3, they were chopping off more than a few hours of their travel time.

Rei drank a beer straight and proceeded to belch loudly as the carbonation rose from her stomach. "HELL YEAH BOSTON! WOOOO GO SPORTS TEAM!"

---

After like another hour they landed on Logan international Airport and drove off the plane in their respective automobiles but Shinji got stuck with Rei who was drunk drifting after having like 40 beers straight. It was okay because they were able to floor it to the big dig and they finally made it to Tristan's condo that was off Mass Ave. Tristan didn't really have all that fondness for Boston in reality, but a lot of his old friends still resided there, and Tristan was honestly all about being selfless.

When they got to the underground, heavily guarded garage (Jack Bauer and Associates protection agency), Shinji threw up in a trash barrel, much to Tristan's dislike. They exited the building and lo and behold, the raspy ass-note of a Subaru was heard, along with the constant BUUHH-BWAAAHHH of mid/late nineties UK Drum And Bass.

"AYO, I FELT THE PRESENCE OF JAPANESE PEOPLE HERE!" The driver yelled while pulling to the side in the black 4 door WRX. He immediately hopped out of his car and went up to Rei. "Yo baby what's up?"

"Oh that Ron!" Tristan said as he shook his head and went over to his friend. "Don't touch the goods, okay, she's delicate!"

"You know I'm just playing around!" Ron laughed and parked his car for the valet. Usually Ron didn't like valets but the chance to talk to blue haired Japanese babes was just too much for him to bother parking properly. "So where you from?" Ron asked Rei, as Tristan chatted to Asuka and Shinji. Ron was about 5'8" tall, had a ruddy complexion of a scottish and irish together. He was wearing a Boston Redsox hat backwards a screen printed polo shirt, and some expensive brand jeans. It wasn't a bad look on him all together, but Rei was less than impressed.

"The dirt." Rei replied blankly, her head shifting around lazily.

"The dirt?" Ron asked, raising up one eyebrow, confused at this answer a little bit. Usually most Japanese girls were all over him at this point. This one would prove to be a challenge, he thought to himself.

"Everyone comes from the dirt," Rei said, looking at the old architecture of the Boston skyline, not really paying any attention to Ron.

"Not me, Say, do you want to play jump rope?" Jump rope was Ron's clever codeword of getting the girls to drink lots of liquor and jumping rope so he could see their boobs bounce, then take advantage of them.

"No." Rei replied, watching the cars drive by slowly, filled with a wide variety of people she was not used to seeing. Minutes passed by, and Ron was getting a little more nervous.

"Do you want to play anything?"

"No." Rei said with a little more emphasis.

"Okay. I'm gonna go now," Ron said as he quickened his pace to meet up with Tristan, Shinji and Asuka. "It takes two to make friends, you know!"

"Great"

They continued on down the street, and Rei could be heard muttering under her breath, "Jesus christ."

---

"DIANA PLEASE!" was all that could be heard of Tristan's bathroom. Ron, his girlfriend Ayane, Tristan, Asuka, Rei, and Shinji could only look at each other awkwardly as this event was occurring. "My friend brought friends from Japan and I'm at his place and GOD!" he exclaimed. "No, there are no girls, just Ayane."

Tristan gently drank his glass of cold Sake and turned on the plasma screen. "Who wants to watch some TV?" He said, embarrassed over his friend who was talking to his girlfriend in the bathroom.

After about another 10 minutes of awkward silence, the bathroom door opened and Charles emerged from the bathroom. He was about 5'6, Irish/italian, and had the qualities of Butters from South Park in charm ability.

"Yo Kippy, there you are!" Ron said while edging closer to Rei, who was looking at a poster on the wall with great intensity. Ayane didn't seem to care because she was so impressed with Tristan's awesomely cut arms.

"MEIN GOTT, He's SO adorable when he looks all distraught!" Asuka yelled out when she finally saw Kippy. "He's just the cutest little thing ever and I want to take him home and make him wear little footie pajamas and and and and... can we keep him?" Asuka was a bit more taller than Charles, but hey, who was counting?

"Well guys, what now?" Tristan asked, slamming his glass down on the table.

"How about some nachos! And then maybe some beer?" Shinji said, hoping and praying that it was the best idea.

"I'm so glad you suggested it! I love nachos!" Tristan said and they all got up for some beer and nachos.

---

"DAMN THOSE WERE SOME DAMN FINE NACHOS!" Tristan did declare, while polishing off yet another IPA. Rei was looking kind of sick at this point but she had Ron to take care of her. Asuka sat glumly alone in her corner, sipping at an overly hoppy brew that she ordered by mistake. "What do you think of that?"

"Well I don't know, Tristan." Charles said while nervously looking at his large cellphone for any incoming messages from his girlfriend. "I do know that I sure do like your new friends!"

"Yeah me too!" Ron agreed and poured another pitcher of beer.

"TO FRIENDS! YAY!" Tristan yelled and then dumped a bunch of guacamole on top of Shinji's head because he sucked.

---

END CHAPTER 8


End file.
